The Half-Baked Eruption

/ Quirky Girl

So, I baked a cake the other day…

For the love of God, people!

Surely, the alarms in your head must be going off by now!

I am The Undomestic Goddess, after all.

(If you’re not familiar with the circumstances that earned me this title, my Culinary Mayhem post is a must-read in order to fully appreciate the implication here.)

Anyway, turns out baking a birthday cake first thing on a Monday morning with my eyes half-closed, before even eating breakfast…

Not such a hot idea.

With a potent combination of dazzling creativity mixed with equal part nonexistent domestic ability, my good intentions were bound to go right down the toilet.

Don’t get me wrong. I do bake cakes twice a year, every year for my boys’ birthdays.

And they usually come out decently enough (read: cute and edible).

But this time around was different.

Somehow, the cake had come out oddly misshapen.

It resembled a volcano-shaped monstrosity, actually.

And the icing was a tad bit too thin, spewing off the top and down the sides of the volcano-cake like white lava.

So I made yet another, thicker batch of sugary icing and heaped it on top of the volcanic mess.

Then I lovingly slapped eight adorable little Despicable Me gummy Minions onto the fifty layers of icing in a visually appealing pattern.

But then disaster struck.

The Minions immediately started sinking into the volcanic ashes icing.

Seriously, they were going under faster than an octopus in a straightjacket.

I had to rescue them!

Left with little choice, I quickly grasped and yanked them up and away from impending doom before it was too late.

Sadly, I must’ve accidentally pinched off a few of their smiling faces during my rescue mission.

How fitting.

A tiny little Minion leg had been lost along the way, too.

I frantically glanced around the kitchen for anything- and I mean anything– to help remedy this disaster.

Plastic forks, chewable vitamin c wafers, gum wrappers…

Eventually, I saved their lives by propping them up with mini flotation devices made out of chocolate wafers, broken into Minion-sized bits and pieces.

And just like that, the cake was salvaged.

Well, mostly.

Yeah, okay. So the frosting tasted like the equivalent of six bags of sugar, and the cake was a wee bit lopsided.

Not the end of the world.

Oh, and I also ended up having to draw faces back on a couple of the Minions.

But ultimately, the cake (and the house) did not blow up.

And people willingly ate it.

Hell, some even came back for seconds.

Go figure.

All in all, the funky cake still managed to look (marginally) better than the aftermath of our Minion piñata beat down.

And that certainly has to count for something.

It’s probably hard to tell, but this mangled mess of Minion is the piñata we beat the crap out of, not the disastrous cake I had made.

It’s probably hard to tell, but this mangled mess of Minion is the piñata we beat the crap out of, not the disastrous cake I had made.

31 thoughts on “The Half-Baked Eruption”

  4. I love this cake! It has character 🙂
    Thanks for the laugh. I’m just becoming more domestically – um – gifted in the kitchen now.
    I’ve made some dishes that I really like (very very proud of myself)
    Blessings to your day.

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  5. My boys love minions, too … although I’ve not tried to bake a minion cake yet. For birthdays, we usually get store-bought cupcakes or cakes … I’m still working on baking cookies from scratch, and haven’t quite ventured to baking from scratch cakes.

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    • I don’t mind baking on occasion. But personally, I had taken the leap from store bought to homemade solely to eliminate all that artificial crap they use in store bought goods, not because I thought I’d actually be good at it. 😛

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  6. Love it! You painted such a picture I was laughing all the way through your post. Sounds like it turned out all well in the end. We all love the Minions in my house so a cake sounds awesome 🙂

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  7. Lol, you’re quite a charming character! I think your cake is cute. 🙂 I could never even attempt a minion anything. Must have been tasty if people came back for seconds! Great post. Brightened my morning.

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  9. I love Stuart!!!

    I admit, I thought the beaten-up pinata was your quick-sand cake. Some day your kiddos will appreciate your extreme efforts to provide them with a mommy-made birthday cake. 🙂 (It sounds like they already do given the rate at which it was consumed.)

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