Google is to hypochondriacs what meth is to a junkie.
Oh, come on.
You know the deal.
You’re suddenly afflicted with sharp stomach pains from hell, so you turn to Dr. Google to shed some insight.
Inevitably, Google leads you to sites like WebMD and Healthline for totally reliable self-diagnostic help.
After scanning through symptoms and possible causes, you manage to convince yourself it’s not simply constipation or indigestion.
No.
It’s undoubtedly a raging bout of appendicitis that is about to do you in, right there in the middle of the Back to School section at Walmart…
Unless you make a beeline for the nearest hospital right this very minute.
All you know for certain is you’re obviously dying.
I swear, the symptoms for migraines and brain damage are identical.
Ok, well. Maybe not exactly.
But seriously, have you ever noticed how so many different health issues all have the same set of symptoms?
Oh, the things it could be!
Got a headache?
It’s obviously an aneurysm, and that clock is just a tickin’.
Or it could be head trauma.
What’s that?
Don’t remember hitting your head in the first place?
Well, duh.
Wheezing and coughing?
Could be asthma.
Or a sinus infection.
Or congenital heart failure.
Fatigued?
Could be the flu.
Or Lyme disease.
Or just good ol’ PMS.
Hallucinations?
Could be schizophrenia.
Or epilepsy.
Or just poorly-interacting medications.
Irritability?
Could be hypothermia.
Or a sleep disorder.
Or meningitis.
Nauseated?
Could be food poisoning.
Or a heart attack.
Or perhaps you’re pregnant.
(Congratulations!)
Forgetful?
Could be delirium.
Or dementia.
Or head trauma.
(Seriously, quit knocking your head around!)
Oh, the things it could be!
Lucky for me, I have a high pain tolerance.
Which is great, because I’m freakishly allergic to aspirin and Advil.
Hell, I can’t even take Benadryl to counteract an allergic reaction because it knocks me out cold.
But I do take comfort in knowing I can just conk myself over the head with a frying pan to ease the pain and be good to go.
That’s all the so-called healthcare I need.
So true! We tend to rely on Google!!
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If not for Google, we might all be totally (and perhaps happily) oblivious! 😝
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Ha! We are earning doctorates sitting home😃
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Exactly! 😝
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Even Doctors are using Google nowadays!!!
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I can’t decide whether that ought to be comforting or disturbing. Or perhaps a little bit of both… 😀
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Reblogged this on Living Life Fully, Confined to Bed – Author – Nancy J. Walker and commented:
Need a laugh? This gal is so funny. Enjoy!
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Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂
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Had to share 🙂 You are so much fun!
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Oh web md, I’m not ALWAYS preggers!!!
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From my experience, if webmd doesn’t suggest that I’m pregnant, it’s only because I’m dying instead. 😛
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O my gosh! I laughed at every line. You are incredibly creative. I really enjoyed this post. I just woke up and it is the first thing I read today. Thanks for starting my day off with a bang! 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed! I really had fun with this one. Can you tell? 😛
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Indeed! A dose of reality too. 🙂
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So funny! I enjoyed reading this very much! 🙂
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😀
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Oh boy, this sounds like me… and my husband too. I love the bear pic 🙂
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I think we all have this overwhelming compulsion to try to figure out what’s wrong with ourselves. 😛
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Yes, we do… Before we see a doctor! 🙂
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Ha ha ha! I completely love this, and I can so relate. It’s particularly apropos because I just had my annual physicals.
Thank you so much for making me laugh yet again. 💖 Blessings
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I have to say, this particular piece had been begging to be written for quite so time now, and it was definitely a fun one to sit down and put into all into words. 😛
Hope you’re having a wonderful week! 🙂
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That is so cool! I am having a wonderful week. Hope you are too – and a really fun weekend. 🙂 Blessings.
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Reminds me of someone….😱
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I think this one reminds us all of someone we know… 😛
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I’m not allowed to google ailments. It’s a rule in this house. 😉
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It’s probably a very fine rule to follow. I, however, have no self-control when it comes to googling the plethora of possibilities of the things that could potentially be ailing me. 😛
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The rule is, i ask my husband to do it and then he only tells me what I need to know which is normally…You’re fine. LOL
I shared this in my Post of Note today. 🙂
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Oh, thank you! 😀
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Oh yeah, now you’re cooking! I was a nurse for a long time, and I’ve heard it all, I think. Googling is THE NUMBER ONE source for medical info. Weirdly, I am in the midst of writing a poem about hypochondria which may show up on my blog at a later date. 🙂
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Ooh, I can’t wait to see your poem about hypochondria! I’ll be on the lookout for it. 😀
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This is brilliant! I also steer clear because every road seems to lead back to cancer 🙂
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Ain’t that the truth! The Internet becomes a really scary place when you start researching all the things that could possibly be wrong with you. 😀
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This is so funny!!!! And true!!!! Love this post!
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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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This is so spot on! My doc had told me to stay away from Google, but that’s as likely as the sun not rising 😄
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Right? No matter how many times Google steers me in the wrong direction, I can’t help going back for more. Heaven help me. 😛
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Ha, I don’t get this at all! I don’t even want a doctor to tell me what’s wrong with me…. why would I want to try learning the horrible news myself? I’d rather suffer and die under a shroud of mystery… put that in my obituary please!
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Sounds good!
And you are right- sometimes it’s better to not know what’s going on, and live life in happy oblivion. 😀
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Paging Dr. Google. It’s America’s physician.
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Indeed, it’s the world’s most easily accessible (if not most terrifyingly ulcer-inducing) physician. 😛
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Yep, been there, done it, was proved wrong (thank goodness). The stress and worry Dr Google caused was phenomenal. Have I learned my lesson, probably not, but I take a huge pinch of salt with it now. Teddy certainly has the right idea, hope he gets better soon.
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I still have yet to learn that lesson, myself. I Google everything. You know, to be well-informed. Or so I think. Sometimes, it’s actually a huge relief to be wrong. Especially when it comes to fearing for your own well-being.
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I agree, to find out Dr G was wrong was a huge relief.
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My symptoms pretty much always lead to AIDS or cancer. I’m always happy when I get to the symptom “unexplained weight loss” and I can give myself a big high five. Yay! It’s not THAT>
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Haha! I think all symptoms ultimately lead to some sort of painful, agonizing, impending doom. Perhaps ignorance really is bliss… 😛
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I think I have all of these…except PMS, although after being married for more than two decades, I can assure I have suffered from even that. Great post and so true!
Tim
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Welcome to Comically Quirky! And thank you! Yeah, I think every one of us probably suffers from every last one of those ailments, or at least some combination of all the worst ones. 😛
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You nailed it! (HA!) or should I say, You hit it square on the nose. Or something like that…
Thanks for the ‘healthy’ laugh!
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When we’re talking about health, there probably has to be some nose-hitting or other injuring involved. 😛
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Oh how I love this post. I was laughing so hard because I have seen this in action. Thanks so much for sharing this well done post.
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Thank you so much! Glad you got a good laugh out of this one. 😀
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