On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Santa’s rogue elves sent to me:
Twelve crazy boys howling in cacophony.
Okay, fine.
I have only two boys, not twelve.
But sometimes, with all the sugar-fueled insanity of the season, it’s hard to believe this chaos isn’t caused by a busload of boys.
What makes matters even more humorous is the apparent lack of understanding of what exactly it means to be “good.”
Does calling your brother a freak instead of a jerk constitute acceptable behavior?
Or what about whacking said brother over the head with a soft-covered graphic novel…instead of a baseball bat?
Is that good(ish) behavior?
Sigh.
Well, if nothing else, we all know by now that everything in life is subject to relativity.
On that note…
Presenting a dozen thoughts that have gone through my head (or actually come out of my mouth) during holiday seasons over the years.
1) You really think you’ve been good enough to even receive coal!?! Ha!
2) Define “good.”
3) I told Santa you thought you’ve been good this year. He cracked a rib laughing.
4) One word for you: Krampus.
5) Santa is watching. Well yeah, I guess technically that means Krampus is watching, too…
6) Fine. Be naughty. Santa would be happy to save himself a trip!
7) The moment you stop believing is the moment you start receiving socks and underwear. Remember that!
8) No, I’m not sure why Santa likes cookies so much. Yes, he’s a “big dude.”
9) No, we will not create a special chimney for Santa. He can go through the door like every other respectable human being.
10) Sorry, no. Putting you in time out will not cement my place alongside you on the naughty list.
11) One more word and we’ll pack up your toys and donate them all to kids in need. Seriously, knock it off! Or we’ll donate you, too.
12) Yeah, I know you’re having visions of sugar plums. Visions of throwing them at my head, perhaps? (Come on. We all know nobody actually eats those things.)
~Ho, ho, ho! Happy Thursday and Merry Christmas to you all, my wonderful friends! May your holiday be full of joy and happiness.~
This is so funny! Found your blog on https://flyingthroughwater.com/2017/01/06/meet-greet-weekend-16-18/. So glad I did!! Love your sense of humor!! Check out my post that’s of a similar mindset: https://prettyflyforawhitemom.wordpress.com/2016/12/14/the-shit-we-tell-kids/.
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Thank you for stopping by! Will check yours out shortly. 😉
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Thanks so much!
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Haha! I hope you had a great Christmas 😉
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Thanks! Hoping you did, as well. 🙂
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Haha! That was hysterical. Sugar pumped up kids can seem like an army. I enjoyed you list.. Too funny. I have said a few of those things too. ❤ Hope you had a marvelous Christmas. ❤
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Tried and true classics, I tell ya! 😛
I’m starting to think sugar is the equivalent of crack…
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Ho-ho-ho and Ha-ha-ha
Merryness to you and yours (both naughty and nice)
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Merry, merry Christmas! 🙂
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Ha! 🙂 My two boys have reached the age where they are immune to Krampus threats. Very tempted to rent a costume…
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I know what you mean. My boys are pretty well past that point too, but I still throw in a threat here and there. 😀
Merry Christmas! 🙂
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This could become a widely used quote: ‘The moment you stop believing is the moment you start receiving socks and underwear. Remember that!’ Happy Christmas.
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It is rather catchy, isn’t it? 😛
Merry Christmas! 🙂
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Sure my parents must have thought/said some of these when I was a kid. Socks and underwear were a given, whether you believed or not. I always felt sorry for the elves that had to make underwear instead of toys. The cartoon reminded me of another… Santa is passed out next to the fireplace and stockings, and caption says “Next year, WASH your sock before you hang it up!” 🙂
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I never thought of it that way. Those poor elves! Surely, it’s far more fun for them to be making cool action figures and doll houses than underwear, of all things. 😛
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Happy Holidays to you and the family QG! (Bribery does work with Santa…I should know!)
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Happy Holidays! While I’ve not (yet) had to resort to bribing Santa, it’s good to know that I have options. You know, for future reference. 😛
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Fun post. Merry Christmas. 🎄
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Thanks! Merry Christmas! 🙂
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Merry Christmas.
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Have a lovely one.
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You too, my friend! 🙂
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Ha! The house I grew up in (Well, heck, even the one I live in now) had a chimney that led straight into the furnace… so my Mom always told us Santa had to use the front door to get in. That still didn’t explain how he got past all of those extra locks we had since it was a rough neighborhood…
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Dropping straight down the chimney and into a blazing hot furnace doesn’t sound like a very appealing prospect. Santa obviously had a special key. Or keys, in the case of all the extra locks. Or maybe he just used a chainsaw… because that’s not terrifying or anything. 😛
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He he – thank you! ❤ Merry Christmas to you. Hope you and your husband and two adorable 🙂 kids have a fantastic weekend. Much love and blessings — Debbie
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Always happy to share a laugh! Hope you have a very Merry Christmas, my friend! 🙂
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The only sugar plums I have ever seen in person were the fairies on stage. 😉
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Haha! Same here! 😛
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tee hee hee!
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😀
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Very humorous post. Love it this time of the year when insanity seems to rule😄
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Insanity does seem to rule more so than usual right about now, doesn’t it? 😛
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