Don’t embarrass me!
Um, helllooo!?!
I’m not the one sitting there, scratching my crotch at the table during breakfast.
Is it my fault your school requested that parents join their child in class to help guide them through the increasingly intricate course selection process, complete with 4-year plans and endorsements?
What kind of monster do you think I am?
And what kind of horrifying feats do you think I’ll manage to pull off in the 60 minutes I’m there, anyway?
Attempt to spoon-feed you your lunch?
Or show up in fishnet stockings and skanky heels?
Or worse yet, come crashing into your classroom on roller skates…in my pajamas?
Hashtag whatever.
Or perhaps I might discuss puberty/body odor/your latest crush loudly in front of all your classmates?
Or do some sort of ridiculous robot dance while singing a cringe-worthy Justin Bieber song at the top of my lungs?
Or lick your messy desk clean?
Or…
Maybe I’ll just wait for the perfect opportunity to declare:
You got an F on that test? An F?!? That’s it. Mama gonna go all gangsta on yo ass!
Right.
As fun as these scenarios might appear in my mind…
I can’t even.
As a natural introvert, I can assure you I will not be going out of my way to even talk to anyone, let alone cause chaos.
And as a self-respecting member of society, I don’t typically speak like that.
Ever.
Well, except maybe when I’m hangry.
I also wouldn’t purposely embarrass my kids, but ish happens.
Besides, if anything mortifying were to happen, consider it payback for all those unfortunate incidents where I wished for nothing more than the mercy of getting sucked into a black hole.
So just remember this:
I could be worse.
I could be much, much worse.
After all, I’m a badass black belt, dirt bike-riding, humor-writing Mom.
I’m cool AF.
Yaasss, I’m totally killin’ it.
So don’t be salty, bruh!
(Is that a thing?)
~Happy Friday! Thanks for stopping by and slinging some serious slang with me today. Have an amazing weekend!~
Hilarious!
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Thank you! I’m so sorry- I have no idea how I missed your comment and am just now seeing it 😕
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Lol nice 😜😀👍
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Why, thank you! 😄
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Mama gonna go all gansta! Brilliant! 😂
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Thank you! Of course, I’d (probably) never say any such thing in public, but I do like the sound of it… 😝
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I get ya!! 😁
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lol – I once made my youngest daughter admit I was the cool parent before I let her have a sleepover. That was like two weeks ago 😉
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Good thinking! It’s a win-win for both of you. 😀
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Our kids never appreciate how cool we are compared to their friends parents.
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That is so true! If only they knew just how much worse we could actually be… 😛
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I DO enjoy your posts! I nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award. No pressure, just fun. So if you don’t do awards that’s okay : ) I wanted to share your blog with others since I enjoy reading it!
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Thank you so much for the shout out! I haven’t been participating in awards, but I do appreciate the nomination. 🙂
Hope you’re having a great weekend!
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I SO get that! This is the first time I have participated. It’s a lot of work. I can barely get my post written! Have a great week!
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Thank you! I love being a part of this wonderful blogosphere, with such amazing bloggers. And I’ve especially been enjoying your blog! The whole concept of having a favorite child from one day to the next is utterly (or udderly, as those egg-laying cows might say) hysterical. 😀
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Thanks so much! Of course I don’t really have a favorite, but I do have a favorite story every day. Thanks so much for reading and commenting! That’s what keeps me blogging😁
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🙂
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Hangry – angry and hungry? 🙂 Haha your kid is lucky that your imagination doesn’t do the speaking at teacher meetings. 😛 Loved this post! ❤
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Yup! Angry+Hungry=Hangry! 😀
Fortunate, I can control my creativity (mostly) when the situation requires exhibiting acceptable human conduct. 😛
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You slay me. 🙂 What is acceptable human conduct? I wonder. I think I do unless I get a phone call from someone soliciting. 😎 Sadly, the gloves come off. There’s an idea for you. Unwanted phone calls and how to respond. 🙂 Sometimes, I am bad when someone has the wrong number. I tell them the person they want to speak to is out. Not nice, Nancy. But it is kind of funny. Especially when they have called me more than once. ❤ Ya!.
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I just realized, I’m not even entirely certain of the requirements for qualifying as acceptable human conduct…but I’m pretty well convinced I’m missing the mark. 😛
I never would’ve pictured you taking off the gloves and engaging phone solicitors in a battle of one-sided shenanigans. You’re so funny! But alas, we do need to seek out fun and humor whenever an opportunity presents itself… 😉
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I used to grab my kids in the middle of the grocery store and holler “Everybody Mambo!” Yep. I’m THAT mom.
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Haha! Well, nobody can ever accuse you of being a boring mom. 😀
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Yeah I am sugar and spice and all things nice. When I say spice I mean hot chili powder. 8-P
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Indeed, you are! And that’s the best kind of spicy to be. 😀
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I’m just waiting until I’m so old I have to live with one of them and they decide it’s time for payback! lol
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Oh, boy! 😀 Better start some super-sweet, loving tradition of baking them cookies or something so they totally forget about everything. Like the past, for instance. 😛
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I bake all the time but my oldest lives out-of-state and the youngest doesn’t eat sweets very often. I’m hoping to win the lottery so I can offer bribes.
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Now that is the perfect solution! 😛
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Very cute! 🙂 Hope your weekend is going great. Are you really a blackbelt? I’m impressed.
ps – I think singing Justin Bieber at the top of your lungs is an excellent idea. ❤
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Yes! I was a karate kid. Definitely a little out of practice, but I’ve still got skill. Enough to impress my kids, at least. 😀
Hope you’ve been enjoying your weekend! It’s time for me to rehearse for my upcoming Justin Bieber performance. 😛
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Ha ha! I’d love to see that one. Have a great week ahead. 🙂
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You too! 🙂
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Wow, I think that was even too hip for me… except the part about licking the desk clean. That triggered some scary thoughts….
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Being that hip definitely was a little outside my comfort zone. 😛
Fortunately, I’m truly not a desk-licker… 😀
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Thought I was at the wrong site for a moment there. A natural introvert perhaps…but mama got a whole lot goin’ on upstairs. Ish happenin’ on the inside…totes!
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Haha! Well, as I said, that isn’t at all how I normally speak. But I try to at least understand the lingo and know how to properly use slang in a conversation. 😛
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Thanks for the laugh!!
Abby | https://seafoaming.com
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You’re welcome! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
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LOL!
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😀
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Thanks for the chuckle, it’s been a rough week.
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So sorry to hear you had a rough week, but I’m sure glad I was able to help. 🙂
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Thanks so much.
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Cool post, momma
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Thank you! 🙂
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This is wonderfully funny!
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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I haven’t used da word skank in a looong time. Too funny. Good one!
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Me, either! It’s definitely not a word I frequently use, but it helps with the visuals. 😛
Glad you enjoyed!
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“Dope” … I believe it is all that is required of me to say. For a word, that particular one is sufficiantly explanatory. I came by way of a betrothal party the engagement of Lindsay. Now I follow your place with curiosity and great excitement. In the volcabulary of Mr Will I Am… it’s sic to shoot the breeze wid ya.
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Woo hoo! It’s dope having ya here! 😛
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Fist bump!
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Fist bump! 😀
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I am dying! “You got an F on that test? An F?!? That’s it. Mama gonna go all gangsta on yo ass!
Right.”
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Haha! As much as I so love the sound of that epic tirade (in my head, anyway), I don’t know that I could actually say those things to my child with a straight face. 😛
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Haha! I don’t know anyone who can.
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Hangry…my new favorite word. 🙂
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It’s such a great word. It describes me all too well. 😀
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Yo! Cool momma! Lol! 😄
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If only! 😛
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Sounds cool to me.
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Thanks! I try. 😀
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We’re all embarrassing, all we have to do is breath. Lol
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Right. Breathe. Just breathe. Or drink… That’s another acceptable option, surely? 😛
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You can be my mother any time😂
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I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…I’ve been told I’m embarrassing. 😝😜😝
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