Gardening in Gnome Man’s Land

/ Quirky Girl

Who would’ve thought I’d moved to No Man’s Land to become a farmer?

I certainly didn’t see it coming.

My garden gnome would probably agree, too.

But he doubles as a bird bath, so what does he know?

Gnomes are thought to be symbols of good luck.

And, as protectors, they’re meant to watch over crops and ensure a bountiful harvest.

But I have to wonder if my gnome has gone into hibernation.

Or passed out drunk.

Every time I go outside to water my plants, I get eaten alive by fire ants or chased around the yard by kite-sized dragonflies.

But that doesn’t stop my determination.

Not even a bit.

Now, I don’t particularly have a green thumb.

But I do like living things.

And I also like green things.

Particularly if they’re useful. 

Especially if they’re edible.

Sure, I may be a bit rough around the edges…

But I can be very caring and nurturing.

I want things to grow and thrive.

Unless they’re prickly weeds.

Or hairy spiders.

Anyway…

Last year for my birthday, I begged for my very own veggie garden.

Seriously.

It was an experiment of sorts.

I knew nothing then.

I know slightly less nothing now

But this year, I am so ready.

In fact, last year’s oregano and parsley plants are still going strong!

In spite of unintentional neglect.

Meaning there may have been a month (or three) when I had completely forgotten to water them.

In my defense, it’s been a very hectic year.

Last year, we started with two strawberry plants, along with some cucumbers and tomatoes.

The tomatoes and cucumbers each yielded respectable levels of output.

And the strawberries?

They lasted six days.

Apparently, the adorable rabbits needed them more than we did.

This time around, I opted for a different variety of herbs.

Unfortunately, you can’t plant vodka.

Or Prozac.

So, I bought some lavender for my frazzled nerves.

And peppermint.

And purple basil.

Purple!

Green is great and all…

But diversity is a great thing.

In retrospect, I probably could’ve used an aloe vera plant for my gazillion bug bites.

Oh, well.

Maybe next time.

I was on a roll, though, and decided we also needed a tree.

And so a tree we did get.

A tree named Bob.

Yeah, you read that right.

Bob is named in honor of a generous Home Depot employee.

Nobody could find a price on the lone little Redbud tree that I so desperately wanted.

The checkout line was starting to snake all the way around the garden department.

So, Bob sent us off with a wave and a “Merry Christmas!”

Who says Christmas cheer can’t last all year?

Oh, but I wish I had remembered to ring the specially-designated bell for great service.

The only time I ever think about doing that is when I use self-checkout.

How funny would that be?

Besides, who doesn’t deserve a pat on the back for a job well done?

Maybe next time, I will remember.

And I will ring it.

For Bob, not myself.

No matter how awesome of a job I’d just done scanning and bagging my own crap.

But getting back to Bob the Tree.

My mom has taken a liking to calling our new tree Bob Hope.

After all, we really do seem to need all the hope…and help…we can possibly get.

Hope.

It sounds so promising.

So prosperous.

Plus, Bob Hope was a humorous centenarian.

A centenarian, for goodness sake!

Yeah, the guy was clearly on to something.

~Happy weekend, friends! As Bob Hope once said, “A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heartburn?”~

Meet Bob. He's the coolest little tree in town.

Meet Bob. He’s the coolest little tree in town.

48 thoughts on “Gardening in Gnome Man’s Land”

  1. I can see Bob Hope The Redbud Tree having a long and healthy future in this corner of the Internet…as well as your property. We had a generous cashier gift us a Christmas ornament one year – admittedly just before Christmas – because it had no price tag. We don’t recall the name of the cashier but certainly would have been open to naming it after them. Our attempts at gardening have gone horribly wrong due to a combination of climate and critters. Protecting them against both scenarios proved too daunting. We have done much better with cacti…which may speak directly to our skill set…or lack thereof. In any event, they thrive within our (indoor) care!

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    • I’ve struggled with even drought-tolerant plants in years past, but I’m slowly learning. If nothing else, I’m determined. 😝

      And it’s that determination that’ll help Bob thrive and prosper for years to come. He’s the very first tree I’d ever planted, so we’ve got a special bond. 😄

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  2. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! You make my days. Bob is adorable. Trees thrive and I believe your little Bob with become a supercentenarian! 😎

    Love gardening. I used to grow a variety of fruits, flowers, and veggies. Bur, alas, that was when I could walk and was in my 30s (during an abusive marriage). Gardening calms the soul, helps express creativity, and puts dinner and centerpieces on the table. 🙂

    Enjoy your garden and your Bobtree ❤

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  3. and you say your fingers are not green enough? Really, then I wonder what you would call mine. It was entirely and completely beginner’s luck for my poor aloe vera that it survived for all of three months. My friends (who are proud of their green fingers) are shocked that an aloe vera plant actually shriveled and eventually died in my hands. So that is how green my fingers are!
    Had a good belly laugh and hope Boby Hope grows into a big, strong tree under your care!

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  4. Ha ha ha! This is such a great post. You made me laugh out loud. And I LOVE BOB! I can’t wait until he gets into the many adventures of you and your family. Maybe you could have a “Bob” Series on your blog. 🙂 Anyway, thanks so much. Have an awesome week ahead — Debbie ps – keep smilin’

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  5. Thanks for the laughs! This reminds me of my attempts at growing vegetables and strawberries last year. Most of everything got eaten by slugs. I also tried to plant a Peruvian golden berry, and nothing happened… or so I thought. I put the plant pots outside, and they golden berry decided to grow this spring, when I had to move to another continent and leave it behind.

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    • Sure sounds like you can relate! How crazy that your Peruvian golden berry would only bloom in honor of your departure! Hopefully it was just trying to give you a lovely farewell present, rather than merely taunting you. 😄

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  11. I love the meandering quality of this story. The whole thing had me laughing but when I got to this part: “…to ring the specially-designated bell for great service. The only time I ever think about doing that is when I use self-checkout” I about busted my gut. Good luck with Bob the Christmas tree, hopefully your gnome will watch over him. And maybe your local nursery will discover a forgotten slew of vodka plants in the back and put them on sale. 🙂

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    • It’s true- the only time I ever take notice of that service bell is when I’m being a smart ass. 😛

      I just know Bob will thrive and grow in to a big, beautiful tree. Meanwhile, I’ll have to keep an eye for those vodka plants. 😝

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