Go to Hell!
Evidently, this simple three-word phrase is heavily frowned upon in some places.
Especially in Bible Belt country.
And especially when used by a child.
In school.
(Gasp!)
How do I know this?
Well, from recent experience, of course.
I honestly don’t believe that is, by any stretch of the imagination, the worst thing a person could possibly say.
At the same time, I also don’t personally go around telling all my friends to go to hell…
Plenty of people struggle to speak a single, coherent sentence without the added flair of numerous, strategically placed curse words.
I am not one of those people.
Yes, I do occasionally use such words here on my blog for comedic impact.
But not in my everyday conversations.
And certainly not when speaking to my kids.
My child-free brother, on the other hand, ironically tends to pepper his speech so heavily with curse words that nobody even seems to notice anymore.
Including him.
Or my kids.
It’s like our brains have been trained to filter through to register only the important information.
In fact, I asked my sons whether they ever notice their uncle cursing.
After careful consideration, they both answered at once:
No!
But then my older one paused for a brief moment before correcting himself.
Well, there was that one time, on Easter.
One time?
And on Easter, of all days?
Seriously?
But that was more a question of curiosity, on my part.
Besides, my poor Easter-cursing brother lives too far away to be all that big of an influence.
If anything, YouTube is by far the bigger offender of the two.
It’s paradoxically helpful and a bad influence, all at once.
Damn it, YouTube!
But anyway…
This past Monday, I received a somber phone call from the assistant principal informing me that my little darling would be spending the entire day in in-school suspension for this uncharacteristic transgression.
I had to marvel at the severity of the consequence.
And, of course, I also had to question how that statement had even come about in the first place.
Oh, that!
Yeah.
So-and-so said “hi!” to me in a weird voice.
So I told him to “go to hell”!
Right.
Because I can’t imagine any other plausible way to respond to such an appalling greeting.
And the best part?
That’s actually the kid’s real voice.
And, the child seemed to find this response humorous enough to laugh.
Geez.
The joys of middle school.
The struggle of trying to figure out who you are.
The struggle of trying to discover where you belong.
The struggle of simply trying to fit in.
This, evidently, is where the smartypants humor kicks in.
Who doesn’t love the class clown?
I know I’m a sucker for humor.
If someone makes me laugh, they’re my friend for life.
There’s no escaping my friendship.
Ever.
That’s pretty much all there is to it.
At any rate, I had to attend a conference at school the next morning.
And I had to put on real pants before going, because it seemed like it would probably be a good day to do so.
Perhaps I should’ve worn my World’s Okayest Mom shirt, too, but I didn’t think about it beforehand.
At least I didn’t burst out in laughter at any point during the meeting.
But I wonder if I should’ve pointed out that Hell is also a place in Michigan, and so perhaps my child was merely recommending a vacation idea…?
Or perhaps not.
Oh, well.
At least this makes for good writing material, right?
So…
If Hell is a place in Michigan…
Is it okay to tell someone to go to Michigan?
Sigh.
On a side note, maybe we really ought to go to Hell…
Hell, Michigan, that is.
Hey, you have to admit, it does sound rather intriguing…
~Happy weekend, everyone! Hope you all have a heavenly break from it all!~
I was just commenting to my wife over the weekend how many commercials run year-after-year this time of year here in Philly…for Michigan. The Tourism Bureau there apparently feels those of us in the Keystone State would like to visit Hell…in summer no less. The slogan they use on the ads is “Pure Michigan.” Perhaps they should change it to “Pure Hell.” I do think if we ever zero in on which location Hell actually resides within it would or should not be an issue telling someone to go there. I see where Michigan also has a Paradise. That state really has something for everyone, doesn’t it?
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Ha! Summertime in Hell sure sounds like a real treat. But then, if the choice is between Hell or Paradise… Hmmm. I guess it all comes down to whether or not they serve cocktails in Hell. 😛
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lmAo man…this is hilarious to me. If it makes you feel better, when my oldest daughter was in pre-k (she was 4 I think), a little boy told her something and she turned around and replied, “That’s bullshit!” I had to tell the Christian teacher at the Christian pre-k that I had no idea where she’d gotten this phrase from
And yes, maybe he could learn to say Go to MIchigan, instead lol because that’s clever.
One more thing, my 90-year-old grannie now replaces all of her cuss words with “magenta” because she has a three-year-old great grandaughter who repeats her every word smh
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Haha! At least magenta is a pretty color. And Michigan is preferable to hell. On second thought, I hadn’t been to either place, so perhaps that’s total bullshit. 😜
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lol
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Holy (or unholy) moly! There really is a Hell, Michigan! I looked it up and found four others, including one in California an hour or so from where I used to live. http://www.urbanghostsmedia.com/2014/06/5-towns-other-places-of-the-world-all-called-hell/
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Isn’t that crazy? There really is a Hell! And a Half Hell, too! 😄
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What the hell? (is that allowed? :D) Gotta love the t-shirt you chose to wore to the school conference … 🙂
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But of course! It’s all good (and evidently, fair game) in my little world. 😝
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Oh my! One has to wonder what the middle-of-summer temperatures are like in Hell. Hell, Michigan, that is. 😉 I taught my own kids that the best comeback when someone wishes them a nice trip to H-E-L-L is to simply reply, “I don’t believe in Hell.” In the middle school realm, anyway, this often results in gaping looks of shock. How in the Heck can they insult you if you don’t even believe that such a place exists? :O
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Now that’s a clever response!
It’s a cozy 39 degrees in Hell right now, so it might actually be a decent place to go in the summer to cool off! Who would’ve thought? 😄
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Ha! I had a substitute teacher from Hell, Michigan, and she loved calling herself “The Sub From Hell.” She was awesome.
They sure are serious about such a relatively minor curse word! Good on you for not laughing, though.
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“The Sub from Hell” has a rather catchy ring to it. I like it! 😄
Yeah, I thought a day of in-school suspension seems kinda harsh, especially for a first time offense. But then, religion is an enormous deal out here, and I suspect that was probably the bigger issue. 😬
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That it does!
Ugh. That’ll be interesting to see how they react when Little Man lets one slip — we live in conservative Southern country. When he was 5, he stepped in mud and yelled, “Shit!” in front of two preachers, and they about doubled over laughing.
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And the fun begins… 😄
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I love how the uncle’s cursing is so pervasive that the kids don’t even notice it… There was that ONE time, on EASTER? LOL! Somebody had probably just said hi to him in a weird voice or something. Congrats to you for getting through the conference without laughing or telling the principal to go to Hell; I admire you, SuperMom. 🙂
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Haha! My best guess is that perhaps the sight of the Easter Bunny didn’t sit well with him that day. 😜
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This reminded me of a “Malcolm in the middle” episode. Too funny.
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How funny! I’ve been watching all those Malcolm in the Middle reruns on Netflix lately. It usually makes me feel better about my kids and my parenting skills. Although maybe not so much at the moment… 😝
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I suppose that by your reasoning it’s also ok to say “Go to f*#k yourself” especially in Pennsylvania where Intercourse is an actual town. Ok, maybe that was a little bit of a stretch by me.
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I love all those bizarre town names. I’d written a post about that a while ago, and may have to follow up with another since there’s such an insane amount of hilariously wacky town names. Like Half Hell. And Batcave. Oh, and Humptulips. Yeah, seriously! 😄
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This reminds me of the time, back in middle school, when we were waiting in the library for the start of Health class and the class clown quipped that when students didn’t know where to go, the teachers would tell them to go to Health. He was immediately yanked out of his chair and sent to the principal. Several of the girls protested that he hadn’t said anything wrong, but even the pun was enough for serious consequences. J.
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Now that’s a clever pun. I’m surprised my child hasn’t thought of that variation yet. 😬
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I believe your son got in trouble NOT for saying “GO TO HELL,” but for creating massive technological confusion with GOOGLE’S GPS system (since HELL is also located in the Grand Caymen Islands.) What kind of parent teaches a child such devious acts? (LOL) 😀
Your writing is truly precious. It is important, however, to make certain one does not drink ANY FLUIDS while reading. There is a 50/50 chance it will wind up on the computer monitor rather than continue along the alimentary canal!
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Ah! So that’s what the issue at hand truly is- causing technological confusion on a grand scale. That actually sounds a lot better… 😄
Thank you for your kind compliments! 😊
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“Go to hell” would have been one of the nicest things I heard kids say in my junior high years. Hell…. er, heck, it would have been one of the nicest things I heard some of the teachers say!
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Wow! You must have had some interesting teachers with genuine job satisfaction. Of course, with that particular age group, I can definitely understand why they might’ve been a wee bit frustrated. 😄
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have mentioned I have lived abroad several times …. once for nearly a decade. On my return it does take time to adjust and once on one of those long public transport bus hikes across a city jumping off and on I needed a comfort stop. Asked a nice young couple where the nearest loo was and pleasant looking young chap said ‘go to hell’. She saw my shock and confusion and kindly pointed out that it was a large pizza chain and they had a public loo two doors up! A pizza chain called Hell? Did not feel good … being told that
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Does Hell make good pizza? If that’s the case, it could possibly be worth a quick visit. 😝
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was actually called Hell’s Kitchen but the lad had been itching for the day to tell somebody ‘to go to hell’ … and I only wanted to use a toilet 😦 So maybe worth the visit for a good pizza and the loo … with fire, flames and devils thrown in for entertainment value! lol
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Hell’s Kitchen… isn’t that the name of that Gordon Ramsey show? I always found Kitchen Nightmares to be entertaining, so if that’s one of his restaurants, it would probably have been worth the trip. Especially if there were flames, fire, and devils. Talk about atmosphere! 😝
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ha ha ha he’s a Brit, so wrong country! But I do like your analogy … I just wanted to pee … lol
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😄
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England has a Hull, close enough to fiery furnaces. It IS in the north 😉
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Hull and Hell do sound similar. Perhaps we could start using that as another variation: Go to Hull! 😄
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“At least I didn’t burst out in laughter at any point during the meeting.”
Yeah, been there, done that. Middle child is now in Lansing, MI working on her doctorate…go figure!
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Great! Happy to know it gets better and that there is hope, after all. 😝
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Humour helps skid the tracks for sure!!!!! 🙂
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It is one of my favourite less offensive sayings, although now I may change it to Go To Michigan – kind of has a more interesting sound to it!
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Not only does it sound interesting, it’ll also puzzle people long enough to buy a moment or two of utter silence. 😝
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I always wanted to live on Gorgeous street in Sachse (pronounced sexy) Texas. Really😊
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Texas isn’t exactly known for modesty when it comes to its Texas-sized pride. So it’s hard to imagine why they didn’t just spell it Sexy in the first place. 😜
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Leave it to you,Tink, to know about such a town as that! 🙂
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I see magic in everything 💫
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Well f*ck Michigan then! I’m going to move to Love, Saskatchewan!
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Love, Saskatchewan sounds so warm and fuzzy! And yet, it’s, like, 10 degrees there right now. Even so, it still sounds like a far more appealing prospect than Hell. 😄
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Excellent! Thanks for the good giggles!!
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You’re most welcome! Glad you enjoyed that fun-filled dose of insanity. 😛
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