Snips, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

/ Quirky Girl

He eats his veggies without a word of complaint.

He’s got a surprisingly great sense of humor, too.

And he actually seems to care about my feelings…

Instead of blatantly bulldozing over them like some people I know.

(Cough, cough, cough)

But he enjoys a good treat as much as my other two.

And I know for a fact all three of them will gleefully eat off the floor whenever the opportunity presents itself.

But that’s animals for you.

And kids, too.

The numerous parallels of kids and dogs are hard to deny.

As are the pros and cons of each, respectively.

In an already male-dominated household, adding a male dog to the mix naturally made the most sense.

Sure, the dog eagerly goes around sniffing crotches and behinds.

But otherwise, he’s got fairly impeccable manners.

In fact, I’m realizing that this new dog of ours is quite possibly the best behaved one in the house.

It’s true.

I mean, aside from yesterday’s Hot Dog Incident.

Did you know if you turn your back on a package of hot dogs while preparing dinner, the dog is gonna move in quickly and claim it for his own?

Yeah, well.

Live and learn, right?

But it isn’t really so different.

Kids and dogs both have a tendency to cram questionable objects in their mouths.

The kids would eat pennies when they were babies…

This dog eats chunks of his Nerf frisbee.

But he gives me hugs, any time, any place, without fear of embarrassment.

He’s loyal and unconditionally loving.

Let’s take a look at some of the virtues and vices of kids and man’s best friend, shall we?

Pro of dog:

Very few wants and needs.

Con of kids:

Need lots. Want everything.

Con of both:

Demand loads of attention.

Pro of dog:

Doesn’t talk, and more importantly, doesn’t back-talk.

Con of kids:

Argue and back-talk incessantly.

Pro of dog:

Eats the same thing day in and day out without complaint.

Con of kids:

Complain if you have the nerve to feed them the same thing twice in one week. (Unless it’s pizza or mac and cheese.)

Pro of kids:

Food seldom goes to waste. (Because they already ate everything. In the entire house. In one sitting.)

Con of dog:

Eats tennis balls. And his frisbee. And our dinner.

Con of dog:

Eats flies right out of the air whenever he’s outside.

Pro of kids:

Well… I’ve never noticed my kids doing any such thing…

Pro of dog:

Doesn’t demand newest iPhone.

Con of kids:

Demand newest iPhone and Beats headphones and newest laptop.

Con of dog:

May not demand these gadgets, but might chew up yours, though.

Con of kids:

Addicted to all things electronic.

Con of dog:

He’s addicted, and I mean addicted to Chuck It balls. (They must be laced with crack.)

Con of dog:

If dad is choking, it must be a good time to lick him in the face until he chokes harder.

Con of kids:

If dad is choking, get agitated by the rude distraction and crank up the volume on the tv.

Pro of dog:

Wakes up refreshed and excited for a new day.

Con of kids:

Wake up like sleep-deprived, starving zombies.

Pro of dog:

Enjoys the feeling of being clean.

Con of kids:

Shower? Again? Why?!?

Con of kids:

Laughed at me when I almost fell out of my chair.

Con of dog:

Laughed at me when I almost fell out of my chair.

(Hmmmm…)

Pro of kids:

Eventually learn to use toilet.  Don’t have to use diapers or a pooper scoop for life.

Con of dog:

Will poop and pee, any time, any place, forever.

Con of kids:

They’ll fart nonstop and bodily functions become the dominate mealtime conversational topic.

Pro of dog:

Doesn’t require shoes or clothing.

Con of kids:

Not only is it considered unacceptable to show up to school naked, it’s also not cool to show up in outgrown clothes that are soooo three months ago.

Pro of dog:

Loves being active. Always wants to go for walks and play.

Con of kids:

Go outside? To do what? Is the house on fire?!?

Pro of dog:

Gives hugs and kisses without expecting anything but love in return.

Con of kids:

If they’re being unusually affectionate, watch your back. And your wallet.

Pro of kids:

If you’re lucky, they’ll help take care of you when you are old and decrepit.

Con of dog:

If you die and nobody else is around, he might consider eating you.

Wow.

Aside from that last argument, it almost seems like it’s completely one-sided.

That it should be no contest.

That unconditional love = pets.

And unconditional needs = kids.

But that’s hardly the case at all.

They’re both rewarding and heartwarming, in their different ways.

Sure, a dog won’t laugh if you leave the house with your shirt on backwards or your pants inside out.

But kids?

Oh, they’ll laugh, alright.

They’ll laugh about it now, and they’ll laugh about it every day for the next six months…

Until you do something even more foolish to take their minds off of your previous transgression.

And then you can all laugh about it together.

~Happy Saturday, everyone! Hope you all get to spend an enjoyable weekend with your kids, dogs, cats, pet snakes, or whatever brings you joy and happiness!~

As long as I don't tear this new toy to shreds in the next few seconds, I just might become the new favorite child! 

As long as I don’t tear this new toy to shreds in the next few seconds, I just might become the new favorite child!

37 thoughts on “Snips, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails”

  3. It’s also more difficult to sell children on E-bay, but they frequently sell at higher prices than pets. I certainly hope all 10 of my children and their new families are enjoying their lives together. I miss them all very much while I lay here having a mai tai in the islands (retired) worrying whether the bar tender replenished his stock of alcohol. 😀

    Loved your post and the many truths it revealed. Having a family (and a pet) is a wonderful way to go through life!

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    • I have never tried to sell my kids on eBay (which is notably different than not thinking about doing so), but I’m sure your 10 kids are thriving beautifully, wherever they might be, as you kick back and enjoy your well-deserved mai tais. (Have a drink for me!) 😄

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    • Haha! It’s always better to have your children around for an audience when you do something foolish. Where’s the fun in it if there’s no witnesses to make fun of you afterward? 😝

      On that very topic, I had made the mistake of leaving out one of the letters in my name when we had gone bowling. Two years ago. My younger son was talking about it today on the drive home from school. Again. 😬

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  8. OMG Angelica, this is too funny. You hit each point perfectly. I can simply relate for I too have a dog. I love how you take the normal everyday things that most people often look and bring it to light. I always look forward to your posts.

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  10. I have no kids, so I can’t truly compare. Dog Pro: Keeps my bed so warm that I can turn the heat down 5-10 degrees at night. Dog Con: Chews holes in my comforter, which has lost so many feathers that I need to turn the heat up 5-10 degrees to stay warm at night. So it’s about even, except for unconditional love, which (as you are finding out, Quirky) is priceless. 🙂

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    • Fortunately, my kids have made it this far in life without chewing their way through any textiles (that I’m aware of, anyway). But it sounds like your dog does a commendable job of trying to balance out the loss of heat from the partially devoured comforter by serving as your very own personal heater. 😄

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  12. Friends came to stay over recently and brought their dog. I was told to put away my homemade fruit flan as he would have it and show no remorse. I knew Merlin and believed him to be a good lad, but this is not the case. He also left his black hairs all around the gaff including upstairs. I am still finding them. Love dogs just don’t want the hassle of hiding food and vaccing every 30 mins 🙂

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  13. So much fun! Seriously, I haven’t laughed so much in ages. Funniest thing is though, it’s all so true. I’d better go let Harry in now, he was farting so much I had to kick him out! Can’t do that with the kids, well, I suppose I could. Have a great weekend. 🙂

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