Two of the most dreaded things in life:
Going to the doctor…
And waiting.
Pair those two things together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
Especially when you add a couple of kids to the mix.
Then things really start to get ugly.
Yeah.
It’s a disastrous combination.
Meow Mix tastes like crap!
When is that guy coming in here again?
This, evidently, is how my boys enjoy passing the painful expanse of time waiting for the doctor.
Eww! Who farted?
Are you sure it wasn’t you?
Poop smells terrible…ly good!
What is the matter with you?
I’m tired! And I’ve had too much caffeine!
The room goes silent for a brief moment before they move on to battling it out over the leather spinning stool.
Oooh! It’s so soft and smooth. It’s like hugging the inside of a cow!
(As a vegetarian, this thought is especially unpleasing to me.)
They direct their attention to whatever Nintendo DS game they’d brought along for the ride.
This level sucks! Freaking Mario! You suck so bad!
The door to the room opens, and my older child redirects his attention.
He accusingly points at the doctor and indignantly exclaims:
We’ve been waiting forever for you! What took so long?!?
Don’t talk to the doctor like that! I’ll slap you!
Here, I’ll take care of that.
And he slaps himself.
Can we go to 7-11 and get Slurpees after this?
I don’t think so. Stupidity equals no Slurpees.
I’m gonna stick a cactus in your eye!
If your murder me, you’ll go to jail!
I’m gonna throw you off a three-story building! No, off a ten-story building! No, off the Empire State Building!
(Note: this is not at all what I envision when I encourage them to aim high.)
Keep that up and you’re going to be on America’s Most Wanted.
What’s America’s Most Wanted?
At this point, the doctor good-naturedly interjects:
You don’t want to be on wanted posters in post offices all over the country, do you?
Ooh, yeah! I want to be on America’s Most Wanted!
Can you hurry up and give him his shots now?
I’ll throw you out the window!
No, you won’t.
Last time you had to get shots, you screamed like a girl!
Why you gotta be so rude?
Augh! Don’t you dare! Don’t you do it!
Hold still or they’re gonna send a football player in to tackle you for your shot!
Wanna go? Come on. I’ll take you down!
The doctor’s gonna whack you with his reflex hammer if you don’t knock it off.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, good job! You did it!
And just like that, it was all over.
Can we go out to dinner?
Ha! Like I’m going to take anyone anywhere after that mayhem.
But at least we made it out of there without any of us ending up on America’s Most Wanted.
~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a fantastic weekend!~
Why settle for brawling at home when you can share the joy by brawling in public?
comically quirky 
This brings back so many memories of trips to the doctor with my own children. As much as I dreaded them, I now look back on them with pure fondness. Thanks for letting me relive a small sample of what I kind of went through.
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While I don’t particularly enjoy going to the doctor, I suppose any outing that may result in insanely bizarre conversations is well worth it when I’m getting good writing inspiration out of it. 😜
Glad you enjoyed a fond trip down memory lane! 😊
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Even mine that are on the verge of adulthood get antsy in the waiting room….and our doctor is usually on time! Going anywhere with multiple children always leads to some interesting interactions!
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Oh, yes. “Interesting” is most definitely the right word. It’s almost as though kids save their most impressive conversations for the viewing pleasure of unwitting audiences. 😝
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Ha!! Poop smells terrible…ly good!
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It’s so bad…ly great! 😝
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Lol! Congratulations, until next time 😉
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Ha! Why, thank you! 😀
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🙂
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Thanks for the laugh! I’d call it a win. You survived the doctors visit and got some great writing material while you were there!
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Glad to help! Yes, surviving and getting writing material out of it is definitely a double win. 😀
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This kind of entertainment would be great the next time I have to spend two hours at the doctor’s office because they don’t have their act together. I guess I need to schedule appointments that don’t coincide with school times…
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Next time you have to go to the doctor, I highly recommend bringing a child along for cheap entertainment. You can offer to babysit for a family member or friend… conveniently when you’ll have a scheduling conflict and be left with no choice but to take the child along with you to your appointment. 😀
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Do you think girls are easier?! 🙂
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From everything I’ve heard, it sure doesn’t sound like girls are any easier. But at least boys are entertaining, if not particularly capable of socially acceptable conduct… 😛
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Ha ha ha! That is hilarious! Thank you. 🙂 I especially like the thing about why stay at home when you can brawl in public. Tickled my funny bone.
Hope your weekend is going great. Take care of yourself!!! Debbie
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Thanks! And yes, it seems brawls are more…entertaining when we have the thrilling opportunity to share them with everyone around us. 😛
Hope your week is off to a great start! 🙂
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Do you take down dictation word for word while these things are going on? WOW! I think I need two aspirin. And a Slurpee. 🙂
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As a matter of fact, whenever these boys of mine are on a roll, I whip out my phone and start frantically typing notes on the notepad so I can accurately capture the insanity, verbatim. Some of it is just too good to not jot down for future use. 😝
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There are snowflakes falling outside my window as I’m reading and your post (once again!) has left me smiling – the back and forth of your “dynamic duo” having energized me as well or is that adrenaline?!
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Snowflakes sound so peaceful. There’s nothing like sitting by the fireplace, snuggled under a blanket and drinking hot tea while watching the world get blanketed in a soft layer of pure white. ❄️❄️❄️
The crazy energy of crazy kids is pretty contagious, so perhaps that’s what you’ve been experiencing… 😝
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Gosh, you took me back. The joys and tribulations of it all. Don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it! Hope you’re having a fab weekend. 🙂
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The sad part is, I think I’d probably be bored without all this mayhem. 😜
The weekend is off to a good start so far! Have a happy Sunday! 😊
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Yep, lap it all up while you can. Lots of great moments and memories … 🙂😃 Happy Sunday to you too (it’s a long holiday weekend here) x
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Enjoy your long weekend! 😀
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Thanks, I will 😊
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I’m more relieved nobody got a cactus in their eye! Your expression must have been priceless at the time this whole debate was going on … 🙂
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Sometimes I find it easiest to just to smile calmly and pretend this is all totally normal. Which, in our case, does indeed seem to be the norm… 😝
But, hey, at least we are never bored. That’s got to count for something, right? 😁
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It is quite normal. These are all the happy memories that’ll make you look back and smile one day. xx
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Most definitely. 😊
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Ah, those were the days. You will miss it when they are gone and married off. Not much, but you’ll miss it.
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In some ways, I actually find these exchanges entertaining. So I’m not particularly in a hurry for the insanity to end. Of course, that may only be the writer in me talking, since these exciting experiences typically give me writing inspiration… 😜
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All the better. Roll with it
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Indeed. Might as well roll with it and enjoy the ride. 😄
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