Rhymes with Croak

/ Quirky Girl

Just do you.

I could totally get behind that mantra.

Truly, I’d love to.

If the context were to be completely different.

Ah.

Diet Coke.

With their newest commercial, they’ve accomplished the impossible.

Defiantly boasting of the coolness of doing whatever the hell you want, with an alarming tone reeking of utter desperation…

Let’s just say they’ve stooped to a new low.

You want to run a marathon?

Why would you want to do that?

It sounds super hard.

Just have a Diet Coke!

Yeah, we know it’s bad for your health.

But who cares?

Might as well die happy while all your organs start mutating and eating you alive from the inside out!

Way to go, Coca-Cola.

You’re empowering people to be the utmost mediocre versions of themselves.

I’m impressed.

You’re all but admitting your product is total crap, while encouraging people to aim low.

What a spectacular way to rebrand.

It’s the quintessential opposite of Nike’s Just Do It slogan.

But I get it.

Sales are plummeting as people become more health conscious, and you guys need to convince your target audience that your product is still relevant and cool.

So now you’re trying hard to appeal to millennials.

Just do you.

You only live once.

So why not develop a fine new addiction?

Coca-Cola or cocaine?

Either kind of coke will probably do.

After all, why the hell not?

YOLO, right?

Ooooh!

Look at all the pretty new colorful cans!

They’re so…tall!

And so slender!

And still every bit as bad for you!

But who cares!

YOLO!

Yeah, I know.

Serves me right for watching five minutes of Hulu after last week’s trashing.

But still.

Because I can!

Clever catchphrase, paired up with idiotic rationale.

Diet Coke makes you feel good!

Just like drugs!

Oh, you love meth?

It makes you feel great?

That’s awesome!

You keep right on doing you!

Everyone and everything else be damned.

Did you know Coke is great for shining pennies and removing rust from toilets?

And also for removing skunk odors…?

Which begs the question:

How could it not be good for your insides?

Sure, it can cause breakouts.

And mood swings.

And metabolic disorders.

But what’s not to love?

Why run a super hard marathon when you can just drink a Diet Croak?

Uh, I mean, Coke.

At least completing a marathon is something one can look back on with some degree of pride.

So what are you proud of?

Oh, I just had a Diet Coke.

Because I can.

I’m a badass, defiant rebel like that.

Uh huh.

That’s right.

Because. I. Can.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’d rather live in a yurt.

I hate to say it, but desperation is not an attractive look for you, Diet Coke.

~Happy Friday, friends! For the record, if you’re a fan of Diet Coke, I’m not judging you in the least. I merely found this style of “marketing” to be too humorous to not poke fun at. Have a fantastic weekend!~

When the first part of your name starts with "die", incognito may be the way to go...

When the first part of your name starts with “die”, incognito may be the way to go…

57 thoughts on “Rhymes with Croak”

  2. Perfect takedown of Coke…specifically Diet Coke. It’s like they threw up their collective hands and said…what the hell, let’s just have someone tell everyone to drink it. Genius. How much did they pay for that marketing?!

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  4. I gave up soda years ago. I’m sure their sales are plummeting with people becoming more health conscious and I’ve heard diet is even worse for you than regular. I remember drinking Kool-Aid as a kid, but when my husband told me that’s what they used to clean the grills in Navy, I decided that could not be good for you insides! And while my kids have tasted it, we did not provide it in the house (that’s not to say my 16 and 17 year old son’s don’t make questionable drink choices…energy drinks…sodas).

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    • Oh, I drank Kool-Aid and ate boatloads of those ice pops filled with artificial goodness when I was a kid. I’m surprised I didn’t turn a radioactive shade of blue along the way. 😂

      Things like that were practically considered childhood essentials! But do I want my kids ingesting that crap now? No way! Like you’ve said, though, kids are inclined to make questionable food/drink/health choices in spite of our best efforts. 😑

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  9. My kinda post!! Another commercial that suggests consumers do what they want to. I hope many children watch this commercial so when they avoid doing their homework and house chores they can express to their teachers and parents, the choice was simple…drinking a diet coke won out!

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    • “Why did you choose playing video games over studying for your science test, Timmy?”

      “Because I can!”

      Oh, right. Duh!

      Way to “Just Do You”, little guy! Show the world that you’re the one in control! Or would that be controlled? Hmm…

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  10. Wow! You hit the nail on the head or is the head on the nail (I never get this one right – just clumsy I guess). There is so much truth here, presented in a very smart and quirky, yet sophisticated presentation. Awesome! Thank you!!

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    • Haha! Just don’t use your head to whack any nails! After repeating it both ways, I’ve decided that they both make sense. More or less. 😆

      Thank you so much for your comment! Quirky does tend to be a strong point of mine. I’m glad you enjoyed. Have a great weekend! 😁

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  11. Loved the post Angelica. I’ll never look at another Diet Coke can the same way again. I’m so glad I gave that up years ago. It’s amazing what advertising companies will do to try and sell their products huh?

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  12. What a terrible advert. Urgh. Not only for the obvious health dangers of such a shite product but the “Just do you” tagline. Does this include for paedophiles, rapists, murders, armed robbers? Wow, just keep on keeping on guys.

    On another matter, following on from previous correspondence, have you seen there is a Friends reunion film due?!

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  13. God I love this post! Thank you. 🙂 It’s so important to bring humor into the crazy ads that are out there, and to raise awareness at the same time. That is super cool. Thanks for the smile. Have a great weekend! Hope your kids and dog are doing great. Debbie

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    • It figures on the rare occasion I happen to turn on the TV, this incredulous ad came on like three times in 20 minutes! And each time I watched it, the more insanely absurd it seemed to me. 😜 Hope your weekend was terrific, and that your Monday is full of brightness. ☀️

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  14. It’s the **size** – I mean it looks like a metal version of a liter bottle and how many ‘servings’ is in that? Even bigger than a canned Bud Light – you know making it “lite” back in the day was marketed to attract the ‘dainty’ female population, but at least it’s not a supersized canned version of the original product! (half the calories so can drink double the amount???)
    Not only all the above you wrote about DIEt Coke is sickeningly true, but the fact of that marketing playing into American’s basic problem with portion control…geesh.
    Thanks for letting me join you in the rant!
    🙂

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  15. Never drank it – didn’t let my kids drink it. As an aside, a nurse told me it’s great for unclogging stomach feeding tubes, and I can vouch for that when my hubby had one. I’ve also seen on youtube that it’s great for cleaning your toilet 🙂 –

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  17. oh my word! I agree that I don’t want all those chemicals, either. You have to read closely too, because they sneak it in all kinds of things. That last part… ‘die’ t going incognito…very good! haha

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