Directionally Delusional

/ Quirky Girl

Recalculating…

I swear, I’d never get anywhere without a GPS.

Although I don’t particularly seem to be getting anywhere with one either…

Ah.

The great Global Positioning System.

Where exactly does this thing think it ought to be positioning me?

Straight into the path of danger?

I wouldn’t doubt it.

After my younger son’s doctor appointment, we decided to get out and explore downtown.

My GPS informed me of a sprawling park with playgrounds and a botanical garden just one mile away.

I was looking forward to enjoying a bit of one-on-one time with my son.

Now I know I should’ve just dumped him back off at school and called it a day.

For the record, I’ve got a track record of getting lost just backing out of my own driveway.

Truly, I have no concept of direction.

If I didn’t have a compass in my car, I probably would’ve driven straight into an ocean by now.

Some people have an internal compass.

My husband and older son both have it.

My younger son and I clearly do not.

Instead, I’m gifted with an overactive imagination and an inclination for getting lost going nowhere.

Yes, I know GPS is not foolproof.

And sure, some people prefer to use good old maps.

But for me, reading a map is like trying to decipher hieroglyphics.

I’m convinced printed maps serve only as intricately detailed wall hangings.

Did I mention I have no sense of direction?

None.

Zero.

Zilch.

Turn left now.

Um, okay.

But that would put us the wrong way on a one way road, so I think I’ll pass.

Thanks, though.

At the fork, stay to the left.

That’s all and well…

Except following that cue just threw us onto an entirely different freeway altogether.

Would somebody please explain to me the logic of a freeway called I35E that evidently runs north and south?

Rather than eastbound, as the E would imply…?

Why not just name it I35Q instead, to eliminate any unnecessary confusion?

At any rate, we could actually see the park from where we’re at…

Make a U-turn.

Make a U-turn.

Take the ramp ahead.

Okaaaay…

But which ramp?

And to where, exactly?

There are various ramps leading to six different freeways.

One of them is a toll road.

And I refuse to pay money to get lost.

No, thank you.

Prepare to park and walk the rest of the way.

Excuse me?!?

Does that seriously sound like something anyone ought to be doing?

Across a freeway?!?

I always say I want to get out and explore more.

But this was not at all what I’d envisioned.

Getting lost is never intentionally on my agenda.

Nor is driving in circles.

Or making dozens of U-turns.

With such overwhelming helpfulness, GPS surely must be one of Siri’s relatives.

In 200 ft, make a U-turn.

Make a U-turn.

Turn right.

Make a U-turn.

Seriously?

The GPS loses connection as we go through a tunnel.

On the wrong freeway, of course.

And then it can’t seem to figure out where on earth we are.

By the time it regains satellite, it’s convinced we’re coasting along on an adjacent freeway.

Gotta love complex metropolitan cities.

There’s a reason I prefer to stick to surface streets.

Half an hour later, we’re right back where we started.

I’m not getting anywhere.

Literally, I’m going nowhere…

 Recalculating…
 ~Happy Friday, friends! Who else can relate to the chaos of getting lost every time you enter a vehicle? I know I can’t possibly be the only one… I hope! Anyway, have an amazing weekend!~
The GPS never lies...

The GPS never lies…

50 thoughts on “Directionally Delusional”

  1. I don’t trust GPS systems – have seen one too many movies and shows where they get hacked, fail miserably, etc. Then again, I am the guy who can’t find his car in the parking lot even when it’s the only one. I can pretty much always tell my North from South, East from West just fine. I just can’t – ever – find my car…!

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  2. Haha! Have I mentioned that we can compete and I could possibly be the proud winner. By competition I mean competition on a sense of direction or rather the lack of it. I think that every road other than the one below my home is the same and the GPS is as alien as quantum physics. Thanks for the laughs, QG.

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  4. The GPS is part of a conspiracy to increase sedentary living and unhealthy outcomes. These GPS voices remain calm as we begin pulling the hair out of our heads in frustration. Rather than listen to another “U turn” request, we hit the “what’s local button” to discover a new path. It typically leads us DIRECTLY to a McDonalds. Funny how it can’t find a park (filled with healthy activities and outdoor sunshine), but has no difficulty keeping our hip flexor muscles contracted (ultimately) altering quality posture while efficiently creating the shortest possible path to hydrogenated fats and other processed substances. I tell you, the GPS (although required by me as well) is no real friend of the human race! 😀

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  5. Sometimes those GPS’s drive me crazy! We were once at a soccer tournament in another city and my daughter and I went to dinner. I could see the hotel from the stoplight and yet the GPS was trying to convince me that I should get on the Interstate. Ummm…no thank you! lol.

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  8. Ha, ha, ha! This is great. 🙂 I love the part about walking across the freeway 🙂 and the cartoon at the end. I was once in a car and we were using a GPS. And it said (in a lovely compassionate female voice), “I’m sorry, I can’t help you any longer. I swear to God.

    Anyway thanks for another great post. I’m taking a break from doing my taxes – I actually like doing them, is that weird? Blessings, Debbie

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  10. Way too funny Angelica. I took tried GPS but found it much too stressful. I always tend to resort to going to Google Maps to find places. I print out a map of where I want to go and highlight the route as well as the detailed written directions it provides. I commend you for even trying it.

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    • I prefer to map things out beforehand myself, whenever I have that option. But sometimes it is nice to be spontaneous. So I guess next time, I will have to do a better job at planning my spontaneity. 😂

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  11. What is it with GPS’s and U-turns, Quirky? Usually that’s what Tom-Tom says right after “recalculating” instead of just finding another way. Doesn’t he know how rarely a move like that is legal? Not if he’d send you the wrong way down a one-way street, I guess. LOL. Good luck 🙂

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    • GPS likes to claim no responsibility for its misguided attempts at getting people from point A to point B, legalities be damned. GPS will usually get you wherever you want to go, but it never said anything about getting you there in one piece. But hey, minor detail, right? 😂

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  12. Love it!!!! I can soooo relate. GPS systems and me are a love/hate thing. I’m constantly arguing with my guy on the dash as he seems to have a misguided sense of direction and mind of his own. In fairness though, I usually get there though but not after going through every conceivable side road in town. 😏 Thanks for the laugh. Fun post.

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  15. lol great post … I remember a similar event in Canberra, we could see the bell tower but it has circular roads and there was just no way we could get there!
    I posted an article recently about my argument with Bertha, had to name my GPS … but she’s been switched off since. I prefer the old style paper maps but they are unwieldy.

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