Google is to a hypochondriac what meth is to a junkie.
Oh, come on.
You know the deal.
You’re suddenly afflicted with sharp stomach pains from hell…
So you turn to Dr. Google to shed some insight.
Inevitably, Google leads you to WebMD for totally reliable self-diagnostic help.
After scanning through symptoms and possible causes, you manage to convince yourself it’s not simply constipation or indigestion.
No.
It’s undoubtedly a raging bout of appendicitis that is about to do you in, right there in the middle of the Summer Fun section at Walmart.
Unless you make a beeline for the nearest hospital right this very minute.
All you know for certain is you’re obviously dying.
I swear, the symptoms for migraines and brain damage are identical.
Ok, well.
Maybe not exactly.
But seriously, have you ever noticed how so many different health issues all have the same set of symptoms?
Oh, the things it could be!
Got a headache?
It’s obviously an aneurysm, and that clock is just a tickin’.
Or it could be head trauma.
What’s that?
Don’t remember hitting your head in the first place?
Well, duh.
Wheezing and coughing?
Could be asthma.
Or a sinus infection.
Or congenital heart failure.
Fatigued?
Could be the flu.
Or Lyme disease.
Or just good ol’ PMS.
Hallucinations?
Could be schizophrenia.
Or epilepsy.
Or just poorly interacting medications.
Irritability?
Could be hypothermia.
Or a sleep disorder.
Or meningitis.
Nauseated?
Could be food poisoning.
Or a heart attack.
Or perhaps you’re pregnant.
(Congratulations!)
Forgetful?
Could be delirium.
Or dementia.
Or head trauma.
(Seriously, quit knocking your head around!)
Oh, the things it could be!
Lucky for me, I have a high pain tolerance.
Which is great, because I’m freakishly allergic to aspirin and Advil.
And apparently, most antibiotics don’t work for me, either.
Hell, I can’t even take Benadryl to counteract an allergic reaction because it knocks me out cold.
But I do take comfort in knowing I can just conk myself over the head with a frying pan to ease the pain and be good to go.
That’s all the so-called healthcare I need.
~Happy Friday, friends! Hope you have a happy and healthy weekend, free of any un-fun doctor or WebMD visits!~
(Oh, the Things It Could Be originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 8/5/16.)
Haha! QG, this got me cracking. Yes! I google symptoms too and have learnt extraordinary diseases (that I was not aware existed) have identical symptoms. Like the other day when my daughter came back from the first day of school with stomach cramps and rashes, Google indicated that it could be anything from Scarlet fever to a lymphoma. Luckily, it was just hunger pangs due to suddenly sticking to a school routine unlike eating what they wish all through the summer holiday.
Enjoyed this one!
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Google is great! Except when it’s not. In those moments, I wish the internet didn’t exist so I’d quit self-diagnosing and convincing myself I have any one of the million possible afflictions I’d just read about. 😂
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Oh yes!
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I try to avoid Dr Google if I can. 🙂
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And understandably so! Dr. Google has a wealth of knowledge… most of which I’m apparently better off not knowing myself. 😛
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Very funny and true! I had a physician tell me don’t use Dr. Google it’s full of all the wrong information you could want. I work in health care network and I’m guilty too. 😂
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Oh, but there’s so much great information out there! And who knows? If you keep reading long enough, you might just stumble on exactly the right at home self-diagnosis! 😛
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Tingling and numbness in the hands and wrist could be a sign of carpal tunnel, or too much looking up of medical diagnoses on Google…
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Ah, so that explains all that incessant tingling in my right hand lately… 😛
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My dad has some interesting health issues and my mom is a serious Googliphile…makes Thursday night dinner kind of crazy sometimes. He’s enjoying dinner and she wants me to read stuff she’s printed out! Loved this. Even after my doctor says my gallbladder is fine, I’m sure it has to come out, ha!
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Aww, come on! Who doesn’t enjoy a rousing (and sure to be appetizing!) discussion about ulcers or irritable bowel syndrome over a nice family dinner? 😛
(The word Googliphile cracks me up!) 😀
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You know, being a nurse, I guess I ask for it a bit…
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A frying pan is THE obvious choice to have in your first aid kit 🙂
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Undoubtedly! It’s such a quick and easy fix. 😛
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Excellent post! Very funny. 🙂
I avoid WebMD like the plague … because it IS a plague. It convinces us that we have everything, up to and including the plague.
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Absolutely! If you stick around WebMD long enough, you might somehow find a way to convince yourself that scurvy is making an overwhelming and devastating comeback. Gotta love the internet! 😛
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Great … now I think I have scurvy! Thanks a lot!
Ha ha! 😀
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Uh oh! Are you sure it’s not typhoid? Or perhaps malaria? 😛
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Or all of the above. 😀
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Yes, absolutely all of the above. Undoubtedly. 😛
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Take care of yourself! 🙂 I love your humor. Funny, when you wrote about conking yourself over the head with a frying pan, I was thinking of an analogy with forgiving our judgments … maybe with a slightly gentler approach. Many blessings to you. Give your dog a pet for me ok?
Love, Debbie
ps – I’m doing a “Happy-ness Experiment” for the next 7 days if you have any interest in joining me. Pretty simple & fun. Check out my blog post on it today (if you want to!) 🙂
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Thank you! Yes, forgiveness is far more beneficial when done without the use of a frying pan. 😛
I’ll be by to check out your blog challenge soon… I’m already far behind, and summer has only just begun!
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You mean I’m not the only one?? Thanks for the smile.
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Haha! No, you are definitely not the only one. 😛
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lol nice one … I try to avoid both, Mr G and medical diagnosis 🙂
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Same here. If I spent too much time Googling my multitude of potential symptoms, I’m convinced that I not only have every affliction known to mankind, but possibly another one that will inevitably end up being named in my honor one day. 😀
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lol you are hilarious!
We attract the energy we put out so we can make ourselves quite ill … I prefer to be well 🙂
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During a health crisis, I had to stop Googling because every bread-crumb strewn path led to disaster…it’s good to read your words again, I’m always smiling at the end (& just thinking of Jett does the same!)!
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How true that statement is… Googling inevitably leads to disaster. Yikes! Fortunately, Jett has not yet learned about the joys of Google… 😛
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I bet he’d like to!
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Well, you can’t live forever. Might as well get used to the idea. Cheers.
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That’s the spirit! 😂🤣😂
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I try to avoid looking up symptoms because I’m pretty much a hypochondriac, so if I read about it, I have it. Too scary, and of course you fixate on the worst one. Fun seeing how you’ve listed it out like this! 🙂
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I think the internet, particularly Google, is just plain bad for our health. Nothing like pairing an overactive imagination with the all-knowing wisdom of the internet. Must be why ignorance is considered bliss! 😆
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Ha! I love WebMD, and I absolutely love how it could always be cancer or some other life threatening thing.
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WebMD should come with some sort of warning indicating that reading any and all of the material on its site can be hazardous to a person’s (mental) health. 😝
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OMG Angelica. this post is so on point. There are times when I turn to Google and self diagnose myself and it’s a dangerous thing. It seems as if I have all the symptoms of every disease out there. Worry and anxiety sets in and it just creates a chaos in my whole immune system. I’ve been instructed by my doctor to refrain but it’s truly hard to do so in this day and age. I’m glad I’m not alone in perusing the internet for clues to my health.
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“It seems as if I have all the symptoms of every disease out there.”
Yes!!! 😂🤣😂 This is precisely how I feel after spending even just five minutes Googling symptoms. Nothing good ever comes out it…
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Just google it – catch phrase of the century
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Indeed!
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I don’t trust my own full comprehension of medical terms and that sort of thing. There are health care pros who have skills to pay their bills and that’s good enough for me.
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As much as I’d like to be able to self-diagnose myself from the comfort of home, it is a rather horrifying prospect. 😅
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