The 12 Days of Crazed Christmas Coercions

1) You really think you’ve been good enough to even receive coal!?! Ha!

2) Define “good.”

3) I told Santa you thought you’ve been good this year. He cracked a rib laughing.

4) One word for you: Krampus.

5) Santa is watching. Well yeah, I guess technically that means Krampus is watching, too…

6) Fine. Be naughty. Santa would be more than happy to save himself a trip!

7) The moment you stop believing is the moment you start receiving socks and underwear. Just remember that!

8) No, I’m not sure why Santa likes cookies so much. Yes, he is a “big dude.”

9) No, we will not create a special chimney for Santa. He can go through the front door like every other respectable human being.

10) Sorry, no. Putting you in time out will not cement my place alongside you on the naughty list.

11) One more word and we’ll pack up your toys and donate them all to kids in need. Seriously, knock it off! Or we’ll donate you, too.

12) Yeah, I know you’re having visions of sugar plums. Visions of throwing them at my head, perhaps? (C’mon. We all know nobody actually eats those things)

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Even Santa needs a break sometimes. Do him a favor, would ya?

Even Santa needs a break sometimes. Do him a favor, would ya?