The Badness of Bart

Don’t have a cow, man!

El Barto.

Bartman.

Bart Simpson.

Homer and Marge’s impressively underachieving firstborn.

Mischievous and rebellious, this kid is definitely not a role-model child by any stretch of the imagination.

But he is one of America’s favorite juvenile delinquents.

Presenting ten inspiring quotes from the infamous Bart:

bart simpson try to try

(That’s a start, I suppose.)

bart simpson can't prove anythi

(Little wonder this kid spends his days in detention.)

bart simpson crazy people

(Poor Bartman. That’s actually kind of sad. )

bart simpson good or bad

(Right. You just keep telling yourself that.)

bart simpson damned if you do

(Truer words have never been spoken. Especially not by a 10 year-old with a penchant for bad behavior.)

bart simpson liar

(Blatant honesty is always so refreshing.)

bart simpson true meaning of ch

(Once again, Bart is slightly misguided as the result of poor parenting. On a side note: leave it to Ho-Ho-Homer to spread cheer through strangulation.)

bart simpson sucks and blows

(No point in sugar-coating the truth, is there?)

bart simpson never give up

(Well, he started off on the right track with this one…)

bart simpson stare at the sun

(Sounds like the kind of advice you’d expect from Homer. Proof that the apple doesn’t fall far.)

Bart may not be an overachiever like his sister Lisa, but he sure has perfected the art of trouble-making.

And he’s a master prankster.

Well, what do you really expect from a character whose name is the anagram for the word “brat”?

Ay caramba!

~Happy Friday! Hope you all have a great weekend!~

(The Badness of Bart originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 7/15/16)

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Bigly Bestest Letter to Santa

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Dear Santa, I’ve been a very good doggie this year. Can I please have extra treats this Christmas? And maybe another one of those squeaky Kong balls? Also, if you wouldn’t mind giving me a quick belly rub on your way back up the chimney, I’d be so happy. Thanks, Santa!

With a face like this, of course I'm on Santa's Nice List!

With a face like this, of course I’m on Santa’s Nice List!

~Happy Tuesday, friends! What’s on your Christmas Wish List this year?~

The Logic of Lisa

She isn’t cool like Bart, adorable like Maggie, or tolerant like Marge.

Or half-baked like Homer.

She may not be the most charismatic.

Or even overly likable, for that matter.

But you’ve got to admit, she has more brain cells than Bart, Maggie, Marge, and Homer.

Collectively.

Lisa Simpson.

The vegetarian, overachieving, saxophone-playing middle child.

And boy, does she have sarcasm down to an art.

She’s a total smart-ass.

Deadpanning is as much her strength as her intelligence.

Presenting ten of Lisa’s finest moments of sassy and witty wisdom:

lisa simpson not a frown

(I do believe this is the politically correct term for Not Happy.)

(lisa simpson romance dead

(Hence the term Hallmark Holiday. No moolah equals no love, don’t ya know?)

lisa simpson popular girl

(I know, I know. Life is sooo unfair.)

lisa simpson words of encourage

( Homer and Marge have been trying for years to be slightly-better-than-totally-horrible parents. Evidently, their efforts are paying off.)

lisa simpson goody two shoes

(Proof that even those Goody Two Shoes have skeletons in their closets.)

lisa simpson envy and help

(If this isn’t the World’s Most Perfect Family, I’m at a total loss.)

lisa simpson psychiatrist

(Surely just a minor drawback of being part of a dysfunctional family.)

lisa simpson pain and drudgery

(Depressing, yes. But also poignantly true.)

lisa simpson book n beers

(She’s obviously referencing Homer, not me. Hey, I don’t even like beer!)

lisa simpson silent fool

(My personal favorite. Attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain, I’m inclined to give Lisa full credit on this one.)

Lisa may not be as well-loved as some of the other Simpsons, but she does have redeeming qualities.

She’s passionate, she cares about the environment, and she actually has morals.

She rebels against societal norms, for goodness sake.

What’s not to love about that?

Yeah, I can definitely relate to Lisa Simpson.

After all, I am a fellow smart-ass and vegetarian, myself.

And…

I, too, have a few more brain cells than the average cartoon character.

~Happy Friday, everyone! Can you believe it’s almost December already? Holy Moly, where did the year go?~

(The Logic of Lisa originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 5/19/16)

Bigly Bestest Yoga Doggie

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Looking to get in shape this holiday season? Well, you’re in luck! From the creator of popular poses like Upward Dog and Downward Dog, this Yoga Doggie will help you achieve your goals in no time! Treats and belly rubs acceptable forms of payment.

Will work for treats!

Will work for treats!

~Happy Tuesday, friends! If you’re in the market for a workout buddy, Jett is ready for action! Haha!~

The Modesty of Marge

She’s not particularly exciting.

What does she do all day, anyway?

I mean,  besides vacuum and drive her kids around?

Oh. My. God.

I think I  just described myself.

The horror!

Okay, okay.

Enough of that pity party.

Presenting ten of Marge Simpson’s most profound, yet undoubtedly humorous quotes:

marge simpson aim low

(Brilliant! Set that bar low enough, and you’ll never be disappointed again!)

marge simpson too tense2

(She definitely can’t be accused of sugar-coating the truth with that attitude.)

marge simpson listen to your heart

(So that’s how it works? I would’ve sworn it was the other way around.)

marge simpson never raise a hand

(A rather classy way to get the message across, sans violence.)

marge simpson springfield

(Proof that it’s easy to become too complacent, even in mediocrity.)

marge simpson brain food

(Intelligence aside, their very presence in your can of tuna means more bang for your buck!)

marge simpson so funny

(Consider yourself lucky. Some people don’t even have a sense of humor.)

marge simpson fetish

(Hey, give her a break! She’s been wearing the same set of clothes since 1989.)

marge simpson doing something right

(The ultimate gauge for accessing a job well done.)

marge simpson vacation

(Who needs Hawaii when you can have your very own jail cell?)

Apparently, I’ve got more in common with Marge Simpson than I realized.

Well, except I don’ t have a blue beehive.

Or three messed-up kids.

Or a husband with only two brain cells.

Poor Marge.

She’s patient, compassionate, and forgiving.

But the moralistic matriarch really didn’t hit the jackpot with that family, did she?

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope you’ve had a terrific week!~

(The Modesty of Marge originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 6/9/16)

Bigly Bestest Thankful Doggie

@thebiglybestestdoggie: I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful for good friends.  And I’m especially thankful for yummy Thanksgiving food that falls off the table and on to the floor!

Patiently waiting by the kitchen table.. You know, just in case....

Patiently waiting by the kitchen table. You know, just in case….

~Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Wishing you a wonderful day filled with joy.~

The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2

I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny!

Just when you probably though there was no more wisdom for Homer to impart, I discovered even more gems of pure genius.

Woo hoo!

Turns out Homer’s three decades (!) of half-assed parenting/employment/mere existence has generated a plethora of material to work with.

So…

A well-justified encore is definitely in order for the not-quite-wiser-than-Yoda patriarch of one of the world’s most dysfunctional cartoon families in history.

Presenting ten more of Homer’s astoundingly witty moments:

homer simpson happy

(It’s safe to assume things start to go downhill for Homer the instant he opens his mouth.)

homer stole a bike forgiveness

(Something about this one just seems very wrong. And yet, he is on the right track, asking for forgiveness… So surely that counts for something?)

homer simpson english

(Which begs the question- what language does this guy speak? Drunkenese, perhaps?)

homer simpson ill teach you

(Laughing at Homer’s expense is obviously a very, very bad idea.)

homer simpson dinosaur

(Good point. That actually levels the playing field, if you think about it.)

homer simpson elected officials

(Ha! I’m more than happy to think for myself, thank you very much.)

homer simpson dinner time

(He could easily moonlight as the official Duff Beer mascot.)

homer simpson shut up brain

(Does he even have a brain? Or would he simply be jabbing around in a vast area of emptiness?)

homer simpson making a scene

(A clear indication that his behavior tends to push the limits of acceptable human conduct.)

homer simpson to kill a mocking

(And the moral of the story? Oh, right. Homer wouldn’t recognize a moral if it came crashing down on his head.)

~Have a great weekend, everybody! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out part one of The Wisdom of Homer! ~

(The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2 originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 8/12/16)

Bigly Bestest Lazy Doggie

@thebiglybestestdoggie:  It’s rainy. It’s cold. I’m not feeling very motivated. So if you need me, I’ll be in this nice cozy bed by the fireplace until Spring…

Do I look like I'm moving anytime soon?

Do I look like I’m moving anytime soon?

~Happy Tuesday, friends! Brrr, it’s cold out! Hope you’re all staying warm!~

The Wisdom of Homer

Finally!

A man of true character!

Alright.

Fine.

His character is questionable, at best.

But he’s definitely got character.

For whatever that’s worth.

No, I’m not referring to the blind Greek poet Homer, who’s credited for creating brilliant works such as The  Odyssey and The Illiad.

Geez!

Lower your standards a couple thousand notches, people!

That’s right.

I’m talking about the great Homer Simpson, of course!

Presenting ten of Homer’s finest, most inspiring motivational quotes to help start your weekend off right:

homer trying

(Well, yeah. I guess that is a valid point.)

homer stupid risks

(Indeed, Homer. Indeed.)

homer don't care

(Again, he’s got a good point.)

homer children future

(Umm… Moving on…)

homer smart

(Close enough.)

homer brain my damage

(No worries. Pretty sure the damage was already done.)

homer never try

(Okay, so I wouldn’t go quite that far..)

homer blame

(Fair enough.)

homer alcohol

(Hey, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.)

homer education

(It’s safe to assume Homer no longer makes any further attempts at this unnecessary learning nonsense.)

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope your weekend is amazing!~

(The Wisdom of Homer originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 4/15/16)

Bigly Bestest Runaway

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Youngest owner promised to walk me, so I waited in the backyard. But I didn’t want to wait. Then the wind blew the gate open. It was like magic! Adventure called my name! Freedom at last! Oh, but then the kid came along and “rescued” me.

What do you mean I'm not supposed to go for unsupervised walks?!?

What do you mean I’m not supposed to go for unsupervised walks?!?

~Happy Tuesday, friends! I can only imagine what goes on in the minds of doggies. Especially after watching The Secret Life of Pets… Yikes!~