Bigly Bestest Thankful Doggie

@thebiglybestestdoggie: I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful for good friends.  And I’m especially thankful for yummy Thanksgiving food that falls off the table and on to the floor!

Patiently waiting by the kitchen table.. You know, just in case....

Patiently waiting by the kitchen table. You know, just in case….

~Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Wishing you a wonderful day filled with joy.~

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The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2

I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny!

Just when you probably though there was no more wisdom for Homer to impart, I discovered even more gems of pure genius.

Woo hoo!

Turns out Homer’s three decades (!) of half-assed parenting/employment/mere existence has generated a plethora of material to work with.

So…

A well-justified encore is definitely in order for the not-quite-wiser-than-Yoda patriarch of one of the world’s most dysfunctional cartoon families in history.

Presenting ten more of Homer’s astoundingly witty moments:

homer simpson happy

(It’s safe to assume things start to go downhill for Homer the instant he opens his mouth.)

homer stole a bike forgiveness

(Something about this one just seems very wrong. And yet, he is on the right track, asking for forgiveness… So surely that counts for something?)

homer simpson english

(Which begs the question- what language does this guy speak? Drunkenese, perhaps?)

homer simpson ill teach you

(Laughing at Homer’s expense is obviously a very, very bad idea.)

homer simpson dinosaur

(Good point. That actually levels the playing field, if you think about it.)

homer simpson elected officials

(Ha! I’m more than happy to think for myself, thank you very much.)

homer simpson dinner time

(He could easily moonlight as the official Duff Beer mascot.)

homer simpson shut up brain

(Does he even have a brain? Or would he simply be jabbing around in a vast area of emptiness?)

homer simpson making a scene

(A clear indication that his behavior tends to push the limits of acceptable human conduct.)

homer simpson to kill a mocking

(And the moral of the story? Oh, right. Homer wouldn’t recognize a moral if it came crashing down on his head.)

~Have a great weekend, everybody! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out part one of The Wisdom of Homer! ~

(The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2 originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 8/12/16)

Bigly Bestest Lazy Doggie

@thebiglybestestdoggie:  It’s rainy. It’s cold. I’m not feeling very motivated. So if you need me, I’ll be in this nice cozy bed by the fireplace until Spring…

Do I look like I'm moving anytime soon?

Do I look like I’m moving anytime soon?

~Happy Tuesday, friends! Brrr, it’s cold out! Hope you’re all staying warm!~

The Wisdom of Homer

Finally!

A man of true character!

Alright.

Fine.

His character is questionable, at best.

But he’s definitely got character.

For whatever that’s worth.

No, I’m not referring to the blind Greek poet Homer, who’s credited for creating brilliant works such as The  Odyssey and The Illiad.

Geez!

Lower your standards a couple thousand notches, people!

That’s right.

I’m talking about the great Homer Simpson, of course!

Presenting ten of Homer’s finest, most inspiring motivational quotes to help start your weekend off right:

homer trying

(Well, yeah. I guess that is a valid point.)

homer stupid risks

(Indeed, Homer. Indeed.)

homer don't care

(Again, he’s got a good point.)

homer children future

(Umm… Moving on…)

homer smart

(Close enough.)

homer brain my damage

(No worries. Pretty sure the damage was already done.)

homer never try

(Okay, so I wouldn’t go quite that far..)

homer blame

(Fair enough.)

homer alcohol

(Hey, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.)

homer education

(It’s safe to assume Homer no longer makes any further attempts at this unnecessary learning nonsense.)

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope your weekend is amazing!~

(The Wisdom of Homer originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 4/15/16)

Bigly Bestest Runaway

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Youngest owner promised to walk me, so I waited in the backyard. But I didn’t want to wait. Then the wind blew the gate open. It was like magic! Adventure called my name! Freedom at last! Oh, but then the kid came along and “rescued” me.

What do you mean I'm not supposed to go for unsupervised walks?!?

What do you mean I’m not supposed to go for unsupervised walks?!?

~Happy Tuesday, friends! I can only imagine what goes on in the minds of doggies. Especially after watching The Secret Life of Pets… Yikes!~

Bigly Bestest Halloween Fright

@thebiglybestestdoggie: I tried giving out candy on Halloween, but I might’ve accidentally scared a few kids. I smiled my biggest smile… Then they left me a trail of candy all the way down the driveway as they ran off screaming. Was it something I said? 

Laser eyes! It's all about camera angle. (Wink, wink!)

Laser eyes! It’s all about camera angle. (Wink, wink!)

~Wait, what? It’s not Tuesday, you might be thinking. Yeah, well. It’s Jett’s anniversary week, so he gets a bonus blog day. Besides, he needed a good Halloween story to go with this hilarious image! Have a great weekend!~

Bigly Bestest Anniversary

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Can you believe it? One year ago, I took over (oops, sorry Momma!) I mean, joined, Comically Quirky with my Tails ‘n’ Tweets series! Thank you all for being so awesome and supportive! Here’s to many, many more fun adventures together!

Yay! I'm so happy you're here!

Yay! I’m so happy you’re here!

~Happy Tuesday, friends! Whew! Time sure flies when you’re having so much fun!~

Howling Halloween Hysterics

Trick or treat!

It’s almost Halloween!

Sure, candy is fun and all.

But humor is far more satisfying.

And less likely to make you puke.

So here we go:

(Gives new meaning to selling one’s soul for something, doesn’t it? Looks like candy might have some virtues after all.)

(The unfortunate unraveling of a mummy. Shouldn’t he know bathrooms are a dangerous place for fellows like him?)

(GPS is simply incapable of safely guiding people to their destinations. Even a flying witch isn’t exempt from crappy directions.)

(This one gets my vote for best themed costume idea in the least ideal setting.)

(A mind is not to be wasted, whether in your head or on your plate.)

(Consider it unintentionally decorating, if you must. It’s a fine way to embrace the mess!)

(Because you can never have too much of a good thing. Even if it means eating yourself sick.)

(Kids these days are so freaking hard to please. Perhaps a nice homemade blood-of-bat stew would suffice?)

(This is almost sad. Hey, I said almost. Geez!)

(It’s no secret kids can be every bit as destructive as termites.)

(Eye rolling. It’s not just for teenagers anymore.)

(While still taboo, pumpkin cannibalism is becoming an increasingly prevalent issue.)

(Aww! I mean… Augh! I am so very, very scared!)

~Happy Friday, friends! Have a great weekend, and a fun Halloween!~

Bigly Bestest Untraining

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Youngest owner decided to “train” me. Thought I was already well-trained, but his way is much more fun! I get to jump on beds, play with toys that aren’t even mine, and beg at the table! Poor Momma doesn’t look so happy, though…

Check out this cool slipper I dragged downstairs this morning! Yay me!

Check out this cool slipper I dragged downstairs this morning! Yay me!

~Happy Tuesday, friends! Kids can be so helpful sometimes… Just not necessarily in ways we might have in mind! ~

Crazy Candy Compulsion

Game Over?

What do you mean, game over?!?

Oh, it’s not like I’m lacking for things to do.

Quite the opposite, actually.

But you’d never know it with the way I’ve been procrastinating.

I’ve got laundry to sort through.

A dishwasher to empty.

Meals to prepare.

Floors to vacuum.

And an assortment of other tasks I’m legitimately forgetting…

Or choose to forget about.

It’s been raining every single day this week.

No sun + tons of rain = no motivation.

I’m behind on everything.

So why not take a break and play a round of Candy Crush?

Or maybe a few hundred rounds, while I’m at it.

Yikes.

I hadn’t played Candy Crush in years.

Yet, this week, I completed over 290 levels in just 3 days.

I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed for allowing myself to get sucked into such a major time drain.

I might be in need of inspiration.

Or a nap.

But look at all those pretty colors!

It’s candy, for goodness sake!

Candy!

Besides, the game’s claim of “swiping stress away” is too appealing to pass up.

Ooh, look!

I just earned infinite lives!

For two hours only!

Must. Keep. Playing.

It’s rather unfortunate that domestic pursuits don’t motivate me more.

But no.

The curse of being an Undomestic Goddess.

And every level successfully completed rewards me with a declaration of Fantastical!

Which should, theoretically, make me feel good about myself.

Except for the fact that I can’t help but question the actual existence of any such word.

Fantastic, yes.

Fantastico, sure.

But fantastical?

Hmmm.

When all five of my lives are used up, it’s time to do…

Well, whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing that I clearly would rather not be doing.

Sure, I could buy more lives.

But I won’t.

The offer to buy a little extra “help” is just not that appealing.

I’m not necessarily arguing the fact that I need help.

But my guess is that isn’t the kind of help I probably need.

I rarely download games to my phone.

But I do still have a few on my Kindle.

I’ve been reading the same page of the same book over and over for the last two weeks on that very Kindle.

And Candy Crush was just kind of there

So I’m too distracted for distractions like reading.

But I can play for hours on something that’s meant to be played in short bursts.

Go figure.

Suffice it to say, my priorities are sorely lacking lately.

But I did manage to put up Halloween decorations.

And I also walked the dog during a lull from the rain.

So I managed to do something productive.

Oh, and I also scraped a sticky, melted wad of cherry Starburst out of the dryer.

Eww.

I may not excel at domestic things.

But at least my problem solving skills are still intact.

Maybe Candy Crush is good for something, after all…

~Happy weekend, friends! So… What’s your guilty time-wasting pleasure? Haha!~

Swipe the stress away, huh? It's not like I was doing anything productive, anyway...

Swipe the stress away, huh? It’s not like I was doing anything productive, anyway…