Memory Mayhem

Memories.

They’re a double-edged sword, aren’t they?

They’re the source of our happiness and achievements… and our problems and misery.

Anyway…

Kind thanks to fellow blogger Marc Alexander Valle for nominating me for the 3 Days Quote Challenge, with the topic of Memories of Yesterday.

Because I clearly have issues playing by the rules, I opted to cram all three days’ worth of quotes into one day.

And in the spirit of this being a humor blog, I’ve embraced the challenge Comically Quirky style.

(Translation- from a slightly off-kilter, warped, and twisted perspective.)

Here we go!

dr seuss memory

(Attempting to balance a fishbowl on your head with a live fish sloshing about is probably far better suited as a distant memory, anyway. So no loss there.)

homer short term memory

(No surprise there. A donut a day will help keep Homer’s under-active brain at bay.)

minion memories

(How right you are, little minion. Keep the insanity coming!)


The rules for this challenge are simple. For the three days you just need to post a quote or if you wish you can post all three quotes on the same day.

You then nominate three other bloggers each day to participate in this challenge and inform them about it.

Don’t forget to thank the blogger who nominated you!


My three nominees:

Home for Jerks

Bacon & Oleander

The Girl from Jupiter


Nominees, you are under no obligation to accept this challenge…but there will be cake once the challenge is completed!!!

Oh crap! That adorable yellow minion just ate all the cake.

Happy Thursday, and Happy Blogging! 😉

Advertisements

Just Another Number

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

How the hell old do you think I am?!?

Maybe it’s the upcoming arrival of my birthday that’s setting me off, but my brain and ego can’t even begin to wrap themselves around this enigma.

What kind of person goes to the liquor store for Bailey’s and fails to get carded by an 80 year old cashier, then later that same day goes to Target…

and gets carded by a teenage punk for buying canned air?

Why, yours truly, of course!

Evidently, I look old enough to buy alcohol without proper adult supervision…

But not quite old enough to know that getting high off a can of compressed air is just wrong.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

I can’t be sure.

While I’m not exactly certain where I stand at the moment, perhaps the picture below will help put things in perspective.

~Have a great weekend, and Happy Earth Day! ~

Keeping myself entertained while the kids are at school...

Keeping myself entertained while the kids are at school…

The Wisdom of Homer

Finally!

A man of true character!

Alright, fine.

His character is questionable, at best.

But he’s definitely got character, for whatever that’s worth.

No, I’m not referring to the blind Greek poet Homer, who’s credited for creating brilliant works such as The  Odyssey and The Illiad.

Geez!

Lower your standards a couple thousand notches, people!

That’s right.

I’m talking about the great Homer Simpson, of course!

Presenting ten of Homer’s finest, most inspiring and motivational quotes to help start your weekend off right:

homer trying

(Well, yeah. I guess that is a valid point.)

homer stupid risks

(Indeed, Homer. Indeed.)

homer don't care

(Again, he’s got a good point.)

homer children future

(Umm… Moving on…)

homer smart

(Close enough.)

homer brain my damage

(No worries. Pretty sure the damage was already done.)

homer never try

(Okay, so I wouldn’t go quite that far..)

homer blame

(Fair enough.)

homer alcohol

(Hey, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.)

homer education

(It’s safe to assume Homer no longer makes any such attempt.)

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope your weekend is amazing!~

Weak in the Bee’s Knees

No sense in beating around the bush. I have a confession to make, so here it goes:

Hi, my name is Quirky Girl, and I like Burt’s Bees lip balm a tad bit too much.

I like it so much that I sometimes find myself subconsciously ingesting it so that I can apply yet another layer 45 seconds later.

Oh, it’s not all flavors.

Mostly wild cherry.

And pomegranate.

Oh, and açaí berry, too.

Who am I kidding?

They’re like the moisturizing lip balm version of Jelly Belly.

But in my defense, it’s 100% natural, nontoxic goodness.

Unlike Jelly Belly.

So theoretically, if I were to eat a whole tube of Burt’s Bees, I would (probably) be okay.

Not that I would.

Mmm. Wild cherry. So good.

Hey, wait…

What do you mean I’m not supposed to eat it? Why do they make all these amazing flavors, then?

Anyway…

I was at Target the other day, overfilling a super-sized shopping cart with thirteen tons of household necessities, when an unusual display caught my eye.

“The _ees are disappearing and need your help!”

Say what?

“With this purchase, you will help support _ee habitat. For each BringBacktheBees lip _alm sold or tweet with #BringBacktheBees, 1,000 _ee-friendly wildflower seeds will _e planted!”

For goodness sake, the b’s were missing!

How could I not take action?

How could I live with myself?

And what of this nonsense to omit the letter b from tweets!?!

Sadists!

I’d rather spend a couple of bucks on a practical tube of lip balm than visually assault my eyes with such improper spelling.

So I bought one.

Even though I have at least 27 other tubes of lip balm.

Somewhere.

Even though I have mixed feelings about bees.

Oh, come on. They freaking sting people, for God’s sake.

But damn it, Burt’s Bees campaign to… well… bring back the bees…just seemed like the environmentally responsible thing to do.

I like nature.

I like natural products.

I like honey well enough, too. It’s got some terrific health benefits

And bees themselves must have some redeeming qualities, surely?

After all, 1 out of every 3 bites of foods we consume are products of pollination by bees, from fruit to coffee beans.

But between climate changes, pesticides, loss of habitat, and disease, the honeybee population has been quickly declining.

I’m guessing people with potentially fatal allergies to bee stings aren’t too heartbroken, though.

After all, the little suckers are seemingly fueled by our flesh.

Well, that, and a desire to kill us all.

Scare a bee, get too close, step on it… you will get stung. And they will inject you with a lovely venomous substance called apitoxin.

And when honeybees sting, they also release pheromones that can rouse other nearby bees into joining in on the fun.

So one stinging bee can easily turn into hundreds of stinging bees in just a matter of seconds.

Such a fine example of mob mentality.

And not only do they leave behind their stingers when they sting, the bees also leave part of their abdomens, digestive tracts, muscles and nerves.

Don’t these foolish insects ever learn? This irreparable bodily damage is actually what ends up doing them in.

Think about all these unnecessary deaths. It’s like a self-induced bee apocalypse.

Ooh!

I just had a revelation!

Sure, we could all raise a ton of money to plant billions of wildflowers to help these bees.

But wouldn’t more bees’ lives be saved if they’d simply quit stinging people and dropping like flies?

Whoa, sorry. Terrible analogy.

Look, I truly don’t mind supporting a worthwhile cause.

But what if I do my part to help bring back the bees… and then they all turn around, band together, and sting me in the butt as I’m reapplying my sweet-smelling, bee-friendly Burt’s Bees lip balm?

Remind me again why exactly we’re trying to save these evil little suckers?

Don't let the pretty flower fool you. This little sucker is coming for you next.

Don’t let the pretty flower fool you. This little sucker is coming for you next.