Much Ado About Lemons

Pop quiz!!!

Oh, relax.

There’s only one question, and no wrong answers.

It’ll be fun!

Here we go…

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO:

a) Pull on your sweatpants, grab a few pints of Chunky Monkey, and indulge in a three day marathon of tear-jerkers, including John Q and The Pursuit of Happyness, then bawl for days over the myriad of injustices in life.

b) Find your inner peace after thoroughly exhausting yourself by going postal on random objects- the neighbor’s hideous Halloween scarecrow they have yet to take down, the coffee maker that just kicked the bucket, the freakishly large rat scurrying by…

c) Throw those lemons at someone deserving. A few helpful options:  that toxic frenemy you can’t seem to cut loose, a particularly infuriating coworker, or the out-of-control maniac in a semi who just cut you off on the freeway.

d) Use your pent-up aggression to squeeze every last drop of lemon juice out with your bare hands like a Viking masseuse and make a badass (and probably dangerously potent) lemon martini.

e) Other (please elaborate)

While these are all very logical (and highly acceptable) approaches, I’d personally go with option c.

After all, research clearly shows that actively doing something to alleviate troubles can be highly beneficial.

And how much more proactive can one get than hurling objects across the room?

So…which did you choose?

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope you all have a lemon-free weekend… Unless, of course, you were planning on making a lemon martini!~

No Viking masseuses were available, so I made this one myself.

No Viking masseuses were available, so I had to make this one myself.

(Much Ado About Lemons originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 10/08/2015)

Sardonically Stressed

Stress.

It’s an unfortunate and undesirable side-effect of simply being alive.

Some days, it’s lemons, lemons, and more lemons.

For everyone overwhelmed with stress lately, take heart.

Here’s proof that there’s always humor, even in times of stress:

stress18

(In all fairness, it should be noted that murder is rarely doctor-prescribed.)

stress24

(Are you kidding me? Way to burst my bubble!)

stress34

(I’d be hesitant to attempt this. I mean, what if I cram one down someone’s throat, then Karma steps in and makes them spit it up…straight into my eyeball?)

stress15

(Did you know it takes 45 minutes of meditation to equal the effects of a single satisfying glass of wine? Okay, fine. I just made that up.)

stress6

(A sure sign of mastering ki breathing! Or having taken up drinking…)

stress22

(Is being eaten alive really preferable to a little stress? My guess is probably not.)

stress1

(Finally! A refreshingly drug-free solution that’s both highly effective and easy to use. What’s not to love?)

stress9

(As Henry Kissinger once said, “There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”)

stress8

(Sure, it helps reduce stress…unless you’re prone to perfectionistic, OCD-type tendencies. In which case, coloring can actually increase your stress levels.)

stress31

(Overall, pretty good advice from a dog. But maybe just stick with the walk away part and forget about peeing all over the place. It’s just not classy.)

stress33

(Food for thought, right? Speaking of which…)

stress26

(This might be stating the obvious, but here goes: You should never be your own food source. Never. No matter how stressed you may be, this is a horrible solution.)

stress29

(I’m stressed just thinking about how true this statement is.)

stress38

(This one has become my personal life motto. It makes me happy.)

Throwing things can be great stress relief.

No, really. It’s true!

And if you need some creative ideas for what to do with all those lemons life has been tossing your way, I’ve got some excellent suggestions.

Go on, give it a try!

Feel better now?

Excellent.

Stress?

What stress?

Ain’t nobody got time for that nonsense.

~Happy Friday, friends! Hope your weekend is relaxing, enjoyable, and stress-free. And if it’s not, I hope you always find a way to make lemonade. Or a lemon martini…~

It’s Raining Projectiles!

Recent studies show that a whopping 99.9%* of the entire human population enjoy throwing things.

And really, it’s not all that surprising. Hurling projectiles has been scientifically proven** to provide instant stress relief.

I’m not talking about mundane objects that were actually intended to be thrown, like baseballs and footballs.

Let’s just say human beings are highly resourceful and creative creatures.

When it comes to throwing things, everyone has a preference as to what exactly it is they get a kick out of throwing.

Here’s your chance to really show your creative side!

 

I’m sure a few of you out there (the other 0.1% of the population)  have other outlets for stress and tension that don’t involve flying projectiles.

I’m both curious and envious, so once again, let your creativity shine!

 

Yesterday, I accidentally dropped a can of olives. It soared menacingly across the kitchen until it crash-landed onto the floor and olives started rolling everywhere like slimy little marbles.

Clever girl that I am, I pretended it was an act of aggression rather than the result of utter clumsiness.

It was surprisingly satisfying.

Now it’s your turn.

Go ahead. Throw something.  Let it all out.

Feeling that inner peace now?

Yeah, I thought so.

Apples are incredibly versatile and helpful in maintaining good (mental) health.

Apples are incredibly versatile and helpful in maintaining good (mental) health.

Disclosures:

*This number is the result of a very complex, top-secret mathematical formula concocted by none other than Quirky Girl herself. 

**This statement may or may not be true. 

Much Ado about Lemons

Pop Quiz!

Relax! There’s only one question and no wrong answers. It’ll be fun!

Here we go!

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO:

a) Pull on your sweatpants, grab a few pints of Chunky Monkey, and indulge in a three day marathon of tear-jerkers, including 
John Q and The Pursuit of Happyness, then bawl for days over the myriad of injustices in life.

b) Find your inner peace after thoroughly exhausting yourself by going postal on random objects-  the neighbor’s hideous Halloween scarecrow, the coffee maker that just kicked the bucket, the freakishly large rat scurrying by…

c) Throw those lemons at someone deserving. A few helpful options:  that toxic frenemy you can’t seem to cut loose, a particularly infuriating coworker, or the out-of-control maniac in a semi who just cut you off on the freeway.

d) Use your pent-up aggression to squeeze every last drop of lemon juice out with your bare hands like a Viking masseuse and make a badass (and probably dangerously potent) lemon martini.

e) Other (please elaborate)

While these are all very logical (and highly acceptable) approaches, I’d personally go with option c.

Afterall, research clearly shows that actively doing something to alleviate troubles can be highly beneficial. And how much more proactive can one get than hurling objects across the room?

So…which did you choose?

No Viking masseuses were available, so I made this one myself.

No Viking masseuses were available, so I made this one myself.