Bigly Bestest Christmas Dilemma

@thebiglybestestdoggie: It’s almost Christmas! Santa Reindeer Doggie told me I’m probably on the Nice List. Unless I’ve been a bad doggie. Does giving sweet hugs and tearing my toys to shreds make me a good doggie or a bad doggie? So confused…

~The Bigly Bestest Doggie would like to wish all his wonderful friends here on Comically Quirky a very Merry Christmas!~

Santa Dearest

Ho ho ho!

It’s time to start thinking about which list you’ve managed to land yourself on this year!

What’s that?

You’ve been a perfect angel?

Ha!

Who are you kidding?

Surely, you do know Santa sees you when you’re sleeping.

And he knows when you’re awake.

Oh, and he also watches your every move…

365 days a year.

Okay, so he’s basically a generous gift-giving stalker, when you think about it.

Anyway, let’s see what kind of sorry excuses we can come up with for our less than saintly behavior this year, shall we?

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(Everything in life is relative, and therefore subject to opinion. So, who knows? Santa may well have flexible guidelines. Or low standards.)

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(Again, another matter of relativity. But seriously, what criteria must one meet to even qualify for Santa’s nice list?)

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(Just as well. If you’re holding out hope for a fantastic gift, you’d be better off buying it yourself in the first place, anyway.)

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(I can confidently say I’ve been both naughty-ish and nice-ish this year. With that said, does this mean I’ve been good enough to deserve a present or two, or should I be expecting a stocking full of coal?)

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(Nah, it’s never too late! Unless it’s already Christmas morning, in which case, yeah, you’re probably out of luck…)

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( If you’re getting coal this Christmas, why not at least have the satisfaction of knowing you’ve truly earned it for a job well done?)

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(Naughtily nice. Now there’s an oxymoronic concept. Well, I suppose if you’re going to do something, might as well put a little extra effort in and do it well.)

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(Oh, little minion. With all the antics and mayhem you’ve caused, you probably haven’t even been good enough to receive coal this year!)

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(Excellent point. No need to over-explain things to the point where you land yourself right back on that naughty list.)

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(Now we’re talking! This is totally true! Okay, probably true. Maybe true? Augh!)

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(Look, if he wants to drop by in the wee hours of the night, the least he could do is clean up after himself. Is that really so unreasonable?)

(Take that, Santa! Serves you right for even thinking about putting me on the naughty list!)

Poor Santa.

He tries so hard to bring joy to people all over the world, and we all struggle to conduct ourselves like decent human beings for more than 24 hours at a time.

On second thought…

Look at it this way:

Being naughty saves Santa a trip.

So you’d actually be doing him a huge favor by adding more mischief into your daily routine.

Especially since you’re ultimately gonna end up buying your own presents anyway.

~Happy Friday! Hope you all have a holly jolly weekend!~

The 12 Days of Crazed Christmas Coercions

1) You really think you’ve been good enough to even receive coal!?! Ha!

2) Define “good.”

3) I told Santa you thought you’ve been good this year. He cracked a rib laughing.

4) One word for you: Krampus.

5) Santa is watching. Well yeah, I guess technically that means Krampus is watching, too…

6) Fine. Be naughty. Santa would be more than happy to save himself a trip!

7) The moment you stop believing is the moment you start receiving socks and underwear. Just remember that!

8) No, I’m not sure why Santa likes cookies so much. Yes, he is a “big dude.”

9) No, we will not create a special chimney for Santa. He can go through the front door like every other respectable human being.

10) Sorry, no. Putting you in time out will not cement my place alongside you on the naughty list.

11) One more word and we’ll pack up your toys and donate them all to kids in need. Seriously, knock it off! Or we’ll donate you, too.

12) Yeah, I know you’re having visions of sugar plums. Visions of throwing them at my head, perhaps? (C’mon. We all know nobody actually eats those things)

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Even Santa needs a break sometimes. Do him a favor, would ya?

Even Santa needs a break sometimes. Do him a favor, would ya?