Bigly Bestest Santa Helper

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Just getting ready for the big day! Did you know I’m one of Santa’s helpers? It’s true! I’m his favoritest elf! I even have a shiny red squeaky ball, in case Santa needs help guiding his sleigh on Christmas Eve. Ooh, I’m so excited!

Santa, I have been a very, very good boy this year!

~Merry Christmas, friends! Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season, filled with joy and love.~


Reindeer Games

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through Santa’s workshop,

The reindeer were busy plotting mischief and mayhem.

It’s true, Santa gets most of the glory.

But what about those hard-working reindeer?

They shoulder the bulk of the burden, carrying the weight of Santa and his gazillion tons of toys all around the world in a single night.

That’s no small feat, and it’s little wonder those creatures love their reindeer games so much.


(The jolly ol’ dude’s weight has always been a delicate topic, but the reindeer aren’t known for their diplomacy.)


(Hauling Santa’s donut-shoveling corpse around is more strenuous than hauling 386 sacks of toys at once.)


(A GPS can only get you so far, especially when the reindeer have been tampering with it. While this mishap may not be the best example of a good time for all, it probably breaks up the monotony of  a long night.)


(Who can blame these reindeer for wanting to make the most of this opportunity for mischief? Although frankly, I’m surprised Santa doesn’t get himself stuck every single time he crams himself down one of those things.)


(Reindeer work hard and deserve a break! Which evidently involves partying hard and accidentally impaling Santa’s elves…)


(Modern technology has done wonders in taking a huge load off Santa’s back.)


(I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the… oops, the sky is the other direction! Well, so much for that…)


(While the burden of hauling a five billion-ton sleigh falls on the reindeer, Santa gets his workout by sucking it all in and repeatedly diving in and out of strangers’ chimneys in the middle of the night.)


(Your reindeer are begging you to put that donut down! In the spirit of the holidays, don’t be such a glutton!)


(In such a role reversal, do the reindeer now hop out of the sleigh to slide down chimneys and deliver the toys? Or does Santa still have to do that, in addition to his newly assigned duty of pulling the sleigh?)


(This is one of the sounds of the season, surely?)


(Hey, if the shoe fits… Ho, ho, hole! Merry Christmas!)

~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a fantastic weekend, and a very Merry Christmas!~

(Reindeer Games originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 12/16/16)

Santa Dearest

Ho ho ho!

It’s time to start thinking about which list you’ve managed to land yourself on this year!

What’s that?

You’ve been a perfect angel?


Who are you kidding?

Surely, you do know Santa sees you when you’re sleeping.

And he knows when you’re awake.

Oh, and he also watches your every move…

365 days a year.

Okay, so he’s basically a generous gift-giving stalker, when you think about it.

Anyway, let’s see what kind of sorry excuses we can come up with for our less than saintly behavior this year, shall we?


(Everything in life is relative, and therefore subject to opinion. So, who knows? Santa may well have flexible guidelines. Or low standards.)


(Again, another matter of relativity. But seriously, what criteria must one meet to even qualify for Santa’s nice list?)


(Just as well. If you’re holding out hope for a fantastic gift, you’d be better off buying it yourself in the first place, anyway.)


(I can confidently say I’ve been both naughty-ish and nice-ish this year. With that said, does this mean I’ve been good enough to deserve a present or two, or should I be expecting a stocking full of coal?)


(Nah, it’s never too late! Unless it’s already Christmas morning, in which case, yeah, you’re probably out of luck…)


( If you’re getting coal this Christmas, why not at least have the satisfaction of knowing you’ve truly earned it for a job well done?)


(Naughtily nice. Now there’s an oxymoronic concept. Well, I suppose if you’re going to do something, might as well put a little extra effort in and do it well.)


(Oh, little minion. With all the antics and mayhem you’ve caused, you probably haven’t even been good enough to receive coal this year!)


(Excellent point. No need to over-explain things to the point where you land yourself right back on that naughty list.)


(Now we’re talking! This is totally true! Okay, probably true. Maybe true? Augh!)


(Look, if he wants to drop by in the wee hours of the night, the least he could do is clean up after himself. Is that really so unreasonable?)

(Take that, Santa! Serves you right for even thinking about putting me on the naughty list!)

Poor Santa.

He tries so hard to bring joy to people all over the world, and we all struggle to conduct ourselves like decent human beings for more than 24 hours at a time.

On second thought…

Look at it this way:

Being naughty saves Santa a trip.

So you’d actually be doing him a huge favor by adding more mischief into your daily routine.

Especially since you’re ultimately gonna end up buying your own presents anyway.

~Happy Friday! Hope you all have a holly jolly weekend!~