It’s Raining Projectiles!

Recent studies show that a whopping 99.9%* of the entire human population enjoy throwing things.

And really, it’s not all that surprising. Hurling projectiles has been scientifically proven** to provide instant stress relief.

I’m not talking about mundane objects that were actually intended to be thrown, like baseballs and footballs.

Let’s just say human beings are highly resourceful and creative creatures.

When it comes to throwing things, everyone has a preference as to what exactly it is they get a kick out of throwing.

Here’s your chance to really show your creative side!

 

I’m sure a few of you out there (the other 0.1% of the population)  have other outlets for stress and tension that don’t involve flying projectiles.

I’m both curious and envious, so once again, let your creativity shine!

 

Yesterday, I accidentally dropped a can of olives. It soared menacingly across the kitchen until it crash-landed onto the floor and olives started rolling everywhere like slimy little marbles.

Clever girl that I am, I pretended it was an act of aggression rather than the result of utter clumsiness.

It was surprisingly satisfying.

Now it’s your turn.

Go ahead. Throw something.  Let it all out.

Feeling that inner peace now?

Yeah, I thought so.

Apples are incredibly versatile and helpful in maintaining good (mental) health.

Apples are incredibly versatile and helpful in maintaining good (mental) health.

Disclosures:

*This number is the result of a very complex, top-secret mathematical formula concocted by none other than Quirky Girl herself. 

**This statement may or may not be true. 

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The King of One-Liners

I like to laugh.

I’m guessing you do, too.

So let’s talk about Henry.

The great Henry Youngman, that is.

The man sure knew a thing or two about comedy.

Without further ado, presenting  five of his epically awesome one-liners:

youngman- drinking and reading

(Smart man. His style was nothing short of admirable.)

youngman- grandma drinks

(Spunky lady! An inspiration to us all.)

youngman- wrong house

(I know it’s wrong. But dammit, it’s hilarious!)

youngman- dressed to kill

(Ok, so cooking isn’t exactly my strong point either.)

youngman- skydiving

(They don’t call it a once in a lifetime experience for nothing, right?)

Which one made you laugh the hardest?

Happy Thursday!

A Little More Motivation

Keeping the motivation coming, while keeping the standards low.

That really ought to be my new slogan.

Anyway, without further ado…

The latest shameless bribery motivational note my boys had the joy of discovering in their lunch boxes.

lunch note2c

What child can resist such blatant bribery?

Feelin’ the Burn

What do carrying a small child, driving a tractor, and riding a snow blower have in common?

They each burn approximately 136 calories in just one hour!

Gotta love the internet.  There’s an infinite world of information at your fingertips, just a few clicks away.

You can Google any bizarre concept imaginable, self-diagnose yourself on WebMD, and find humor in some of the least expected places.

Case in point: the calorie burning activity chart I stumbled upon while searching for something completely unrelated.

Along with the typical routine activities, let’s just say there are some truly unconventional ways to burn a calorie or two.

For a 150 pound person, here’s what an hour of select activities will do for you:

Building a road and sheering a sheep will each knock off roughly 340 whopping calories.

Hoeing (presumably in regards to forestry, not the other, less glamorous type) can cut 272 calories, as does hacking things apart with an ax.

Simultaneously pushing a wheelchair while walking eradicates 204 calories, the same amount of calories as a police officer making an arrest and a farmer chasing cattle on horse.

Sugar bushing must be a fairly intense activity, because it obliterates 272 calories.

Building a fire burns (haha, burns!) 102 calories. Feeding animals will also burn as many calories. (I wonder if feeding squirmy children falls in this category, too.)

Butchering animals can eliminate 340 calories. (First of all, YUCK! Secondly, I can’t even begin to imagine how this one fell under the Household Activities category rather than the Occupational Activities category.)

I am admittedly perplexed by some of these so-called everyday activities.

But what the hell. I’m feeling creative. So let’s take this one step further, for the fun of it.

After all, it seems one person’s idea of what constitutes typical varies greatly.

How many calories do you suppose a person can burn with these exciting pursuits?

EVERYDAY ACTIVITIES

  • Mustering the energy to get out of bed in the morning
  • Extreme channeling surfing
  • Crying after yet another lottery loss
  • Walking ten feet to the mailbox after a few drinks
  • Running to deactivate the smoke alarm after burning dinner
  • Engaging in an episode of road rage with the guy who turns out to be your new boss
  • Shaking the crap out of the Magic 8 Ball after realizing it’s been wrong a lot lately

PARENTING

  • Climbing up tree to rescue the sadistic cat you were hoping finally ran away
  • Tripping over child’s skateboard and crashing headfirst into a wall
  • Breaking up brawls between siblings
  • Hyperventilating/anxiety attack
  • Nerf battles (with you as the target)
  • Yelling/screaming
  • Jumping out window from second floor
  • Chain pill popping resulting from self-medicating

FUN WITH NATURE

  • Cow tipping
  • Giraffe feeding
  • Hippo bathing
  • Getting mauled by a bear
  • Mutton busting
  • Outrunning a cyclone

OTHER TOTALLY BRIGHT IDEAS

  • Jail breaking
  • Bank robbing
  • Vandalizing small buildings
  • Tightrope walking
  • Bench-pressing pair of Great Danes
  • Cracking a rib while popping a Wheelie to show off for an unimpressed child

So, which of these do you think will burn the most calories?

Personally, my money is on outrunning a cyclone. But getting out of bed in the morning is definitely a close second.

On a positive note…

Whether you’re looking to fulfill a New Year’s resolution, or simply in the market for a new hobby, there are clearly a wide variety of activities out there to suit anyone.

Mutton busting,  here I come!

Mutton busting sounds like fun! Okay, maybe this isn't the best example...

Mutton busting sounds like fun! Okay, maybe this isn’t the best example…