Feelin’ the Burn

What do carrying a small child, driving a tractor, and riding a snow blower have in common?

They each burn approximately 136 calories in just one hour!

Gotta love the internet.  There’s an infinite world of information at your fingertips, just a few clicks away.

You can Google any bizarre concept imaginable, self-diagnose yourself on WebMD, and find humor in some of the least expected places.

Case in point: the calorie burning activity chart I stumbled upon while searching for something completely unrelated.

Along with the typical routine activities, let’s just say there are some truly unconventional ways to burn a calorie or two.

For a 150 pound person, here’s what an hour of select activities will do for you:

Building a road and sheering a sheep will each knock off roughly 340 whopping calories.

Hoeing (presumably in regards to forestry, not the other, less glamorous type) can cut 272 calories, as does hacking things apart with an ax.

Simultaneously pushing a wheelchair while walking eradicates 204 calories, the same amount of calories as a police officer making an arrest and a farmer chasing cattle on horse.

Sugar bushing must be a fairly intense activity, because it obliterates 272 calories.

Building a fire burns (haha, burns!) 102 calories. Feeding animals will also burn as many calories. (I wonder if feeding squirmy children falls in this category, too.)

Butchering animals can eliminate 340 calories. (First of all, YUCK! Secondly, I can’t even begin to imagine how this one fell under the Household Activities category rather than the Occupational Activities category.)

I am admittedly perplexed by some of these so-called everyday activities.

But what the hell. I’m feeling creative. So let’s take this one step further, for the fun of it.

After all, it seems one person’s idea of what constitutes typical varies greatly.

How many calories do you suppose a person can burn with these exciting pursuits?

EVERYDAY ACTIVITIES

  • Mustering the energy to get out of bed in the morning
  • Extreme channeling surfing
  • Crying after yet another lottery loss
  • Walking ten feet to the mailbox after a few drinks
  • Running to deactivate the smoke alarm after burning dinner
  • Engaging in an episode of road rage with the guy who turns out to be your new boss
  • Shaking the crap out of the Magic 8 Ball after realizing it’s been wrong a lot lately

PARENTING

  • Climbing up tree to rescue the sadistic cat you were hoping finally ran away
  • Tripping over child’s skateboard and crashing headfirst into a wall
  • Breaking up brawls between siblings
  • Hyperventilating/anxiety attack
  • Nerf battles (with you as the target)
  • Yelling/screaming
  • Jumping out window from second floor
  • Chain pill popping resulting from self-medicating

FUN WITH NATURE

  • Cow tipping
  • Giraffe feeding
  • Hippo bathing
  • Getting mauled by a bear
  • Mutton busting
  • Outrunning a cyclone

OTHER TOTALLY BRIGHT IDEAS

  • Jail breaking
  • Bank robbing
  • Vandalizing small buildings
  • Tightrope walking
  • Bench-pressing pair of Great Danes
  • Cracking a rib while popping a Wheelie to show off for an unimpressed child

So, which of these do you think will burn the most calories?

Personally, my money is on outrunning a cyclone. But getting out of bed in the morning is definitely a close second.

On a positive note…

Whether you’re looking to fulfill a New Year’s resolution, or simply in the market for a new hobby, there are clearly a wide variety of activities out there to suit anyone.

Mutton busting,  here I come!

Mutton busting sounds like fun! Okay, maybe this isn't the best example...

Mutton busting sounds like fun! Okay, maybe this isn’t the best example…

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20 thoughts on “Feelin’ the Burn

  1. Does anyone own a sheep I can shear? Then, someone’s grandma needs to teach me how to knit the wool? And then get dressed in the garment. That all has to burn calories. All daily activities…

    Then, I suppose someone could show me how to butcher pet, but ew (ha ewe, hahahah)

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  2. Well, outrunning a cyclone would certainly be a new twist. And mutton busting sounds like an old wool sweater of mine that no longer fits. Calories are like electricity, I’ve never seen them, but I know they’re there, and after I use them, I have no idea where they go.

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    • Well, one thing for certain about calories- you’ll definitely burn a few mutton busting! Pretty sure that’s true for both the actually sport, as well as the sweater-busting variety. 😛

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  3. I wonder how many calories I burned hitting the Like button? (Wipes sweat from brow) Whew, I feel like I can take the rest of the night off, now!

    Animal butchering must have made that category in place of the other calorie burning activity “burying bodies in your crawl space”…

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    • That’s probably true. Whoever designed that chart probably didn’t want to make it excessively creepy, so he figured readers would use logic and deduce that those two activities are pretty well on par with one another, and would therefore burn around the same amount of calories. 😀

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  4. Sounds like Jeopardy…”I’ll take “extreme channel surfing” for 200 calories Alex!”I think it would be a great, constructive way to burn off some winter weight gain. Mutton busting could, on the other hand, probably use a good PR campaign to get the ball rolling if wide-spread participation is the goal.

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