@thebiglybestestdoggie: Just waiting under the Christmas tree for Santa. It’s been a challenging year, but I’ve tried extra hard to be a very good boy and bring lots of joy to my family and friends. So Santa, please come soon!!!
~ Wishing all of our wonderful friends a very Merry Christmas and hopefully a much more sane and peaceful New Year. Much love to you all ❤ ~
Trick or treat!
It’s almost Halloween!
Sure, candy is fun and all.
But humor is far more satisfying.
And less likely to make you puke.
So here we go:
(Gives new meaning to selling one’s soul for something, doesn’t it? Looks like candy might have some virtues after all.)
(The unfortunate unraveling of a mummy. Shouldn’t he know bathrooms are a dangerous place for fellows like him?)
(GPS is simply incapable of safely guiding people to their destinations. Even a flying witch isn’t exempt from crappy directions.)
(This one gets my vote for best themed costume idea in the least ideal setting.)
(A mind is not to be wasted, whether in your head or on your plate.)
(Consider it unintentionally decorating, if you must. It’s a fine way to embrace the mess!)
(Because you can never have too much of a good thing. Even if it means eating yourself sick.)
(Kids these days are so freaking hard to please. Perhaps a nice homemade blood-of-bat stew would suffice?)
(This is almost sad. Hey, I said almost. Geez!)
(It’s no secret kids can be every bit as destructive as termites.)
(Eye rolling. It’s not just for teenagers anymore.)
(While still taboo, pumpkin cannibalism is becoming an increasingly prevalent issue.)
(Aww! I mean… Augh! I am so very, very scared!)
~Happy Friday, friends! Have a great weekend, and a fun Halloween!~
I’m not gonna lie.
I’m not really feeling the love.
My darling boys almost forgot that Mother’s Day is tomorrow.
Until I reminded them yesterday.
But alas, motherhood is a thankless job.
Fortunately, it’s not without its humorous moments.
So why don’t we take a moment to celebrate the awesomeness of moms?
Because, let’s face it, moms are awesome.
(Yeah. A crazy, multitasking masochist sounds about right.)
(Does going out of my mind count as a vacation?)
(Hellooo!?! Do you think I enjoy talking to myself? I’ll have you know that I do not, in fact, enjoy talking to myself. Are you even listening?!?)
(Because, evidently, nobody else besides mom can see the invisible, overflowing basket of laundry that keeps mysteriously multiplying.)
(Oops, too late. I guess 364 days was too long for my sanity to stick around.)
(Move over, Iron Man! You probably know me as my alter ego, Wonder Woman. Yeah. Take that!)
(Wearing the cape is typically too much of a hassle. And it blows our cover. We’re supposed to be human, after all.)
(Dogs love unconditionally and never back talk. And they’re always so grateful. Unlike some people I know…)
(Oh crap. Who let the cat out of the bag? Was it those darned kids? They’re lying to you! I swear!)
(Mom? Mom who? Okay, so sometimes moms find ourselves in situations where we’re forced to pretend we’ve never seen those angelic creatures before in our lives. It happens.)
(Amen to that! Now where’s my margarita?)
(Quite possibly the most heartfelt way to thank your mom for all that she has ever done for you.)
~Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! Hope you get to enjoy a nice margarita and a day off from laundry and all that other domestic nonsense.~
Happy New Year!
Speaking of the new year…
I don’t have any New Year’s resolutions.
And I’m far too exhausted from all the, uh, fun and excitement of 2017 to make any.
But anyway, here are a dozen hilariously motivating and inspirational pieces of New Year’s resolution advice to help start the year off with a bang:
(Having realistic goals and expectations helps start the new year off right and prevents instant failure two days in to the year.)
(That’s the spirit! Way to embrace your amazing self, imperfections and all.)
(If you make any resolutions at all this year, this ought to be it.)
(This is a great way to take the pressure off. If you succeed in somehow bettering yourself, great. If you don’t, nothing lost. It’s a win-win!)
(Go big or go home, right? So why not aim to fail in the grandest of manners?)
(Ah, so that’s what all the fuss is about? A week-long To Do list? When you look at it that way, it really doesn’t sound so daunting.)
(What a terrific idea! Everything about it has the makings of a successful business concept.)
(For those of you with kids, it is imperative to set goals that are practical, attainable, and won’t drive you to drinking in the event of miserly defeat.)
(Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that all your friends are rooting for your failure. Oh well. Who needs them, anyway? The resolutions, that is. Not the friends. Friends are good. Well, mostly.)
(Some of us struggle with being able to identify realistic goals. It happens. Fortunately, there’s always someone who’s eager to help set the record straight.)
(Hey! Being a smart-ass is a talent, not a bad vice that needs to be obliterated. Geez!)
(Now this I can handle! Being awesome is…well, awesome! Always choose to be awesome.)
Whether or not you made any resolutions for 2018, just remember this:
Stay positive, keep smiling, and always try to find the humor in whatever life throws your way.
~Happy Friday, friends! Best wishes for a bright 2018!~
(Marginal New Year’s Motivation originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 12/30/16)
And so another year comes to a close.
Whew!
Where has the time gone?
Oh, wait.
I know.
As my oldest child would say…
Down the toilet.
Yeah.
Sounds about right.
Like any other year, there have been ups and downs.
But with any luck, the highs have more than balanced out the lows.
That seems to be the key to maintaining one’s sanity.
More or less.
But sanity is overrated.
So if 2017 wasn’t your personal best, fret not.
2018 is waiting right around the corner with the promise of a brighter year.
Let’s usher in the upcoming year with a bit of humorous inspiration from Mark Twain, shall we?
“New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
Ah, yes.
Sounds like a mighty fine plan, indeed!
~Quirky Girl and The Bigly Bestest Doggie would like to take this opportunity to wish all our wonderful friends a bright, fantastic, and prosperous 2018! Let’s make it amazing!~
Oh, hi there! Hey, wait a second! It’s not time for Tuesday Tails ‘n’ Tweets yet… is it?
@thebiglybestestdoggie: OMG! Santa came! OMG! I made the Nice List! Even after I accidentally chewed up part of that gingerbread house on Christmas Eve! I AM a good doggie! OMG! OMG!!!
~Happy Tuesday, friends! Jett certainly enjoyed his first Christmas in the crazy Quirky household. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday, too!~
‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through Santa’s workshop,
The reindeer were busy plotting mischief and mayhem.
It’s true, Santa gets most of the glory.
But what about those hard-working reindeer?
They shoulder the bulk of the burden, carrying the weight of Santa and his gazillion tons of toys all around the world in a single night.
That’s no small feat, and it’s little wonder those creatures love their reindeer games so much.
(The jolly ol’ dude’s weight has always been a delicate topic, but the reindeer aren’t known for their diplomacy.)
(Hauling Santa’s donut-shoveling corpse around is more strenuous than hauling 386 sacks of toys at once.)
(A GPS can only get you so far, especially when the reindeer have been tampering with it. While this mishap may not be the best example of a good time for all, it probably breaks up the monotony of a long night.)
(Who can blame these reindeer for wanting to make the most of this opportunity for mischief? Although frankly, I’m surprised Santa doesn’t get himself stuck every single time he crams himself down one of those things.)
(Reindeer work hard and deserve a break! Which evidently involves partying hard and accidentally impaling Santa’s elves…)
(Modern technology has done wonders in taking a huge load off Santa’s back.)
(I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the… oops, the sky is the other direction! Well, so much for that…)
(While the burden of hauling a five billion-ton sleigh falls on the reindeer, Santa gets his workout by sucking it all in and repeatedly diving in and out of strangers’ chimneys in the middle of the night.)
(Your reindeer are begging you to put that donut down! In the spirit of the holidays, don’t be such a glutton!)
(In such a role reversal, do the reindeer now hop out of the sleigh to slide down chimneys and deliver the toys? Or does Santa still have to do that, in addition to his newly assigned duty of pulling the sleigh?)
(This is one of the sounds of the season, surely?)
(Hey, if the shoe fits… Ho, ho, hole! Merry Christmas!)
~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a fantastic weekend, and a very Merry Christmas!~
(Reindeer Games originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 12/16/16)
@thebiglybestestdoggie: It’s almost Christmas! Santa Reindeer Doggie told me I’m probably on the Nice List. Unless I’ve been a bad doggie. Does giving sweet hugs and tearing my toys to shreds make me a good doggie or a bad doggie? So confused…
~The Bigly Bestest Doggie would like to wish all his wonderful friends here on Comically Quirky a very Merry Christmas!~
Who doesn’t love a good parody?
I know I certainly do.
So I decided to put a slight spin on some of the traditional classics to create a slightly more, uh… modern Christmas playlist.
With catchy titles like these, they’re bound to be instant classics!
Presenting:
A Highly Dysfunctional Hillbilly Christmas Playlist!
1) Santa Claus Ain’t Coming to This Town
2) Angels We Have Heard Are High
3) Feliz Navi-D’oh!
4) O Come All Ye Ungrateful
5) Santa Got Run over by a Bulldozer (for Having the Audacity to Put Me on the Naughty List)
6) Here Come Satan’s Claws
7) O Holy Fright
8) Frosty the Know-It-All Man
9) Jingle Hell Rock
10) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (in Timeout!)
11) All I Want for Christmas Is Juice
12) The Twelve Days of Excessive Greed
13) Deck the Brother/Wife/Neighbor
14) Black and Blue Christmas
15) I Saw Mommy Chasing Santa Claus (out of the trailer with a shotgun)
16) Holy Crap! The Herald Angels Shriek
17) Do You Hear What I Hear? (Sirens again?!?)
18) You’re a Mean One, Mr. Police Officer
19) It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like the Aftermath of an Apocalypse
20) Where are You Christmas? (No, really. Where the hell are you?)
~Happy Friday, friends! Hope you all enjoyed this delightfully warped spin on the same ol’ ho-hum holiday classics. Have a terrific weekend!~
Way to totally sleigh ( I mean, slay) a Christmas classic.
*A Highly Dysfunctional Hillbilly Christmas Playlist originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 12/17/2015
Coal.
It’s not just for Christmas.
I’ve periodically tormented my poor boys with the threat of coal on a variety of other occasions throughout the years.
Like their birthdays.
And Halloween.
And even Easter.
For the most part, it’s been a fairly effective bluff.
After all, nothing makes a holiday less joyful than the possibility of receiving a lump or two of coal.
But that all changed recently.
I ‘d been casually scrolling through some funny holiday comics online…
And then I stumbled across this one disturbing meme that totally changed my perspective.
My younger son thought it was awesome.
Now I’m scared.
I think that’s my cue to get working on inventing flame retardant coal…
ASAP.
~Happy Friday, friends! If you have kids and they’ve behaved in a less than saintly manner this year, do yourself a favor and skip the coal. Yikes!~
The terrifying reason why coal is no longer a viable gift giving option for even the naughtiest child.
comically quirky 