So Long, 2017!

And so another year comes to a close.

Whew!

Where has the time gone?

Oh, wait.

I know.

As my oldest child would say…

Down the toilet.

Yeah.

Sounds about right.

Like any other year, there have been ups and downs.

But with any luck, the highs have more than balanced out the lows.

That seems to be the key to maintaining one’s sanity.

More or less.

But sanity is overrated.

So if 2017 wasn’t your personal best, fret not.

2018 is waiting right around the corner with the promise of a brighter year.

Let’s usher in the upcoming year with a bit of humorous inspiration from Mark Twain, shall we?

“New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

Ah, yes.

Sounds like a mighty fine plan, indeed!

~Quirky Girl and The Bigly Bestest Doggie would like to take this opportunity to wish all our wonderful friends a bright, fantastic, and prosperous 2018! Let’s make it amazing!~

Oh, hi there! Hey, wait a second! It's not time for Tuesday Tails 'n' Tweets yet... is it?

Oh, hi there! Hey, wait a second! It’s not time for Tuesday Tails ‘n’ Tweets yet… is it?

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Gratitude with a Twist of Attitude

Happy 2nd Anniversary to me!

Yeah, I know.

Way to be subtle, right?

Well, here’s the thing.

This is milestone is dedicated to YOU, my dear friends.

Your unwavering support helps make Comically Quirky a fun and whimsical (and possibly slightly unhinged) retreat from reality.

So…

My fabulous, incredible, amazing readers…

This one’s for you!

(It’s unquestionably gratitude; that warm, fuzzy feeling of overwhelming gratitude. Either that, or I’m on fire…)

(You guys brighten my day a million times over when my twisted sense of humor brightens your day. It’s true!)

(It takes far too much effort to act not only normal, but in ways that are also socially acceptable. Pftt! Where’s the fun in that?) 

(This ties into the whole socially acceptable nonsense. Remember Uncle Jack and his horse?  Yeah. You’re welcome.)

(Ha! This world couldn’t possibly handle that much crazy, and so a “limited edition” I am. On the positive side, I suppose this just makes my writing style that much more, uh…entertaining.)

(This must be why I’m able to make people laugh. Insanity is inherently humorous. Speaking of which…)

(Might as well admit it- you’re probably almost as crazy as I am if you find me even remotely humorous. And that, my friends, makes you amazingly awesome.)

(You- my friends, family, and fellow bloggers- make writing even more enjoyable and rewarding.)

(Because I unwittingly seem to find myself incorporating cows into my writing, what better way to express my gratitude than by saying mooooo-chas gracias!)

(Yeah, you! You rock!)

Seriously, thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of Comically Quirky.

I’m honored to be part of such a wonderful community.

~Happy Friday! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! If you’d like to read my very first post that started all the insanity, please click here.)~

The Big 1-0-0!

Woo hoo!

Today was the last day of school!

And, coincidentally…

Today also marks my 100th blog post!

I realize that I’ve been blogging for nearly two years, and some people churn out 100 posts in a single month…

But unless you want to read about my daily adventures of unclogging the toilet during mealtimes or dodging armadillos near fields of cows, one post a week from me is in the best interest of us all.

Seriously.

Anyway, what better way to celebrate this milestone than by honoring a remarkable lady with a tremendous talent for witty humor?

A woman whose views on domestic pursuits meshed beautifully with my underwhelming domestic ineptitude.

Her wisdom was unparalleled, and her ability to find humor in the most ordinary and extraordinary circumstances makes her a true gem.

Ladies and Gentleman, presenting some of my all-time favorite quotes from none other than the incredibly hilarious Erma Bombeck!

(That’s right- an animal doctor for kids who behave like wild animals. Or better yet, deduct the cost of that toy from their allowance and wait for it to pass through their digestive tract.)

(The moral of the story? If tomorrow comes, great. But if it doesn’t, you’ll regret leaving this world without having one final slice of quadruple chocolate cake.)

(Much like Lewis and Clark were famous explorers of land, some of us enjoy exploring the depths of our refrigerators.)

(It’s a futile attempt in productivity and there’s nothing to show for it. The more you clean, the bigger the mess becomes.)

(While humor itself is funny, the circumstances that it stems from aren’t necessarily all that humorous at all.)

(Seriously, the stress from excessive happiness is downright overwhelming!)

(I wholeheartedly agree with this handy guideline. It really puts things in perspective.)

(If I were to take myself seriously, I’d probably become seriously depressed.)

(I love this motto. Besides, “self-cleaning” ovens are anything but self-cleaning. Why is that?)

(And that’s the truth!)

(It’s like running on a hamster wheel. You’re actively doing something, but you’re not getting very far.)

(Tell me about it. There’s more food on the floor than in anybody’s mouth, and whatever isn’t on the floor is going to waste because no two people in this house like the same foods.)

(But I didn’t do it! I swear, it was him! Really!)

(Hell yeah! Besides, prolonged streaks of cleaning leaves me feeling like a sweaty hog, and there’s definitely nothing godly about that.)

(Okay, so I wouldn’t go quite that far. But there’d be consequences, for sure. Like screaming until I pass out, for instance.)

(Don’t get me wrong. I like things neat and tidy. But mostly, I just don’t care enough about domestic pursuits to worry myself over something so trivial.)

(Laughter is always the right medicine. It’s been scientifically proven!)

(I knew it! There’s a reason cookbooks and I don’t get along…)

(When I can’t figure out if an article of clothing at the store is meant to be a shirt or a dress, I don’t dare try it on for fear of unintentionally injuring myself.)

(Always full of surprises. That’s the beauty of humor.)

(Hey, wait a minute! I’m a vegetarian, but I’m more lion than hippo! Clearly, those hippos must be supplementing their diet with red-meat-eating lions.)

(Using mad ninja skills to bust down the door has some pretty cool dramatic impact, too.)

(Now that is a memorable and highly effective way to get a point across. In your face, doubters!)

(They may not lack self-esteem, but they are kind of lazy. Shouldn’t they be a bit more self-conscious about that?)

( I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can tell you this: eating takes precedence of 99.9% of everything else in life, especially if you don’t want to see me become crazy hangry.)

(I find myself on that very same figurative treadmill, going nowhere while getting very little accomplished.)

(I mean, yeah, I do find myself swatting flies some days. But I also manage to do this while carrying a load of laundry and balancing a pile of dirty dishes, so I earn all my meals, thank you very much.)

(Humor plays an understated, yet vital, role in civilization that cannot be underestimated.)

(Yes, but it’s a vicious cycle. It’s challenging to try to hug a child when they’re shooting Nerf darts at you.)

(It’s crazy how true this is. One minute, we’re eagerly awaiting a child’s first words. The next minute, we’re telling them to shut up.)

(Especially if it’s being passed off as “lemonade”.)

(Can’t go wrong with this philosophy. Although, in my case, it usually seems to be the other way around…)

(I be a goodly fine example of this here quote. Clean no more!)

(I wonder if this is also true for ulcers?)

(I wouldn’t know. Some days, I have my doubts about making it out of motherhood alive. But it’s good to know there’s a reward for those who do manage to survive.)

(Or a tornado. Or a tsunami. Or a typhoon…)

(All I know is, that first one is never mine. Then again, neither are any of the subsequent 78 pieces of luggage…)

(While not exactly funny, this one is 110% true.)

(I’m also an expert worrier. Yes, I’m good at it, but it brings me no joy. Perhaps I should find some new, more productive hobbies.)

(Which might explain the clouds of smoke coming out of my ears. System overload!  Reboot! Reboot!)

(This is actually the title of one of Erma Bombeck’s books, but I frequently find myself wondering the exact same thing.)

(Time sure does fly. Fortunately, almost any note can be salvaged using this clever approach.)

(This is much harder than you’d probably expect. I mix up my boys’ names on a daily basis, and there’s just two of them. I can only imagine the struggle for parents with twice as many kids.)

(We all fail, from time to time. And to be successful, one must learn from their failures. So learn from your mistakes, then get out there and do something amazing!)

(The way I look at it, my kids didn’t come with warning labels at birth. I think any future spouses of theirs ought to find out what I figured out for myself. From experience. Good luck with that!)

(The fact that I’m still alive means I must be doing something right…but evidently, that something isn’t housework.)

(Sounds good to me! I laugh a lot. Mostly at myself, but I’m pretty sure it still counts.)

(That’s really not so bad, is it? I mean, I’d personally rather be a majestic tree than a cow.)

(How I love this one! It makes me laugh every single time.)

Erma Bombeck.

Proof that humor transcends time and change.

~Happy Friday, my friends! I hope you’ve  enjoyed reading these quotes as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you. Have a fabulous weekend, and remember to always, always look for the humor in life.~

World’s Okayest Mom

I am the best mom, and I am the worst mom.

I am amazing, and I am far from exceptional.

I am strong, and I am a total wuss.

I am kind, and I am pure evil.

I am funny, and I am without a trace of humor.

I am your best friend, and I am your worst nightmare.

I know everything, and I know absolutely nothing.

I am not perfect. I am perfectly imperfect.

I am the World’s Okayest Mom.

In a world where too many strive for the very perfection that is only perfectly impossible, okay is sometimes, well…okay.

I’m not gonna lie. There are definitely times where my sweet, adorable boys drive me to drinking.

And if they were of legal age to drink, they’d probably be tempted to do the same after a long, hard day.

But since that isn’t an option for them, they demonstrate their frustration by peeing off the top of the staircase.

(Just kidding! I’m not raising a bunch of barn animals. Geez!)

In all seriousness, my boys are happy, compassionate, well-adjusted kids.

And that, my friends, is a fairly accurate indication that I must at least be doing something right.

Which is why I took the liberty of awarding myself the title of The World’s Okayest Mom.

After all, I’ve got the shirt to prove it.

And if the shirt fits…

~Happy Mother’s Day to all the marvelous moms out there! And while we’re on the subject of moms, a big shout out to my own incredible mom. Some of you already know her as Tink the Belle from Playing By My Own Rules. If you haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting her, please stop by and check out her inspirational blog. She’s simply amazing. ~

Seriously, I've got a shirt to prove I'm The World's Okayest Mom. How cool is that?

Seriously, I’ve got a shirt to prove I’m The World’s Okayest Mom. How cool is that?

(World’s Okayest Mom originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 5/6/16)

The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2

I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny!

Just when I thought there was no more wisdom for Homer to impart, I encountered even more gems of pure genius.

I hadn’t realized it was possible for one character to single-handedly verbalize so many unintentionally humorous off-the-wall thoughts.

But then, his penchant for the offbeat is truly unparalleled.

Turns out Homer’s 27+ years of half-assed parenting/employment/mere existence has generated a plethora of material for me to work with.

So…

A well-justified encore is definitely in order for the not-quite-wiser-than-Yoda patriarch of one of the world’s most dysfunctional cartoon families in history.

Presenting ten more of Homer’s astoundingly witty moments:

homer simpson happy

(It’s safe to assume things start to go downhill for Homer the instant he opens his mouth.)

homer stole a bike forgiveness

(Something about this one just seems very wrong. And yet, he is on the right track, asking for forgiveness… So surely that counts for something?)

homer simpson english

(Which begs the question- what language does this guy speak? Drunkenese, perhaps?)

homer simpson ill teach you

(Laughing at Homer’s expense is obviously a very, very bad idea.)

homer simpson dinosaur

(Good point. That actually levels the playing field, if you think about it.)

homer simpson elected officials

(Ha! I’m more than happy to think for myself, thank you very much.)

homer simpson dinner time

(He could easily moonlight as the official Duff Beer mascot.)

homer simpson shut up brain

(Does he even have a brain? Or would he simply be jabbing around in a vast area of emptiness?)

homer simpson making a scene

(A clear indication that his behavior tends to push the limits of acceptable human conduct.)

homer simpson to kill a mocking

(And the moral of the story? Oh, right. Homer wouldn’t recognize a moral if it came crashing down on his head.)

~Have a great weekend, everybody! Be sure to also check out part one of The Wisdom of Homer! ~

The Badness of Bart

Don’t have a cow, man!

El Barto.

Bartman.

Bart Simpson.

Homer and Marge’s impressively underachieving firstborn.

Mischievous and rebellious, this kid is definitely not a role-model child by any stretch of the imagination.

But he is one of America’s favorite juvenile delinquents.

Presenting ten inspiring quotes from the infamous Bart:

bart simpson try to try

(That’s a start, I suppose.)

bart simpson can't prove anythi

(Little wonder this kid spends his days in detention.)

bart simpson crazy people

(Poor Bartman. That’s actually kind of sad. )

bart simpson good or bad

(Right. You just keep telling yourself that, kid.)

bart simpson damned if you do

(Truer words have never been spoken. Especially not by a 10 year-old with a penchant for bad behavior.)

bart simpson liar

(Blatant honesty is always so refreshing.)

bart simpson true meaning of ch

(Once again, Bart is slightly misguided as the result of poor parenting. On a side note: leave it to Ho-Ho-Homer to spread cheer through strangulation.)

bart simpson sucks and blows

(No point in sugar-coating the truth, is there?)

bart simpson never give up

(Well, he started off on the right track with this one.)

bart simpson stare at the sun

(Sounds like the kind of advice you’d expect from Homer. Proof that the apple doesn’t fall far.)

Bart may not be an overachiever like his sister Lisa, but he sure has perfected the art of trouble-making.

And he’s a master prankster.

Well, what do you really expect from a character whose name is the anagram for the word “brat”?

Ay carumba!

~Hope you all have a great weekend! Don’t forget to also check out The Wisdom of Homer, The Logic of Lisa, and The Modesty of Marge.~

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Holy guacamole!

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of Comically Quirky!

Let me tell ya, releasing that very first post was both exhilarating and nauseating.

And terrifying.

Yeah, definitely terrifying.

Would anybody actually read it?

Would they like it?

Or worse… Would people really read it?

And judge me? Or hate me?

Oh, the horror!

I’d never been so terrified in my  life.

And yet…

It was a huge step forward.

My bff Muriel deserves a shout out here for her role in all this. With her persistent encouragement and a gentle nudge forward, I proceeded with this venture.

Sure, it took me a while to actually take the leap…But I finally did it!

Muriel urged me to quit complaining about cows and cornfields and do something more productive.

And so I began writing about my humorous experiences as a transplant to No Man’s Land.

No Man’s Land deserves a bit of gratitude for creating a period of unsettling change that brought with it a plethora of insanely offbeat experiences, which clearly continue to inspire this blog.

Huge thanks to my Facebook buddies, who were among the very first to know about this venture and read my blog. They have been and still are the most amazing supporters. (Yeah, you guys know who you are. And just know that I love you all for it!) Thanks for having faith in me and being my support.

Speaking of support…my mom, husband, and even my boys have all been amazing support and encouragement for my writing. I am honored to have such wonderful people in my life.

And…a special shout out to Evil Squirrel, who was one of my very first followers. Well, outside of immediate family and coworkers who had faced the threat of either reading my blog or being disowned.

So yeah, someone who had actually chosen to read my blog with his own free will- that’s huge. Here’s to unicorns, my friend!

Writing has always been my strength and my passion, and I plan to continue to use my naturally warped and twisted tendencies to brighten the day for others through humor.

Please be sure to check out The Journey to No Man’s Land, my very first post that kicked off all this insanity.

~Thanks to all my followers and fellow bloggers, family and friends. You guys rock!~

What better way to celebrate Comically Quirky's anniversary than with Ren and Stimpy's Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

What better way to celebrate Comically Quirky’s anniversary than with Ren and Stimpy’s Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

The Modesty of Marge

She’s not particularly exciting.

What does she do all day, anyway?

I mean,  besides vacuum and drive her kids around?

Oh. My. God.

I think I  just described myself.

The horror!

Okay, okay. Enough of that pity party.

Presenting ten of Marge’s most profound, yet undoubtedly humorous quotes:

marge simpson aim low

(Brilliant! Set that bar low enough, and you’ll never be disappointed again!)

marge simpson too tense2

(She definitely can’t be accused of sugar-coating the truth with that attitude.)

marge simpson listen to your heart

(So that’s how it works? I would’ve sworn it was the other way around.)

marge simpson never raise a hand

(A rather classy way to get the message across, sans violence.)

marge simpson springfield

(Proof that it’s easy to become too complacent, even in mediocrity.)

marge simpson brain food

(Intelligence aside, their very presence in your can of tuna means more bang for your buck!)

marge simpson so funny

(Consider yourself lucky. Some people don’t even have a sense of humor.)

marge simpson fetish

(Hey, give her a break! She’s been wearing the same set of clothes since 1989.)

marge simpson doing something right

(The ultimate gauge for accessing a job well done.)

marge simpson vacation

(Who needs Hawaii when you can have your very own jail cell?)

Apparently, I’ve got more in common with Marge Simpson than I realized.

Well, except I don’ t have a blue beehive.

Or three messed-up kids.

Or a husband with only two brain cells.

Poor Marge.

She’s patient, compassionate, and forgiving.

But the moralistic matriarch really didn’t hit the jackpot with that family, did she?

~Happy Thursday, everyone! Hope you’re having a terrific week! If you haven’t already, please be sure to check out the other two parts of The Simpsons series: The Wisdom of Homer and The Logic of Lisa!~

The Logic of Lisa

She isn’t cool like Bart, adorable like Maggie, or tolerant like Marge.

Or half-baked like Homer.

She may not be the most charismatic or even overly likable, for that matter.

But you’ve got to admit, she has more brain cells than Bart, Maggie, Marge, and Homer.

Collectively.

Lisa Simpson: the vegetarian, overachieving, saxophone-playing middle child.

And boy, does she have sarcasm down to an art.

She’s a total smart-ass. Deadpanning is as much her strength as her intelligence.

Presenting ten of Lisa’s finest moments of sassy and witty wisdom:

lisa simpson not a frown

(I do believe this is the new politically correct term for Not Happy.)

(lisa simpson romance dead

(Hence the term Hallmark Holiday. No moolah equals no love, don’t ya know?)

lisa simpson popular girl

(I know, I know. Life is sooo unfair.)

lisa simpson words of encourage

( Homer and Marge have been trying for years to be slightly-better-than-totally-horrible parents.)

lisa simpson goody two shoes

(Proof that even those Goody Two Shoes have skeletons in their closets.)

lisa simpson envy and help

(If this isn’t the World’s Most Perfect Family, I’m at a total loss.)

lisa simpson psychiatrist

(Surely just a minor drawback of being part of a dysfunctional family.)

lisa simpson pain and drudgery

(Depressing, yes. But also poignantly true.)

lisa simpson book n beers

(She’s obviously referencing Homer, not me. Hey, I don’t even like beer!)

lisa simpson silent fool

(My personal favorite. Attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain, I’m inclined to give Lisa full credit on this one.)

Lisa may not be as well-loved as some of the other Simpsons, but she does have redeeming qualities.

She’s passionate, she cares about the environment, and she actually has morals.

She rebels against societal norms, for goodness sake.

What’s not to love about that?

Yeah, I can definitely relate to Lisa Simpson.

After all, I am a fellow smart-ass and vegetarian, myself.

And…

I, too, have a few more brain cells than the average cartoon character.

~If you’re a fan of The Simpsons and enjoyed this post, please be sure to also check out The Wisdom of Homer. Happy Thursday!~

World’s Okayest Mom

I am the best mom, and I am the worst mom.

I am amazing, and I am far from exceptional.

I am strong, and I am a total wuss.

I am kind, and I am pure evil.

I am funny, and I am without a trace of humor.

I am your best friend, and I am your worst nightmare.

I know everything, and I know absolutely nothing.

I am not perfect. I am perfectly imperfect.

I am the World’s Okayest Mom.

In a world where too many strive for the very perfection that is only perfectly impossible, okay is sometimes, well…okay.

I’m not gonna lie. There are definitely times where my sweet, adorable boys drive me to drinking.

And if they were of legal age to drink, they’d probably be tempted to do the same after a long, hard day.

But since that isn’t an option for them, they demonstrate their frustration by peeing off the top of the staircase.

(Just kidding! I’m not raising a bunch of barn animals. Geez!)

In all seriousness, my boys are happy, compassionate, well-adjusted kids.

And that, my friends, is a fairly accurate indication that I must at least be doing something right.

Which is why I took the liberty of awarding myself this totally appropriate trophy.

Trust me, I've earned this honor.

Trust me, I’ve earned this honor.

~Happy Mother’s Day to all the marvelous moms out there! Your dedication and loyalty are truly commendable and deserve to be recognized and celebrated, 365 days a year!~