Bigly Bestest Devil in Disguise

@thebiglybestestdoggie: It’s almost Halloween, and I am so ready! Momma says I’m the cutest little devil she’s ever seen. Oh, and guess what? It’s also my second Tails ‘n’ Tweets anniversary! That’s right; it’s been two amazing years since I came along and joined (and unintentionally took over) Comically Quirky!

Who’s ready for a devilishly good time?

~Happy Halloween, friends! And thanks for joining Jett on his exciting adventures! You guys are the best!~

Bigly Bestest Halloween Fright

@thebiglybestestdoggie: I tried giving out candy on Halloween, but I might’ve accidentally scared a few kids. I smiled my biggest smile… Then they left me a trail of candy all the way down the driveway as they ran off screaming. Was it something I said? 

Laser eyes! It's all about camera angle. (Wink, wink!)

Laser eyes! It’s all about camera angle. (Wink, wink!)

~Wait, what? It’s not Tuesday, you might be thinking. Yeah, well. It’s Jett’s anniversary week, so he gets a bonus blog day. Besides, he needed a good Halloween story to go with this hilarious image! Have a great weekend!~

Howling Halloween Hysterics

Trick or treat!

It’s almost Halloween!

Sure, candy is fun and all.

But humor is far more satisfying.

And less likely to make you puke.

So here we go:

(Gives new meaning to selling one’s soul for something, doesn’t it? Looks like candy might have some virtues after all.)

(The unfortunate unraveling of a mummy. Shouldn’t he know bathrooms are a dangerous place for fellows like him?)

(GPS is simply incapable of safely guiding people to their destinations. Even a flying witch isn’t exempt from crappy directions.)

(This one gets my vote for best themed costume idea in the least ideal setting.)

(A mind is not to be wasted, whether in your head or on your plate.)

(Consider it unintentionally decorating, if you must. It’s a fine way to embrace the mess!)

(Because you can never have too much of a good thing. Even if it means eating yourself sick.)

(Kids these days are so freaking hard to please. Perhaps a nice homemade blood-of-bat stew would suffice?)

(This is almost sad. Hey, I said almost. Geez!)

(It’s no secret kids can be every bit as destructive as termites.)

(Eye rolling. It’s not just for teenagers anymore.)

(While still taboo, pumpkin cannibalism is becoming an increasingly prevalent issue.)

(Aww! I mean… Augh! I am so very, very scared!)

~Happy Friday, friends! Have a great weekend, and a fun Halloween!~

Ho Ho… Uh, No

I love holidays.

Truly, I do.

But Christmas decorations and shopping frenzies taking center stage before Thanksgiving?

Or before even Halloween, for that matter?

What’s up with that?

Unless you’re a retailer…

In which case,  the thrill of Back to School/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year all start in July.

Who needs one holiday at a time? 

Bring ’em on!

Bring ’em ALL on!!!

(Literally. Everywhere. There’s no escape.)

(Because why the hell not, right? It’s never too early, apparently.)

(T’is the season… for what, exactly? It’s getting to be far too confusing anymore.)

(As efficient as Back to School/Halloween/Christmas shopping all at once might seem, this isn’t what I picture when I think about “one stop shopping”.)

(November isn’t technically off-limits for Christmas cheer… but September and October are definitely pushing it.)

(You know what they say- if the bottle ain’t opening, it ain’t time yet. Try again later. Like after Thanksgiving, perhaps.)

(It’s hard to argue with the fact that Thanksgiving is indeed rooted in violence, but it isn’t typically the turkey doing the carving.)

(On the bright side, if you get it all out of the way now, you may be able to avoid getting out of the house again until well after the New Year!)

(What a great way to cover nearly half a year’s worth of holidays under one convenient catchphrase!)

(Well, at least since Halloween is done and Witchy Poo finally got her turn, Santa is now only trying to push his way in front of one other guy…)

(I think it’s safe to say that turkeys everywhere are sick of playing second fiddle to Santa.)

(And it would appear that the Pilgrims are none too pleased, either…)

(Nor is Grumpy Cat. But then, when is he ever in the mood to celebrate anything?)

(But we all have different opinions, and that’s okay. If Darth Vader is feeling the spirit of the season already, more power to him.)

The magic of the season is undeniable.

Even though I’m not entirely sure what season we’re celebrating at the moment…

All I know is that I’m not quite ready for Christmas music or Christmas shopping…

Or even putting up the Christmas tree.

The insanity of the season can wait.

Right now, I’m perfectly content with relishing the delightful crackle of vibrant autumn leaves beneath my feet on a crisp November morning.

Unless, of course, I’m somehow magically gifted with a one way ticket to a remote tropical island.

Then I’m all for it.

Ho ho ho!

~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a terrific weekend!~ 

The Halloween Holler

This morning, I found myself elbow-deep in pumpkin guts in a laughable attempt to carve a Minecraft Creeper face.

To keep myself sane, I created a little song in honor of Halloween.

Ah. Halloween; the fabulous tradition of dressing the entire family up like an eclectic group of escaped mental patients and wandering door to door, politely demanding candy from people you’ve never even seen before in your life.

But hey, when else can you witness an angel walking arm in arm with the devil?

Or Darth Vader nonchalantly strolling the streets with Dora the Explorer?

Or Hit Girl from Kick Ass chilling with the Cookie Monster?

Priceless.

You don’t even need to go to Vegas for people creature watching of this caliber when you’ve got the insanity right outside your front door!

Anyway, without further ado…

THE HALLOWEEN HOLLER

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing into the road

In a mask with warped eyeholes

Into the cold we go

Tripping on our capes

Falling on the ice

Evading frostbite

What fun it is to slip and dodge

Another car tonight!

 

Halloween, Halloween

It’s a freaking scream

Oh what fun it is to fly

On a major sugar high!


Halloween, Halloween

It’s a deranged dream

Oh what fun it is to cry

From a sick, sick sugar high!

Hey, let’s sing it again!

On second thought, I don’t feel too good…

Carving a pumpkin is just one of the many joys of Halloween.

Carving a pumpkin is just one of the many joys of Halloween.