Bigly Bestest Slacker Momma

August 18, 2020August 18, 2020 / Quirky Girl / 51 Comments

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Hey guys! Sorry Momma has been slacking lately. No idea what she’s even been doing… nothing remotely impressive or productive from the look of things. Anyway, sorry I haven’t been around much but wanted to pop in and hopefully brighten your day with a bit of cuteness!

Heeeeyyy friends! I miss you all so much!

~Happy Tuesday! Evidently, I’ve been sorely lacking motivation and creativity lately, and managed to fall behind on pretty much everything a person could possibly fall behind in. But here’s to hoping I get back on track soon, because Jett and I sure miss all of our wonderful blogger friends!~

The Badness of Bart

December 7, 2018December 6, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 6 Comments

Don’t have a cow, man!

El Barto.

Bartman.

Bart Simpson.

Homer and Marge’s impressively underachieving firstborn.

Mischievous and rebellious, this kid is definitely not a role-model child by any stretch of the imagination.

But he is one of America’s favorite juvenile delinquents.

Presenting ten inspiring quotes from the infamous Bart:

(That’s a start, I suppose.)

(Little wonder this kid spends his days in detention.)

(Poor Bartman. That’s actually kind of sad. )

(Right. You just keep telling yourself that.)

(Truer words have never been spoken. Especially not by a 10 year-old with a penchant for bad behavior.)

(Blatant honesty is always so refreshing.)

(Once again, Bart is slightly misguided as the result of poor parenting. On a side note: leave it to Ho-Ho-Homer to spread cheer through strangulation.)

(No point in sugar-coating the truth, is there?)

(Well, he started off on the right track with this one…)

(Sounds like the kind of advice you’d expect from Homer. Proof that the apple doesn’t fall far.)

Bart may not be an overachiever like his sister Lisa, but he sure has perfected the art of trouble-making.

And he’s a master prankster.

Well, what do you really expect from a character whose name is the anagram for the word “brat”?

Ay caramba!

~Happy Friday! Hope you all have a great weekend!~

(The Badness of Bart originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 7/15/16)

The Logic of Lisa

November 30, 2018November 30, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 11 Comments

She isn’t cool like Bart, adorable like Maggie, or tolerant like Marge.

Or half-baked like Homer.

She may not be the most charismatic.

Or even overly likable, for that matter.

But you’ve got to admit, she has more brain cells than Bart, Maggie, Marge, and Homer.

Collectively.

Lisa Simpson.

The vegetarian, overachieving, saxophone-playing middle child.

And boy, does she have sarcasm down to an art.

She’s a total smart-ass.

Deadpanning is as much her strength as her intelligence.

Presenting ten of Lisa’s finest moments of sassy and witty wisdom:

(I do believe this is the politically correct term for Not Happy.)

(

(Hence the term Hallmark Holiday. No moolah equals no love, don’t ya know?)

(I know, I know. Life is sooo unfair.)

( Homer and Marge have been trying for years to be slightly-better-than-totally-horrible parents. Evidently, their efforts are paying off.)

(Proof that even those Goody Two Shoes have skeletons in their closets.)

(If this isn’t the World’s Most Perfect Family, I’m at a total loss.)

(Surely just a minor drawback of being part of a dysfunctional family.)

(Depressing, yes. But also poignantly true.)

(She’s obviously referencing Homer, not me. Hey, I don’t even like beer!)

(My personal favorite. Attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain, I’m inclined to give Lisa full credit on this one.)

Lisa may not be as well-loved as some of the other Simpsons, but she does have redeeming qualities.

She’s passionate, she cares about the environment, and she actually has morals.

She rebels against societal norms, for goodness sake.

What’s not to love about that?

Yeah, I can definitely relate to Lisa Simpson.

After all, I am a fellow smart-ass and vegetarian, myself.

And…

I, too, have a few more brain cells than the average cartoon character.

~Happy Friday, everyone! Can you believe it’s almost December already? Holy Moly, where did the year go?~

(The Logic of Lisa originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 5/19/16)

The Modesty of Marge

November 23, 2018November 23, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 15 Comments

She’s not particularly exciting.

What does she do all day, anyway?

I mean, besides vacuum and drive her kids around?

Oh. My. God.

I think I just described myself.

The horror!

Okay, okay.

Enough of that pity party.

Presenting ten of Marge Simpson’s most profound, yet undoubtedly humorous quotes:

(Brilliant! Set that bar low enough, and you’ll never be disappointed again!)

(She definitely can’t be accused of sugar-coating the truth with that attitude.)

(So that’s how it works? I would’ve sworn it was the other way around.)

(A rather classy way to get the message across, sans violence.)

(Proof that it’s easy to become too complacent, even in mediocrity.)

(Intelligence aside, their very presence in your can of tuna means more bang for your buck!)

(Consider yourself lucky. Some people don’t even have a sense of humor.)

(Hey, give her a break! She’s been wearing the same set of clothes since 1989.)

(The ultimate gauge for accessing a job well done.)

(Who needs Hawaii when you can have your very own jail cell?)

Apparently, I’ve got more in common with Marge Simpson than I realized.

Well, except I don’ t have a blue beehive.

Or three messed-up kids.

Or a husband with only two brain cells.

Poor Marge.

She’s patient, compassionate, and forgiving.

But the moralistic matriarch really didn’t hit the jackpot with that family, did she?

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope you’ve had a terrific week!~

(The Modesty of Marge originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 6/9/16)

The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2

November 16, 2018November 16, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 6 Comments

I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny!

Just when you probably though there was no more wisdom for Homer to impart, I discovered even more gems of pure genius.

Woo hoo!

Turns out Homer’s three decades (!) of half-assed parenting/employment/mere existence has generated a plethora of material to work with.

So…

A well-justified encore is definitely in order for the not-quite-wiser-than-Yoda patriarch of one of the world’s most dysfunctional cartoon families in history.

Presenting ten more of Homer’s astoundingly witty moments:

(It’s safe to assume things start to go downhill for Homer the instant he opens his mouth.)

(Something about this one just seems very wrong. And yet, he is on the right track, asking for forgiveness… So surely that counts for something?)

(Which begs the question- what language does this guy speak? Drunkenese, perhaps?)

(Laughing at Homer’s expense is obviously a very, very bad idea.)

(Good point. That actually levels the playing field, if you think about it.)

(Ha! I’m more than happy to think for myself, thank you very much.)

(He could easily moonlight as the official Duff Beer mascot.)

(Does he even have a brain? Or would he simply be jabbing around in a vast area of emptiness?)

(A clear indication that his behavior tends to push the limits of acceptable human conduct.)

(And the moral of the story? Oh, right. Homer wouldn’t recognize a moral if it came crashing down on his head.)

~Have a great weekend, everybody! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out part one of The Wisdom of Homer! ~

(The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2 originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 8/12/16)

The Wisdom of Homer

November 9, 2018November 9, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 16 Comments

Finally!

A man of true character!

Alright.

Fine.

His character is questionable, at best.

But he’s definitely got character.

For whatever that’s worth.

No, I’m not referring to the blind Greek poet Homer, who’s credited for creating brilliant works such as The Odyssey and The Illiad.

Geez!

Lower your standards a couple thousand notches, people!

That’s right.

I’m talking about the great Homer Simpson, of course!

Presenting ten of Homer’s finest, most inspiring motivational quotes to help start your weekend off right:

(Well, yeah. I guess that is a valid point.)

(Indeed, Homer. Indeed.)

(Again, he’s got a good point.)

(Umm… Moving on…)

(Close enough.)

(No worries. Pretty sure the damage was already done.)

(Okay, so I wouldn’t go quite that far..)

(Fair enough.)

(Hey, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.)

(It’s safe to assume Homer no longer makes any further attempts at this unnecessary learning nonsense.)

~Happy Friday, everyone! Hope your weekend is amazing!~

(The Wisdom of Homer originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 4/15/16)

Crazy Candy Compulsion

October 20, 2018October 20, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 29 Comments

Game Over?

What do you mean, game over?!?

Oh, it’s not like I’m lacking for things to do.

Quite the opposite, actually.

But you’d never know it with the way I’ve been procrastinating.

I’ve got laundry to sort through.

A dishwasher to empty.

Meals to prepare.

Floors to vacuum.

And an assortment of other tasks I’m legitimately forgetting…

Or choose to forget about.

It’s been raining every single day this week.

No sun + tons of rain = no motivation.

I’m behind on everything.

So why not take a break and play a round of Candy Crush?

Or maybe a few hundred rounds, while I’m at it.

Yikes.

I hadn’t played Candy Crush in years.

Yet, this week, I completed over 290 levels in just 3 days.

I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed for allowing myself to get sucked into such a major time drain.

I might be in need of inspiration.

Or a nap.

But look at all those pretty colors!

It’s candy, for goodness sake!

Candy!

Besides, the game’s claim of “swiping stress away” is too appealing to pass up.

Ooh, look!

I just earned infinite lives!

For two hours only!

Must. Keep. Playing.

It’s rather unfortunate that domestic pursuits don’t motivate me more.

But no.

The curse of being an Undomestic Goddess.

And every level successfully completed rewards me with a declaration of Fantastical!

Which should, theoretically, make me feel good about myself.

Except for the fact that I can’t help but question the actual existence of any such word.

Fantastic, yes.

Fantastico, sure.

But fantastical?

Hmmm.

When all five of my lives are used up, it’s time to do…

Well, whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing that I clearly would rather not be doing.

Sure, I could buy more lives.

But I won’t.

The offer to buy a little extra “help” is just not that appealing.

I’m not necessarily arguing the fact that I need help.

But my guess is that isn’t the kind of help I probably need.

I rarely download games to my phone.

But I do still have a few on my Kindle.

I’ve been reading the same page of the same book over and over for the last two weeks on that very Kindle.

And Candy Crush was just kind of there…

So I’m too distracted for distractions like reading.

But I can play for hours on something that’s meant to be played in short bursts.

Go figure.

Suffice it to say, my priorities are sorely lacking lately.

But I did manage to put up Halloween decorations.

And I also walked the dog during a lull from the rain.

So I managed to do something productive.

Oh, and I also scraped a sticky, melted wad of cherry Starburst out of the dryer.

Eww.

I may not excel at domestic things.

But at least my problem solving skills are still intact.

Maybe Candy Crush is good for something, after all…

~Happy weekend, friends! So… What’s your guilty time-wasting pleasure? Haha!~

Swipe the stress away, huh? It’s not like I was doing anything productive, anyway…

Motivation for Turbulent Times

October 6, 2018October 6, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 40 Comments

Some days, we just need an extra dose of humor to compensate for life’s crappy challenges.

Some days..

Some weeks…

Hell, even some months…

Yeah.

So here’s a bit of humorous inspiration for anyone who could use a little boost right about now.

(Have you ever seen a sad Cookie Monster? Case in point. Now go eat a cookie and cheer up.)

(If you believe passionately enough, you might soar higher than you ever thought possible! But you might want to put on a cape first, just to be on the safe side…)

(Much like the brain, utilizing one’s entire ass is twice as impactful as using half of it. It’s gotta be all ass or no ass. There’s no in between. Speaking of asses…)

(Butt prints are sooo unflattering. So get up and make amazing things happen!)

(If you do nothing else today, do this one little thing. Talk about an adrenalizing mood booster!)

(They say you can’t keep doing things the exact same way and expect different results. Right? I mean, left…?)

(I’ll be the first to admit, I hate to lose. Hate, hate, hate it. This is where having a warped sense of humor comes in handy.)

(To quote the great Homer Simpson, “Shut up brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!”)

(But seriously, it can kill you if you’re not careful. So be smart and use your brain. You know, the same one you just stabbed with a Q-tip. Whoops!)

(Plants need sunlight to thrive and grow. So do human beings. Without sunlight, we wither like shriveled prunes. So step outside and get your daily dose of mood boosting vitamin D.)

(Amen to that.)

(If all else fails, always remember this one thing: you’re awesome. Because I said so. Enough said.)

~Have a great weekend, friends! Smile, laugh, and always look for that elusive silver lining.~

Back to School Blues

August 17, 2018August 17, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 19 Comments

It’s that time again.

Back to school time.

Yippee.

More like back to gaaah!

Can you feel the enthusiasm?

Yeah.

Me, neither.

Nobody wants to get out of bed bright and early for school.

Including me.

Especially me.

The novelty has already worn off.

And it hasn’t even been a full week.

Sure, my boys have been complaining of acute boredom for the last ten weeks.

But rarely is a child so bored that they eagerly anticipate returning to school.

My younger son seems especially over it already.

By day two, his alarm clock lay on the floor in pieces, its batteries scattered haphazardly.

It’s no fun for me, either.

There’s the stressful challenge of packing lunches they’ll actually eat.

And having to make sure they’re sanitary enough to be seen in public.

And worst of all…

Homework.

That’s no fun.

For anyone.

Not only that…

Yesterday, we had to do a second round of school supply shopping.

Because once obviously was neither fun enough nor expensive enough.

Or sanity-endangering enough.

Hooray for Walmart and their disorderly heaps of leftover back to school crap!

I mean, supplies.

And so it’s back to battling the clock.

And traffic.

And Walmart.

Yikes.

But now that the kids are back in school, it’s a great time for me to work on catching up on all the things I’d fallen behind on this summer.

Like cleaning.

And writing.

And reading.

And more cleaning.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I’ve somehow managed to fall behind in life as a whole.

I’d probably settle for catching up on sleep, at this point.

But there’s no rest for the weary.

Or the worried.

It’s hard to sleep while my mind gallops off like a crack-addicted race horse.

By the same token…

It’s also hard to accomplish anything that way.

So much to do.

So little motivation to do any of it.

But, hey.

At least my kids are being more productive at the moment.

They’re probably learning something at school.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

So long, lazy days of summer.

Hello, back to school madness.

If nothing else, it’s back to devising ways of embarrassing my kids at school functions.

I suppose that counts as being productive.

Right?

~Happy weekend, friends! And Happy Birthday to my favorite mascot boy! Woo hoo!~

Augh! Not this again! Didn’t summer just start?!

Taxation Without Education

April 27, 2018April 27, 2018 / Quirky Girl / 26 Comments

Where, exactly, are my tax dollars going?

I posed this question to my older son during a game of Trivia Crack after he answered yet another question incorrectly.

His response?

Umm…up your butt?

Hmm.

That’s kinda what I was afraid of.

Incidentally, I just received our 2018 property tax statement.

Let’s just say it ain’t pretty.

Which is precisely why a friendly lunch note reminder seems to be in order:

If nothing more, it’s a helpful lesson in alliteration.

In my son’s defense, though:

I hadn’t learned that yet… I don’t think.

Sigh.

After answering 11 consecutive trivia questions correctly myself, he offered a bit of praise:

You’re not as dumb as I thought!

Thanks.

I think.

Guess you won’t be seeing either of us on Jeopardy anytime soon…

~Happy Friday, friends! No person in history has probably ever been overjoyed about paying taxes. But on that note… Where education is concerned, investing in the future is undoubtedly a worthwhile investment. Have a fantastic weekend!~

comically quirky

a twist of witty humor

motivation

Bigly Bestest Slacker Momma

The Badness of Bart

The Logic of Lisa

The Modesty of Marge

The Wisdom of Homer~Part 2

The Wisdom of Homer

Crazy Candy Compulsion

Motivation for Turbulent Times

Back to School Blues

Taxation Without Education

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