Bigly Bestest Super Bowl

@thebiglybestestdoggie:  Almost Super Bowl time! Just not sure who to root for. Cousin Chloe looks like a Furrydelphia Beagle, but Daddy seems to like the Chewingland Pupriots. BTW, does “Super Bowl” mean I’ll be getting a super big bowl of food for dinner?  Please tell me it does!

This doesn't look like much of a "super bowl". Am I supposed to eat this thing or what?

This doesn’t look like much of a “Super Bowl”. Am I supposed to eat this thing or what?

~Happy Tuesday! Poor Jett was disappointed to realize the Super Bowl does not actually have anything to do with his meal portions. However, he is excitedly awaiting kick off so he can go catch that ball and play some fetch. Go, Jett! Go!~

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TV or Not to Be

Hulu down!

Hulu down!

OMG!!!

What to do?

What to do?!?

Well, here’s a crazy suggestion:

Take a deep breath in.

Then exhale slowly.

Now peel your butt off the couch…

And go find something else to do.

Read a book, perhaps.

Reading is rapidly becoming a lost art.

Now is a great time to rediscover it.

Speaking of lost arts…

How about communication?

Talk?

Like, to other people?

What do you mean, not virtually?

Ewww.

How does that even work?

Are you telling me I have to talk to my family now?

Please don’t make me talk to my family!

Anything but that!

Augh!!!

Such was the general sentiment when I perused Twitter comments on Hulu Support after experiencing a brief outage.

I’m cancelling my service!

You’ve ruined my night!

What am I supposed to do now?

That’s it. I’m switching to Netflix!

You’ve ruined my life!!!

I’m not sure whether to be amused or disturbed.

I guess we’ll go with amusingly disturbed.

Or disturbingly amused.

I do tend to be easily amused, after all.

The nerve!

The outrage!

Geez, Hulu!

Get your shit together!

You’ve single-handedly managed to ruin millions of lives with your carelessness!

What’s that?

Hulu and Netflix are both down?

Alright, then.

Let’s try a different strategy.

Put on some shoes and open your front door.

Now step outside and close the door behind you.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other until you are doing this thing that is typically referred to as walking.

Now look up.

There’s the sky!

Isn’t it stunning?

Look down!

See those beautiful flowers?

Is it nighttime?

Look up again.

See that magnificent perfect crescent moon?

And what about that spectacular shooting star?

These phenomena are part of what we call nature.

And reality.

No, definitely not the same thing as reality TV.

Geez!

It’s okay to take a break from the tube every now and then.

You could be sparing yourself a fatal blood clot, just by standing up and walking out of the room.

Instead of gearing up for a 12 hour marathon of The Bachelor reruns.

So consider it a blessing.

While you’re at it, why not use that dramatic outrage and put it toward a more worthwhile cause for genuine problems in this world…

Rather than bemoaning the injustice of having no access to television for 25 minutes, when far too many people in this world have no access to clean water or food.

Talk about First World Problems.

I don’t know.

Maybe I’m a freak, but I’d personally take a book over TV any day.

Don’t get me wrong.

I love a good comedy sitcom.

But would I be losing any sleep if my TV were to accidentally go flying out the window one of these days while my boys are busy brawling?

Probably not.

Unless it happened to fall on a poor pedestrian who decided to take a break from watching TV by getting out for a walk.

TV or not TV…

It’s not really a question.

~Happy Friday, everyone! Have a great weekend!~

Ooh! Look at all the pretty colors! Surely that's more entertaining than anything else on TV!

Ooh! Look at all the pretty colors! Surely that’s more entertaining than anything else on TV!

Bigly Bestest Pout and Shout

@thebiglybestestdoggie: What do you mean I’m all done with treats for today? And it’s time for bed?!? That’s it. I will cry and I will pout and I will yell and scream and shout! Oh, but I’d really hate to blow my chances for tomorrow…

~Happy Tuesday, friends! Fear not; The Bigly Bestest Doggie isn’t actually crying, pouting, or shouting; he’s merely enjoying a good yawn after an action-packed day of lying around, being adorable and all that good stuff.~

Cookie Crazed Frenzy

Girl Scout cookies.

It’s what’s for dinner.

And breakfast.

Oh, and lunch, too.

Apparently.

Such is the unfortunate challenge when you find yourself with eight boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

Yeah.

You read that right.

Eight boxes.

Of cookies.

Yikes.

Last Saturday while I was at work, a well-meaning family member decided to support our local Girl Scout troop and buy some cookies.

And by some, I mean two boxes each of Thin Mints and Trefoils.

Along with Samoas, Tagalongs, Savannah Smiles, and Rah-Rah Raisins.

We aren’t typically prone to such extravagant overindulgence of that nature.

Unless it’s Halloween, when there’s no escaping the sweet temptation.

At any rate, just shy of one week later, we are down to…

Exactly one box of gluten-free Toffee-tastic cookies that we’d somehow received in place of the Rah-Rah Raisins.

Let’s just say, those toffee cookies aren’t worthy of any rah-rah-ing.

Not all cookies are equal.

Sorry, but no.

A cookie is a cookie is…

Sooo not a cookie.

Sad but true.

Thin Mints top the hierarchy, hands down.

But we already devoured our two boxes of Thin Mints.

Ooh!

Maybe we could go door to door, asking to buy leftover cookies from random neighbors?

Nah.

That might be weird.

Or perhaps someone out there might want to trade a box of Thin Mints for some yummy gluten-free Toffee-(so not)tastic?

No?

Oh, Thin Mints.

I miss you already.

Until we meet again…

~Happy Friday, friends! Did anyone else indulge in a box (or ten) of Girl Scout cookies this year? If so, which one is your favorite? Have a great weekend!~ 

Sharing is usually caring... except when there's nothing left to share. Oops!

Sharing is usually caring… except when there’s nothing left to share. Oops!

Bigly Bestest Helper

@thebiglybestestdoggie: After a $250 trip to the vet for itching and scratching my way to an ear infection, Momma said I need to find a better hobby. So I decided to lick the kitchen floor clean instead. I am such a good helper!

~Happy Tuesday, everyone! Dogs are great helpers, aren’t they! They do a better job with household chores than most kids, and without even having to ask. Now, if only they could fold laundry…~

A Loose Screw

An endless parade of buses, tractors, and horrifyingly inexperienced high school drivers finally pass.

And then the typical bickering and brawling commenced, mere moments after we made our way out of the school parking lot.

My precious darlings wasted no time, cutting right to the chase of intentionally annoying and aggravating each other.

And me.

Someone in the car was obviously an expert.

On everything.

But that someone clearly wasn’t me.

And then the fun really began.

Stop making that stupid noise!

Turn that down! You’re gonna go deaf!

He’s being stupid!

Why are you being so stupid?

Stop acting like a baby!

Meh.

I continued driving among the bickering insanity when I noticed something… off.

And not just figuratively speaking, either.

I panicked.

The brake and gas pedals…

What the…???

Where did they go???

My life flashed before my eyes.

Was this seriously how things were going to end?

In a malodorous, sweaty-gym-sock-stinking,  juice-box-stained deathtrap, with those two arguing beasts screeching and howling?

I don’t think so.

Over my dead body.

Ooh, no.

That was bad.

But what was going on?

Did I just break the brake?

Did I unwittingly have some sort of deranged Hulk-like moment and destroy a crucial car control with my freakishly strong right foot?

A hunk of plastic unceremoniously rolled backward and magically revealed the presumed missing controls.

And then it rolled under my seat.

Okay, that was a good start.

Except there was still a mysterious piece of rogue plastic on the loose that obviously broke off from somewhere.

I pulled into the post office parking lot, the very place my boys both harbor an unjustifiable aversion to, in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going on.

A large heap of plastic with a loose screw surfaced from under my seat.

I hadn’t the slightest clue what is was.

It vaguely resembled a pedal-shaped…

Something or other.

What did I know?

But the brake pedal was still intact.

The gas pedal was still intact.

So I determined it was safe enough to continue driving.

I mean, relatively speaking.

What with those shrieking banshee passengers and all.

Evidently, that heap of plastic turned out to be part of a vent that was situated near the brake pedal.

A vent part that I must’ve kicked and sent rolling.

Dangerously rolling, at that.

Well, that’s what happens when you discover you’ve got a loose screw.

Or two…

~Happy Friday, friends! Hope you all have a terrific weekend!~

This thing could easily be just a bonus piece of plastic with no justifiable purpose... right?

This thing could easily be just a bonus piece of plastic with no justifiable purpose… right?

Bigly Bestest Desertion

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Where, oh where did everyone go? The holidays are done and over with, and everyone went back to work or school. And all of my Christmas decoration buddies have been shoved into boxes and stuffed back in the closet. I am not happy about this. Not at all.

~Happy Tuesday, everyone! It’s always a bit of a bummer once the holiday season has come and gone, but it’s apparently a lot more ruff, er, rough for a doggie. C’est la vie…~ 

Marginal New Year’s Motivation

Happy New Year!

Speaking of the new year…

I don’t have any New Year’s resolutions.

And I’m far too exhausted from all the, uh, fun and excitement of 2017 to make any.

But anyway, here are a dozen hilariously motivating and inspirational pieces of New Year’s resolution advice to help start the year off with a bang:

new-year18

(Having realistic goals and expectations helps start the new year off right and prevents instant failure two days in to the year.)

new-year13

(That’s the spirit! Way to embrace your amazing self, imperfections and all.)

new-year19

(If you make any resolutions at all this year, this ought to be it.)

new-year12

(This is a great way to take the pressure off. If you succeed in somehow bettering yourself, great. If you don’t, nothing lost. It’s a win-win!)

new-year1

(Go big or go home, right? So why not aim to fail in the grandest of manners?)

new-year17

(Ah, so that’s what all the fuss is about? A week-long To Do list? When you look at it that way, it really doesn’t sound so daunting.)

new-year6

(What a terrific idea! Everything about it has the makings of a successful business concept.)

new-year16

(For those of you with kids, it is imperative to set goals that are practical, attainable, and won’t drive you to drinking in the event of miserly defeat.)

new-year10

(Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that all your friends are rooting for your failure. Oh well. Who needs them, anyway? The resolutions, that is. Not the friends. Friends are good. Well, mostly.)

new-year11

(Some of us struggle with being able to identify realistic goals. It happens. Fortunately, there’s always someone who’s eager to help set the record straight.)

new-year2

(Hey! Being a smart-ass is a talent, not a bad vice that needs to be obliterated. Geez!)

new-year3

(Now this I can handle! Being awesome is…well, awesome! Always choose to be awesome.)

Whether or not you made any resolutions for 2018, just remember this:

Stay positive, keep smiling, and always try to find the humor in whatever life throws your way.

~Happy Friday, friends! Best wishes for a bright 2018!~

(Marginal New Year’s Motivation originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 12/30/16)

Bigly Bestest Resolutions

@thebiglybestestdoggie: This year, I resolve to show more affection by licking everyone/everything in sight, eat fewer rocks, sniff more butts, and spend more time snuggling with Lamb Chop. It’s gonna be a great year!

~Happy New Year! If you’re not in to making New Year’s resolutions, take a cue from doggies everywhere and keep it simple. Or better yet, save yourself the stress and just keep being awesome!~