Holidays

O Christmas Tree

/ Quirky Girl / 32 Comments

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

Thy poor leaves must be horrified!

I mean, for crying out loud!

It just occurred to me that our Christmas tree is a total mishmash of chaos and insanity.

In other words, it’s very well-suited to my family.

It’s official:

The train has come off the track.

And I mean that in the most literal sense.

Seriously, the Christmas train at the base of my tree has apparently decided to take a detour straight to the joyous Land of Derailment.

At any rate, we’ve sure managed to amass quite the collection of ornamental Christmas chaos over the years.

This tree is not lacking in character(s) or personality.

Everyone in my family has a Baby’s First Christmas ornament.

Except for me.

My boys each have multiples.

My husband has a couple of his own, too.

Even my older brother’s Baby’s First Christmas ornament hangs on our tree…and he doesn’t even live with us.

Guess there’s some truth to the notion about the first-born getting all the love and the good stuff in life.

Oh well.

Enough of that pity party.

Let’s talk so more about those ornaments on my tree, shall we?

There’s a light saber-bearing Darth Vader positioned strategically next to an unarmed Gingerbread Man.

And Thor wields his infamous hammer between Tinkerbell and Rainbow Brite.

Marvin the Martian’s ray gun points straight at a lovey-dovey Mickey and Minnie pair with a Batmobile hot on their tails, while Taz chills precariously next to a delicate Eiffel Tower.

Then there’s Baby Jesus, who’s surrounded by a peaceful cluster of angels…along with the Energizer Bunny, Thomas the Train, Jack Skellington, and a one-eyed Cookie Monster.

Who decorated this thing, anyway?

And let’s not forget about my son’s favorite Tom Brady ornament.

Fortunately, our tree is not inflatable. Otherwise, we might have a scandal on our hands.

Good thing Hulk is right there beside him to keep an eye on him.

And then there’s the candy canes.

Adding a rainbow of color to the tree are a lovely assortment of artificial goodness in the form of festive candy canes.

They’re at least a year or two old, though, so I hope nobody actually tries to eat them.

(Note to self: Google “Do candy canes go bad?”)

Oh, but the fun isn’t just inside!

Our adorable lighted outdoor polar bear is passed out on the front lawn beside Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts gang.

Probably from too much holiday excitement!

Or not.

I can’t be sure if it’s the wind or the spirit of the season that’s already taking its toll on him.

Looks like we could both use a drink right about now…

~Happy Friday, and Happy December! Hope you all have a joyous weekend!~

I think my train is coming off its track... Never mind, it's already too late.

I think my train is coming off its track… Never mind, it’s already too late.

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(Un)Season’s Greetings

/ Quirky Girl / 6 Comments

I’ve never been one to jump the gun by celebrating one holiday well before the arrival of another.

Christmas before Thanksgiving especially comes to mind.

Or worse, Christmas before Halloween.

I’ve always groaned about the tactless “half and half” aisles that retail stores seem so fond of. You know, one side of the aisle stocked with Halloween costumes…directly across from the Christmas wreaths.

In September.

But this morning, I awoke with fierce determination.

The ground outside was just the right consistency from the sprinklers.

This would inevitably mean a lot less time and effort required for aggressively whacking Christmassy deer, trains, and polar bears into the stubborn, clay-like soil with a mallet in front of all my neighbors.

After all, nothing says Christmas cheer like the sound of a mallet penetrating the earth.

The weather was another selling point. Miserably gray, but unseasonably warm. And with the forecast from here on out predicting storms, storms, and more storms…how could I possibly resist this golden opportunity?

As I hauled out heaps of mangled décor and tangled extension cords onto the front lawn, I noticed my poor firefighter neighbor looking on apprehensively.

And rightfully so.

Last year, he witnessed firsthand what happens when a determined caffeine buzzed crazed girl with a mallet and dozens of Christmas decorations gets down to business moments before sunset.

Then a few days later, he also happened to observe us accidentally plowing right over the candy cane path markers with our truck. In our own driveway.

Last week, I discovered a business card by my front door for Christmas Light Installation by Local Firefighters!

Coincidence? I think not.

So what if it’s a tad bit early in the season to be decorating?

Big deal.

A little light never hurt anyone.

Unless that source of “light” happens to be lightning. Or a malfunctioning power outlet. In which case, yeah, electrocution probably does hurt.

And it’s not very festive.

Anyway…

Happy (early) Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!

This was the lucky pardoned turkey. He 's now determined to spread some serious holiday cheer.

This was the “lucky” pardoned turkey. He ‘s now being forced to spread holiday cheer.

A Touch of Holiday Cheer

/ Quirky Girl / Leave a comment

It’s July and I’m still brazenly using Christmas address labels.

Why, you might ask?

Are you a huge fan of Christmas?

Is it so you can feel the holiday cheer all year long?

Do you live in a freaking igloo?

The answer is simply this: the alignment on my printer is out of whack and I haven’t been able to print my own labels. No matter how much whacking I’ve inflicted upon said malfunctioning printer.

In my defense, sometimes whacking things gets them working properly again. Admit it. You know you’ve done it a time or two. Or three.

Anyway, I’ve been shamelessly relying on the charitable contributions of charities and their solicitations of donations through the gift of address labels.

(There’s something horribly wrong with that sentence, I know.)

I’ve been using the same sheet of irritatingly festive Christmas labels since last November.

I’m sure my mortgage company is getting a good laugh out of the monthly bills affixed with labels featuring dancing cartoon reindeer or bundled and bloated penguins.

Or maybe they’re secretly concerned about my cost-cutting measures and taking bets on when those prompt mortgage payments are going to abruptly stop altogether as part of phase two of my penny-pinching crusade.

But just when I’m in grave danger of running out and having to- *gasp*- hand-write my return address on all correspondence, lo and behold, a new set of summer-themed labels arrives in the mail.

So now I have six sheets of non-holiday themed labels. Yay!

Talk about practical. I plan to make good use of these well into the New Year.

After all, if I can pretend it’s Christmas in July, I ought to be able to pretend it’s flip flop and Mai Tai time on some tropical island in the dead of  winter.

Works both ways, doesn’t it?

T'is so not the season!

T’is so not the season!