Bigly Bestest Yoga Doggie

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Looking to get in shape this holiday season? Well, you’re in luck! From the creator of popular poses like Upward Dog and Downward Dog, this Yoga Doggie will help you achieve your goals in no time! Treats and belly rubs acceptable forms of payment.

Will work for treats!

Will work for treats!

~Happy Tuesday, friends! If you’re in the market for a workout buddy, Jett is ready for action! Haha!~

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Mother’s Day Melee

I’m not gonna lie.

I’m not really feeling the love.

My darling boys almost forgot that Mother’s Day is tomorrow.

Until I reminded them yesterday.

But alas, motherhood is a thankless job.

Fortunately, it’s not without its humorous moments.

So why don’t we take a moment to celebrate the awesomeness of moms?

Because, let’s face it, moms are awesome.

(Yeah. A crazy, multitasking masochist sounds about right.)

(Does going out of my mind count as a vacation?)

(Hellooo!?! Do you think I enjoy talking to myself? I’ll have you know that I do not, in fact, enjoy talking to myself. Are you even listening?!?)

(Because, evidently, nobody else besides mom can see the invisible, overflowing basket of laundry that keeps mysteriously multiplying.)

(Oops, too late. I guess 364 days was too long for my sanity to stick around.)

(Move over, Iron Man! You probably know me as my alter ego, Wonder Woman. Yeah. Take that!)

(Wearing the cape is typically too much of a hassle. And it blows our cover. We’re supposed to be human, after all.)

(Dogs love unconditionally and never back talk. And they’re always so grateful. Unlike some people I know…)

(Oh crap. Who let the cat out of the bag? Was it those darned kids? They’re lying to you! I swear!)

(Mom? Mom who? Okay, so sometimes moms find ourselves in situations where we’re forced to pretend we’ve never seen those angelic creatures before in our lives. It happens.)

(Amen to that! Now where’s my margarita?)

(Quite possibly the most heartfelt way to thank your mom for all that she has ever done for you.)

~Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! Hope you get to enjoy a nice margarita and a day off from laundry and all that other domestic nonsense.~

Bigly Bestest Easter Fool

@thebiglybestestdoggie:  Hoppity hop! I’m the Easter Doggie! Haha! April fools! (Psst! It’s me, Jett!)

~Happy Tuesday, friends! How crazy is it that Easter and April Fools’ Day will be sharing a day this year? It’ll certainly make for some interesting Easter basket prank ideas…~

Bigly Bestest Valentine

@thebiglybestestdoggie: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Give me a yummy Valentine’s treat, or I am sooo done with you! 

Just kidding! But seriously, do I get a treat or what?

Just kidding! But seriously, do I get a treat or what?

~Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day! Hope you all enjoy a delightful day with your loved ones… both human and furry!~

Reindeer Games

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through Santa’s workshop,

The reindeer were busy plotting mischief and mayhem.

It’s true, Santa gets most of the glory.

But what about those hard-working reindeer?

They shoulder the bulk of the burden, carrying the weight of Santa and his gazillion tons of toys all around the world in a single night.

That’s no small feat, and it’s little wonder those creatures love their reindeer games so much.

reindeer39

(The jolly ol’ dude’s weight has always been a delicate topic, but the reindeer aren’t known for their diplomacy.)

 reindeer4

(Hauling Santa’s donut-shoveling corpse around is more strenuous than hauling 386 sacks of toys at once.)

 reindeer37

(A GPS can only get you so far, especially when the reindeer have been tampering with it. While this mishap may not be the best example of a good time for all, it probably breaks up the monotony of  a long night.)

 reindeer32

(Who can blame these reindeer for wanting to make the most of this opportunity for mischief? Although frankly, I’m surprised Santa doesn’t get himself stuck every single time he crams himself down one of those things.)

reindeer13

(Reindeer work hard and deserve a break! Which evidently involves partying hard and accidentally impaling Santa’s elves…)

reindeer28

(Modern technology has done wonders in taking a huge load off Santa’s back.)

reindeer3

(I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the… oops, the sky is the other direction! Well, so much for that…)

reindeer14

(While the burden of hauling a five billion-ton sleigh falls on the reindeer, Santa gets his workout by sucking it all in and repeatedly diving in and out of strangers’ chimneys in the middle of the night.)

reindeer40

(Your reindeer are begging you to put that donut down! In the spirit of the holidays, don’t be such a glutton!)

reindeer5

(In such a role reversal, do the reindeer now hop out of the sleigh to slide down chimneys and deliver the toys? Or does Santa still have to do that, in addition to his newly assigned duty of pulling the sleigh?)

 reindeer2

(This is one of the sounds of the season, surely?)

reindeer41

(Hey, if the shoe fits… Ho, ho, hole! Merry Christmas!)

~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a fantastic weekend, and a very Merry Christmas!~

(Reindeer Games originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 12/16/16)

Bigly Bestest Christmas Dilemma

@thebiglybestestdoggie: It’s almost Christmas! Santa Reindeer Doggie told me I’m probably on the Nice List. Unless I’ve been a bad doggie. Does giving sweet hugs and tearing my toys to shreds make me a good doggie or a bad doggie? So confused…

~The Bigly Bestest Doggie would like to wish all his wonderful friends here on Comically Quirky a very Merry Christmas!~

Ho Ho… Uh, No

I love holidays.

Truly, I do.

But Christmas decorations and shopping frenzies taking center stage before Thanksgiving?

Or before even Halloween, for that matter?

What’s up with that?

Unless you’re a retailer…

In which case,  the thrill of Back to School/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year all start in July.

Who needs one holiday at a time? 

Bring ’em on!

Bring ’em ALL on!!!

(Literally. Everywhere. There’s no escape.)

(Because why the hell not, right? It’s never too early, apparently.)

(T’is the season… for what, exactly? It’s getting to be far too confusing anymore.)

(As efficient as Back to School/Halloween/Christmas shopping all at once might seem, this isn’t what I picture when I think about “one stop shopping”.)

(November isn’t technically off-limits for Christmas cheer… but September and October are definitely pushing it.)

(You know what they say- if the bottle ain’t opening, it ain’t time yet. Try again later. Like after Thanksgiving, perhaps.)

(It’s hard to argue with the fact that Thanksgiving is indeed rooted in violence, but it isn’t typically the turkey doing the carving.)

(On the bright side, if you get it all out of the way now, you may be able to avoid getting out of the house again until well after the New Year!)

(What a great way to cover nearly half a year’s worth of holidays under one convenient catchphrase!)

(Well, at least since Halloween is done and Witchy Poo finally got her turn, Santa is now only trying to push his way in front of one other guy…)

(I think it’s safe to say that turkeys everywhere are sick of playing second fiddle to Santa.)

(And it would appear that the Pilgrims are none too pleased, either…)

(Nor is Grumpy Cat. But then, when is he ever in the mood to celebrate anything?)

(But we all have different opinions, and that’s okay. If Darth Vader is feeling the spirit of the season already, more power to him.)

The magic of the season is undeniable.

Even though I’m not entirely sure what season we’re celebrating at the moment…

All I know is that I’m not quite ready for Christmas music or Christmas shopping…

Or even putting up the Christmas tree.

The insanity of the season can wait.

Right now, I’m perfectly content with relishing the delightful crackle of vibrant autumn leaves beneath my feet on a crisp November morning.

Unless, of course, I’m somehow magically gifted with a one way ticket to a remote tropical island.

Then I’m all for it.

Ho ho ho!

~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a terrific weekend!~ 

Reindeer Games

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through Santa’s workshop,

 The reindeer were busy plotting mischief and mayhem.

It’s true, Santa gets most of the glory.

But what about those hard-working reindeer?

They shoulder the bulk of the burden, carrying the weight of Santa and his gazillion tons of toys all around the world in a single night.

That’s no small feat, and it’s little wonder those creatures love their reindeer games so much.

reindeer39

(The jolly ol’ dude’s weight has always been a delicate topic, but the reindeer aren’t known for their diplomacy.)

 reindeer4

(Hauling Santa’s donut-shoveling corpse around is more strenuous than hauling 386 sacks of toys at once.)

 reindeer37

(A GPS can only get you so far, especially when the reindeer have been tampering with it. While this mishap may not be the best example of a good time for all, it probably breaks up the monotony of  a long night.)

 reindeer32

(Who can blame these reindeer for wanting to make the most of this opportunity for mischief? Although frankly, I’m surprised Santa doesn’t get himself stuck every single time he crams himself down one of those things.)

reindeer13

(Reindeer work hard and deserve a break! Which evidently involves partying hard and accidentally impaling Santa’s elves…)

reindeer28

(Modern technology has done wonders in taking a huge load off Santa’s back.)

reindeer3

(I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the… oops, the sky is the other direction! Well, so much for that…)

reindeer14

(While the burden of hauling a five billion-ton sleigh falls on the reindeer, Santa gets his workout by sucking it all in and repeatedly diving in and out of strangers’ chimneys in the middle of the night.)

reindeer40

(Your reindeer are begging you to put that donut down! In the spirit of the holidays, don’t be such a glutton!)

reindeer5

(In such a role reversal, do the reindeer now hop out of the sleigh to slide down chimneys and deliver the toys? Or does Santa still have to do that, in addition to his newly assigned duty of pulling the sleigh?)

 reindeer2

(This is one of the sounds of the season, surely?)

reindeer41

(Hey, if the shoe fits… Ho, ho, hole! Merry Christmas!)

~Happy Friday, friends! If you’re looking for an inspirational (and humorous!) new blog to follow, please check out Playing by My Own Rules. Have an awesome weekend!~

O Christmas Tree

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

Thy poor leaves must be horrified!

I mean, for crying out loud!

It just occurred to me that our Christmas tree is a total mishmash of chaos and insanity.

In other words, it’s very well-suited to my family.

It’s official:

The train has come off the track.

And I mean that in the most literal sense.

Seriously, the Christmas train at the base of my tree has apparently decided to take a detour straight to the joyous Land of Derailment.

At any rate, we’ve sure managed to amass quite the collection of ornamental Christmas chaos over the years.

This tree is not lacking in character(s) or personality.

Everyone in my family has a Baby’s First Christmas ornament.

Except for me.

My boys each have multiples.

My husband has a couple of his own, too.

Even my older brother’s Baby’s First Christmas ornament hangs on our tree…and he doesn’t even live with us.

Guess there’s some truth to the notion about the first-born getting all the love and the good stuff in life.

Oh well.

Enough of that pity party.

Let’s talk so more about those ornaments on my tree, shall we?

There’s a light saber-bearing Darth Vader positioned strategically next to an unarmed Gingerbread Man.

And Thor wields his infamous hammer between Tinkerbell and Rainbow Brite.

Marvin the Martian’s ray gun points straight at a lovey-dovey Mickey and Minnie pair with a Batmobile hot on their tails, while Taz chills precariously next to a delicate Eiffel Tower.

Then there’s Baby Jesus, who’s surrounded by a peaceful cluster of angels…along with the Energizer Bunny, Thomas the Train, Jack Skellington, and a one-eyed Cookie Monster.

Who decorated this thing, anyway?

And let’s not forget about my son’s favorite Tom Brady ornament.

Fortunately, our tree is not inflatable. Otherwise, we might have a scandal on our hands.

Good thing Hulk is right there beside him to keep an eye on him.

And then there’s the candy canes.

Adding a rainbow of color to the tree are a lovely assortment of artificial goodness in the form of festive candy canes.

They’re at least a year or two old, though, so I hope nobody actually tries to eat them.

(Note to self: Google “Do candy canes go bad?”)

Oh, but the fun isn’t just inside!

Our adorable lighted outdoor polar bear is passed out on the front lawn beside Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts gang.

Probably from too much holiday excitement!

Or not.

I can’t be sure if it’s the wind or the spirit of the season that’s already taking its toll on him.

Looks like we could both use a drink right about now…

~Happy Friday, and Happy December! Hope you all have a joyous weekend!~

I think my train is coming off its track... Never mind, it's already too late.

I think my train is coming off its track… Never mind, it’s already too late.

(Un)Season’s Greetings

I’ve never been one to jump the gun by celebrating one holiday well before the arrival of another.

Christmas before Thanksgiving especially comes to mind.

Or worse, Christmas before Halloween.

I’ve always groaned about the tactless “half and half” aisles that retail stores seem so fond of. You know, one side of the aisle stocked with Halloween costumes…directly across from the Christmas wreaths.

In September.

But this morning, I awoke with fierce determination.

The ground outside was just the right consistency from the sprinklers.

This would inevitably mean a lot less time and effort required for aggressively whacking Christmassy deer, trains, and polar bears into the stubborn, clay-like soil with a mallet in front of all my neighbors.

After all, nothing says Christmas cheer like the sound of a mallet penetrating the earth.

The weather was another selling point. Miserably gray, but unseasonably warm. And with the forecast from here on out predicting storms, storms, and more storms…how could I possibly resist this golden opportunity?

As I hauled out heaps of mangled décor and tangled extension cords onto the front lawn, I noticed my poor firefighter neighbor looking on apprehensively.

And rightfully so.

Last year, he witnessed firsthand what happens when a determined caffeine buzzed crazed girl with a mallet and dozens of Christmas decorations gets down to business moments before sunset.

Then a few days later, he also happened to observe us accidentally plowing right over the candy cane path markers with our truck. In our own driveway.

Last week, I discovered a business card by my front door for Christmas Light Installation by Local Firefighters!

Coincidence? I think not.

So what if it’s a tad bit early in the season to be decorating?

Big deal.

A little light never hurt anyone.

Unless that source of “light” happens to be lightning. Or a malfunctioning power outlet. In which case, yeah, electrocution probably does hurt.

And it’s not very festive.

Anyway…

Happy (early) Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!

This was the lucky pardoned turkey. He 's now determined to spread some serious holiday cheer.

This was the “lucky” pardoned turkey. He ‘s now being forced to spread holiday cheer.