Land Ho! Oh, Whoa!

Holy crap, Batman!

My two-year anniversary in No Man’s Land is just days away!

So, in honor of having survived long enough to reach this milestone…

20 Things I Kinda, Sorta Like About No Man’s Land

  1. I get to play a riveting game of Guess the Farm Animal every time I leave the house. (FYI, I still suck at this game. Horses, donkeys…is there really that big a difference?)
  2. Moving to a new place has meant getting out of a rut, trying new things, and perhaps most importantly, has also given me a much-needed push in a new direction toward achieving my goals. (This blog was, after all, inspired and created from all the ensuing mayhem.)
  3. I really like my new house. (As my younger son put it, more room to make more mess!)
  4. Mysteriously intriguing sunrises and sunsets. (I’m starting to appreciate all those cloudy days.)
  5. My boys have gotten to experience real snow (and snow days!) and build snowmen for the first time in their lives. (Yeah. Seriously.)
  6. There’s a terrific selection of restaurants that are NOT steakhouses, so this vegetarian probably won’t die of starvation. (Woo hoo!)
  7. The school system out here is a major improvement, with happy teachers and better funding. (A true win-win.)
  8. Bright, happy sunflowers blooming everywhere. Prior to coming out here, I hadn’t even realized they’re actually wildflowers. (Sad but true.)
  9. Moving here with all the stresses and challenges of not knowing where exactly we would live, where the boys would go to school… In retrospect, that’s insane! (Or maybe insanely brave…)
  10. Spring, summer, fall, winter…There are all four seasons! Granted, sometimes they can all be experienced in the course of a week, but after years of being in a desert, this is exciting. (Leaves changing color! Snow! Flowers blooming!)
  11. In addition to cows, this place has goats. And everyone knows that indiscriminate eaters such as goats can be useful in maintaining a clean house. (Note to self- grab goat from nearby field on drive home today.)
  12. The bipolar weather is far from boring. (Tornadoes, earthquakes, and hail! Oh my!)
  13. Cornfields, hay barrels, and wheat fields. (It’s like being in another world.)
  14. I’ve grown to like these horizontal traffic lights out here. (And now I think all those “normal” vertical ones look weird.)
  15. The roads are awesomely bad. Pothole-laden roads make for an exciting adventure every time. (I’ve lost track of how many times my car has become airborne and almost sailed over a field of cows.)
  16. Meeting awesome new people I wouldn’t have met otherwise if I hadn’t moved here. (Always a good thing.)
  17. Redbud trees. The first sign of spring, with their intense purple flowers. (I want one.)
  18. Bastard Cabbage. (The implications themselves are not actually funny at all, but the name always makes me giggle, as I envision how that…interesting (?) name might’ve come about.)
  19. It’s funny to watch farm machinery hauling ass on highways, passing all the slower-moving sedans and SUVs. (Irony at its finest.)
  20. Change can be a good thing, and what might initially seem like a negative thing may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise. (Having a sense of humor and making the best out of a situation can really go a long way.)

~Happy Thursday, everyone! It’s true: sometimes change isn’t such a horrible thing. So embrace it, and always look for the silver lining.~

Looks welcoming enough, right? (Ha! Run while you still can!)

Looks welcoming enough, right? (Ha! Run while you still can!)

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Holy guacamole!

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of Comically Quirky!

Let me tell ya, releasing that very first post was both exhilarating and nauseating.

And terrifying.

Yeah, definitely terrifying.

Would anybody actually read it?

Would they like it?

Or worse… Would people really read it?

And judge me? Or hate me?

Oh, the horror!

I’d never been so terrified in my  life.

And yet…

It was a huge step forward.

My bff Muriel deserves a shout out here for her role in all this. With her persistent encouragement and a gentle nudge forward, I proceeded with this venture.

Sure, it took me a while to actually take the leap…But I finally did it!

Muriel urged me to quit complaining about cows and cornfields and do something more productive.

And so I began writing about my humorous experiences as a transplant to No Man’s Land.

No Man’s Land deserves a bit of gratitude for creating a period of unsettling change that brought with it a plethora of insanely offbeat experiences, which clearly continue to inspire this blog.

Huge thanks to my Facebook buddies, who were among the very first to know about this venture and read my blog. They have been and still are the most amazing supporters. (Yeah, you guys know who you are. And just know that I love you all for it!) Thanks for having faith in me and being my support.

Speaking of support…my mom, husband, and even my boys have all been amazing support and encouragement for my writing. I am honored to have such wonderful people in my life.

And…a special shout out to Evil Squirrel, who was one of my very first followers. Well, outside of immediate family and coworkers who had faced the threat of either reading my blog or being disowned.

So yeah, someone who had actually chosen to read my blog with his own free will- that’s huge. Here’s to unicorns, my friend!

Writing has always been my strength and my passion, and I plan to continue to use my naturally warped and twisted tendencies to brighten the day for others through humor.

Please be sure to check out The Journey to No Man’s Land, my very first post that kicked off all this insanity.

~Thanks to all my followers and fellow bloggers, family and friends. You guys rock!~

What better way to celebrate Comically Quirky's anniversary than with Ren and Stimpy's Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

What better way to celebrate Comically Quirky’s anniversary than with Ren and Stimpy’s Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

The Half-Baked Eruption

So, I baked a cake the other day…

For the love of God, people!

Surely, the alarms in your head must be going off by now!

I am The Undomestic Goddess, after all.

(If you’re not familiar with the circumstances that earned me this title, my Culinary Mayhem post is a must-read in order to fully appreciate the implication here.)

Anyway, turns out baking a birthday cake first thing on a Monday morning with my eyes half-closed, before even eating breakfast…

Not such a hot idea.

With a potent combination of dazzling creativity mixed with equal part nonexistent domestic ability, my good intentions were bound to go right down the toilet.

Don’t get me wrong. I do bake cakes twice a year, every year for my boys’ birthdays.

And they usually come out decently enough (read: cute and edible).

But this time around was different.

Somehow, the cake had come out oddly misshapen.

It resembled a volcano-shaped monstrosity, actually.

And the icing was a tad bit too thin, spewing off the top and down the sides of the volcano-cake like white lava.

So I made yet another, thicker batch of sugary icing and heaped it on top of the volcanic mess.

Then I lovingly slapped eight adorable little Despicable Me gummy Minions onto the fifty layers of icing in a visually appealing pattern.

But then disaster struck.

The Minions immediately started sinking into the volcanic ashes icing.

Seriously, they were going under faster than an octopus in a straightjacket.

I had to rescue them!

Left with little choice, I quickly grasped and yanked them up and away from impending doom before it was too late.

Sadly, I must’ve accidentally pinched off a few of their smiling faces during my rescue mission.

How fitting.

A tiny little Minion leg had been lost along the way, too.

I frantically glanced around the kitchen for anything- and I mean anything– to help remedy this disaster.

Plastic forks, chewable vitamin c wafers, gum wrappers…

Eventually, I saved their lives by propping them up with mini flotation devices made out of chocolate wafers, broken into Minion-sized bits and pieces.

And just like that, the cake was salvaged.

Well, mostly.

Yeah, okay. So the frosting tasted like the equivalent of six bags of sugar, and the cake was a wee bit lopsided.

Not the end of the world.

Oh, and I also ended up having to draw faces back on a couple of the Minions.

But ultimately, the cake (and the house) did not blow up.

And people willingly ate it.

Hell, some even came back for seconds.

Go figure.

All in all, the funky cake still managed to look (marginally) better than the aftermath of our Minion piñata beat down.

And that certainly has to count for something.

It’s probably hard to tell, but this mangled mess of Minion is the piñata we beat the crap out of, not the disastrous cake I had made.

It’s probably hard to tell, but this mangled mess of Minion is the piñata we beat the crap out of, not the disastrous cake I had made.

End of Year Motivation

Woo hoo!

Today is the day!

The last day of school, that is.

Oh yeah!

And in the spirit of going out with a bang

Presenting the final motivational lunch note of 2015-2016 school year!

In like a lion and out like a lamb? Ha! My boys go in like in like bulldozers and out like hyenas on crack.

In like a lion and out like a lamb? Ha! My boys go in like in like bulldozers and out like hyenas on crack.

~Hope you all have a happy Friday, a terrific summer break, and a fabulous weekend!~

Expressions of Gratitude

Adiós! Au revoir! Arrivederci!

It’s the best time of the year for parents and their children.

And most especially their poor, beat down and worn out teachers.

School is (almost) out for the summer!

What a relief that is, let me tell ya.

No more homework.

No more last-minute projects.

And most importantly…

No more dreaded phone calls from teachers/principals/concerned administrative staff about borderline acceptable human conduct from the little darlings.

What’s not to love about the end of the school year?

But if you’re like me, you probably feel a sense of obligation to thank all these people for putting up with your sweet angels for a whopping 180 days without resorting to diving head-first off a cliff.

So I decided to create little gifts for all of the teachers and staff members who have had the, uh, pleasure of working with my boys throughout the year.

Through brainstorming, I came up with some decent possibilities:

  • Dart boards of the latest class photo
  • Piñatas (to vent a year’s worth of pent-up aggression)
  • Chocolate ( a timeless classic, but not very innovative)
  • Gift cards to local liquor store
  • Counseling/Therapy Sessions
  • World’s Okayest Teacher paraphernalia from the World’s Okayest Mom

I also browsed the web for other ideas, and in my quest for finding the perfect gift idea, I came across some real gems.

Like the I teach, therefore I drink wine goblet.

And a Chill Pills colorful candy jar.

And a pencil thong pouch.

(You read that right. Seriously, a thong-shaped pouch for… pencils. For your child’s teacher. Because that’s not weird or anything.)

But among the truly absurd, I found a real winner.

“Our child might be the reason you drink, so enjoy this bottle on us!” 

The world’s most perfect sentiment ever, in the form of a customized wine label.

Bulls-eye!

Seriously, is this not the best concept ever for a teacher gift?

Now if only gifts of alcohol weren’t so highly frowned upon.

Yeah, back to the drawing board…

I probably ought to be handing these out like candy.

I probably ought to be handing these out like candy.

The Logic of Lisa

She isn’t cool like Bart, adorable like Maggie, or tolerant like Marge.

Or half-baked like Homer.

She may not be the most charismatic or even overly likable, for that matter.

But you’ve got to admit, she has more brain cells than Bart, Maggie, Marge, and Homer.

Collectively.

Lisa Simpson: the vegetarian, overachieving, saxophone-playing middle child.

And boy, does she have sarcasm down to an art.

She’s a total smart-ass. Deadpanning is as much her strength as her intelligence.

Presenting ten of Lisa’s finest moments of sassy and witty wisdom:

lisa simpson not a frown

(I do believe this is the new politically correct term for Not Happy.)

(lisa simpson romance dead

(Hence the term Hallmark Holiday. No moolah equals no love, don’t ya know?)

lisa simpson popular girl

(I know, I know. Life is sooo unfair.)

lisa simpson words of encourage

( Homer and Marge have been trying for years to be slightly-better-than-totally-horrible parents.)

lisa simpson goody two shoes

(Proof that even those Goody Two Shoes have skeletons in their closets.)

lisa simpson envy and help

(If this isn’t the World’s Most Perfect Family, I’m at a total loss.)

lisa simpson psychiatrist

(Surely just a minor drawback of being part of a dysfunctional family.)

lisa simpson pain and drudgery

(Depressing, yes. But also poignantly true.)

lisa simpson book n beers

(She’s obviously referencing Homer, not me. Hey, I don’t even like beer!)

lisa simpson silent fool

(My personal favorite. Attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain, I’m inclined to give Lisa full credit on this one.)

Lisa may not be as well-loved as some of the other Simpsons, but she does have redeeming qualities.

She’s passionate, she cares about the environment, and she actually has morals.

She rebels against societal norms, for goodness sake.

What’s not to love about that?

Yeah, I can definitely relate to Lisa Simpson.

After all, I am a fellow smart-ass and vegetarian, myself.

And…

I, too, have a few more brain cells than the average cartoon character.

~If you’re a fan of The Simpsons and enjoyed this post, please be sure to also check out The Wisdom of Homer. Happy Thursday!~

Happy Friday (the 13th)!

Everyone loves Friday!

Well, except when it’s that kind of Friday.

Oh yeah. Good ol’ Friday the 13th.

Did you know that an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States live in fear of this very date?

There’s even a word for this fear: friggatriskaidekaphobia.

(Frigg being the Norse goddess whom Friday is named for, and triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13.)

The good news is that Friday the 13th only takes place once this year.

It’s true, some horrendous events have occurred on Friday the 13th throughout history.

But consider this:

Every day has the potential to be a bad day.

Think about it.

Bad things can happen any time, even on the most festive, most cheerful days of the year.

Such a positive thought, I know.

But in all fairness…

On Valentine’s Day, you could get impaled by a freakishly thorny bouquet of roses.

Or burn the house down during an intimate candle lit dinner gone horribly wrong.

Or fall off a mile-high cliff during a romantic horseback ride on a disgruntled horse named Princess.

On Christmas, you could get crushed to death by a massive Christmas tree by reaching for a gift and knocking the whole tree off balance.

Or whack yourself in the crotch while shoveling your elderly neighbor’s driveway.

Or get crapped on by Santa’s feisty reindeer as they all fly away into the night.

I rest my  case.

Besides, who has time to lose sleep over a silly date on the calendar?

What you really ought to be worrying about is accidentally smashing a mirror into  millions of jagged pieces.

Or crossing paths with a satanic black cat who was undoubtedly put on this earth for the sole purpose of clawing your eyes out.

Or inadvertently stepping on crack that’s guaranteed to wipe out every last branch of your family tree, all because of your shameful carelessness.

So do yourself a favor and don’t go assuming the worst on this particular day, when Every.Single.Day has equal potential of being The. Worst. Day. Ever.

Look, it doesn’t hurt to wish upon a shooting star, if it makes you feel better.

But for the sake of humanity, leave that poor rabbit’s foot alone!

(Somebody needs to explain to me how a rabbit who met an unfortunate end could possibly be a source of luck and fortune to anyone else.)

Friday the 13th or not, it's a great day to celebrate.

Friday the 13th or not, it’s a great day to celebrate.

~Happy Friday! So what if it’s Friday the 13th? Choose to make it an awesome day!~

World’s Okayest Mom

I am the best mom, and I am the worst mom.

I am amazing, and I am far from exceptional.

I am strong, and I am a total wuss.

I am kind, and I am pure evil.

I am funny, and I am without a trace of humor.

I am your best friend, and I am your worst nightmare.

I know everything, and I know absolutely nothing.

I am not perfect. I am perfectly imperfect.

I am the World’s Okayest Mom.

In a world where too many strive for the very perfection that is only perfectly impossible, okay is sometimes, well…okay.

I’m not gonna lie. There are definitely times where my sweet, adorable boys drive me to drinking.

And if they were of legal age to drink, they’d probably be tempted to do the same after a long, hard day.

But since that isn’t an option for them, they demonstrate their frustration by peeing off the top of the staircase.

(Just kidding! I’m not raising a bunch of barn animals. Geez!)

In all seriousness, my boys are happy, compassionate, well-adjusted kids.

And that, my friends, is a fairly accurate indication that I must at least be doing something right.

Which is why I took the liberty of awarding myself this totally appropriate trophy.

Trust me, I've earned this honor.

Trust me, I’ve earned this honor.

~Happy Mother’s Day to all the marvelous moms out there! Your dedication and loyalty are truly commendable and deserve to be recognized and celebrated, 365 days a year!~

Memory Mayhem

Memories.

They’re a double-edged sword, aren’t they?

They’re the source of our happiness and achievements… and our problems and misery.

Anyway…

Kind thanks to fellow blogger Marc Alexander Valle for nominating me for the 3 Days Quote Challenge, with the topic of Memories of Yesterday.

Because I clearly have issues playing by the rules, I opted to cram all three days’ worth of quotes into one day.

And in the spirit of this being a humor blog, I’ve embraced the challenge Comically Quirky style.

(Translation- from a slightly off-kilter, warped, and twisted perspective.)

Here we go!

dr seuss memory

(Attempting to balance a fishbowl on your head with a live fish sloshing about is probably far better suited as a distant memory, anyway. So no loss there.)

homer short term memory

(No surprise there. A donut a day will help keep Homer’s under-active brain at bay.)

minion memories

(How right you are, little minion. Keep the insanity coming!)


The rules for this challenge are simple. For the three days you just need to post a quote or if you wish you can post all three quotes on the same day.

You then nominate three other bloggers each day to participate in this challenge and inform them about it.

Don’t forget to thank the blogger who nominated you!


My three nominees:

Home for Jerks

Bacon & Oleander

The Girl from Jupiter


Nominees, you are under no obligation to accept this challenge…but there will be cake once the challenge is completed!!!

Oh crap! That adorable yellow minion just ate all the cake.

Happy Thursday, and Happy Blogging! 😉

Just Another Number

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

How the hell old do you think I am?!?

Maybe it’s the upcoming arrival of my birthday that’s setting me off, but my brain and ego can’t even begin to wrap themselves around this enigma.

What kind of person goes to the liquor store for Bailey’s and fails to get carded by an 80 year old cashier, then later that same day goes to Target…

and gets carded by a teenage punk for buying canned air?

Why, yours truly, of course!

Evidently, I look old enough to buy alcohol without proper adult supervision…

But not quite old enough to know that getting high off a can of compressed air is just wrong.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

I can’t be sure.

While I’m not exactly certain where I stand at the moment, perhaps the picture below will help put things in perspective.

~Have a great weekend, and Happy Earth Day! ~

Keeping myself entertained while the kids are at school...

Keeping myself entertained while the kids are at school…