So, I baked a cake the other day…
For the love of God, people!
Surely, the alarms in your head must be going off by now!
I am The Undomestic Goddess, after all.
(If you’re not familiar with the circumstances that earned me this title, my Culinary Mayhem post is a must-read in order to fully appreciate the implication here.)
Anyway, turns out baking a birthday cake first thing on a Monday morning with my eyes half-closed, before even eating breakfast…
Not such a hot idea.
With a potent combination of dazzling creativity mixed with equal part nonexistent domestic ability, my good intentions were bound to go right down the toilet.
Don’t get me wrong. I do bake cakes twice a year, every year for my boys’ birthdays.
And they usually come out decently enough (read: cute and edible).
But this time around was different.
Somehow, the cake had come out oddly misshapen.
It resembled a volcano-shaped monstrosity, actually.
And the icing was a tad bit too thin, spewing off the top and down the sides of the volcano-cake like white lava.
So I made yet another, thicker batch of sugary icing and heaped it on top of the volcanic mess.
Then I lovingly slapped eight adorable little Despicable Me gummy Minions onto the fifty layers of icing in a visually appealing pattern.
But then disaster struck.
The Minions immediately started sinking into the
volcanic ashes icing.
Seriously, they were going under faster than an octopus in a straightjacket.
I had to rescue them!
Left with little choice, I quickly grasped and yanked them up and away from impending doom before it was too late.
Sadly, I must’ve accidentally pinched off a few of their smiling faces during my rescue mission.
A tiny little Minion leg had been lost along the way, too.
I frantically glanced around the kitchen for anything- and I mean anything– to help remedy this disaster.
Plastic forks, chewable vitamin c wafers, gum wrappers…
Eventually, I saved their lives by propping them up with mini flotation devices made out of chocolate wafers, broken into Minion-sized bits and pieces.
And just like that, the cake was salvaged.
Yeah, okay. So the frosting tasted like the equivalent of six bags of sugar, and the cake was a wee bit lopsided.
Not the end of the world.
Oh, and I also ended up having to draw faces back on a couple of the Minions.
But ultimately, the cake (and the house) did not blow up.
And people willingly ate it.
Hell, some even came back for seconds.
All in all, the funky cake still managed to look (marginally) better than the aftermath of our Minion piñata beat down.
And that certainly has to count for something.