Would’ve. Should’ve. Could’ve.
Every single human being has regrets in life, and I’m no exception.
My biggest regret?
I missed my true calling.
I should’ve been a meteorologist.
That’s right, one of those weather-predicting people who seem to be wrong more often than right, yet still get paid for constantly screwing up.
Despite the bad rap they get, I read somewhere that meteorologists are actually correct about 80% of the time, overall.
Which is fairly surprising.
The thing is, I live in a place where all kinds of weather-related mayhem is possible in a matter of minutes.
So this could really work to my advantage.
After all, weather forecasting is not an exact science.
It’s more like a multiple choice quiz.
And I know from experience that I can randomly guess and be right more often than not.
I want to get paid to not think. To not make sense. To make off-the-wall predictions that may or may not come true.
And meteorologists do essentially predict the future.
Or at least, they attempt to.
But storms can shift direction, and lessen or increase in force and intensity.
These things happen.
And between aging satellites and drunk meteorologists, things are bound to get more than a little messed up.
The sun is shining! And now it’s… raining?
But it’s still blindingly sunny?!?
Well, the radar did predict a sunny day… so where did that tornado just come from?
When you look outside the window and there are donkeys on tree branches and horses on rooftops…
Somehow, someway, someone was a little off.
One minute, there’s zero chance of rain… and then it’s suddenly raining hard enough to recreate Noah’s Ark.
Which explains that motorcycle
floating coasting down the sidewalk in plain sight of a swarm of cops.
And those bicyclists pedaling for their lives like drenched hamsters on a treadmill against sudden 70 mph gusts of wind.
And the pedestrian who unexpectedly finds herself going for an impromptu swim through six lanes of traffic.
Yet when it’s supposed to rain all day, every day for a week…
There’s not a single cloud in the sky.
But seriously, where the hell did that tornado come from?
Where was that on the radar map?
Really and truly, though. I get it. I do.
Nature is unpredictable and has a mind of its own.
But so do I.
And I still think I should’ve been a meteorologist.