Aren’t doggies the best?
They give sweet hugs.
And affectionate kisses.
They keep us warm on chilly days.
But sometimes, they’re kind of…
Well, gross.
They cram strange things in their mouths.
They sniff crotches and lick butts.
They poop and pee whenever and wherever they see fit.
They inhale their food in one big gulp.
And then sometimes puke it right back up.
Then they eat their pile of puked up food.
Because there’s nothing more appetizing than eating dinner and noticing your doggie quietly sitting in the corner and chewing on…
What, exactly?
A spider?
Oh, if only.
Nope.
It’s a pile of vomit.
Of course it is.
And apparently it’s mmm mmm good.
So lovely.
But at least dogs love to be active!
You know what’s the best part about taking doggies for a walk?
Watching them lift their hind legs to an astounding assortment of things!
Basketball hoops.
Real estate signs.
High voltage electric boxes.
It’s all fair game.
But it’s one thing to pee on fire hydrants…
And another altogether to plop dead center in some random neighbor’s front yard and proceed to take the biggest dump in history.
And so you might find yourself on your hands and knees as you valiantly try to do the right thing.
Which is hard, because you realize you’ve completely run out of doggie waste bags.
But luck for you, there’s exactly one crumpled tissue left in your pocket!
Of course, it’s not the easy to grab kind of doggie doo.
And so your efforts ultimately result in ripping out fistfuls of some random neighbor’s well-manicured lawn.
For the sake of courtesy and thoroughness.
And because, once again, it’s the right thing to do.
The cleaning up part, that is.
But because you’re working with one measly tissue, keeping your hands clean during cleanup is utterly out of the question.
And so spitting on your hands and rubbing them together vigorously is your only means of “washing” up.
Why is it that you never carry hand sanitizer with you?
Ugh.
You head home in defeat, with your poopie hands and one paradoxically happy doggie in tow.
But in this modern time of digital technology, you can rest assured the entire freak show of chaos has been recorded on someone’s home security camera.
And they will watch the video footage later.
And they will be baffled by what on earth it is you’re doing while your happy doggie stands by, kicking up dirt and licking nearby trees while you’re crouched down in their yard yanking up their grass with a filthy-looking tissue.
So much for always doing the right thing.
Maybe it’s better to just stick to your own backyard, huh?
Oh well.
Pets can be downright messy and gross.
But damn, they’re just so irresistibly adorable!
~Happy Friday, friends! Have a great weekend!~
Ah! The perfect place for a little hind leg-lifting action!
comically quirky 