Super Pooper Pukey Pups

Aren’t doggies the best?

They give sweet hugs.

And affectionate kisses.

They keep us warm on chilly days.

But sometimes, they’re kind of…

Well, gross.

They cram strange things in their mouths.

They sniff crotches and lick butts.

They poop and pee whenever and wherever they see fit.

They inhale their food in one big gulp.

And then sometimes puke it right back up.

Then they eat their pile of puked up food.

Because there’s nothing more appetizing than eating dinner and noticing your doggie quietly sitting in the corner and chewing on…

What, exactly?

A spider?

Oh, if only.


It’s a pile of vomit.

Of course it is.

And apparently it’s mmm mmm good.

So lovely.

But at least dogs love to be active!

You know what’s the best part about taking doggies for a walk?

Watching them lift their hind legs to an astounding assortment of things!

Basketball hoops.

Real estate signs.

High voltage electric boxes.

It’s all fair game.

But it’s one thing to pee on fire hydrants…

And another altogether to plop dead center in some random neighbor’s front yard and proceed to take the biggest dump in history.

And so you might find yourself on your hands and knees as you valiantly try to do the right thing.

Which is hard, because you realize you’ve completely run out of doggie waste bags.

But luck for you, there’s exactly one crumpled tissue left in your pocket!

Of course, it’s not the easy to grab kind of doggie doo.

And so your efforts ultimately result in ripping out fistfuls of some random neighbor’s well-manicured lawn.

For the sake of courtesy and thoroughness.

And because, once again, it’s the right thing to do.

The cleaning up part, that is.

But because you’re working with one measly tissue, keeping your hands clean during cleanup is utterly out of the question.

And so spitting on your hands and rubbing them together vigorously is your only means of “washing” up.

Why is it that you never carry hand sanitizer with you?


You head home in defeat, with your poopie hands and one paradoxically happy doggie in tow.

But in this modern time of digital technology, you can rest assured the entire freak show of chaos has been recorded on someone’s home security camera.

And they will watch the video footage later.

And they will be baffled by what on earth it is you’re doing while your happy doggie stands by, kicking up dirt and licking nearby trees while you’re crouched down in their yard yanking up their grass with a filthy-looking tissue.

So much for always doing the right thing.

Maybe it’s better to just stick to your own backyard, huh?

Oh well.

Pets can be downright messy and gross.

But damn, they’re just so irresistibly adorable!

~Happy Friday, friends! Have a great weekend!~

Ah! The perfect place for a little hind leg-lifting action!

Ah! The perfect place for a little hind leg-lifting action!


33 thoughts on “Super Pooper Pukey Pups

  1. This is so funny, and so true. We used to have dogs, and their messes, but cats aren’t much better…missing the litter box, kicking the litter out, upchucking whenever and wherever they want to. Reminds me of a rabbit we had. The dogs thought of him as their personal gum ball machine. Nudge nudge, and the little poop pellets would come out, and they would gobble them up. Yuck! haha πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t understand what homeowners have against the gift of free fertilizer? That stuff they buy at Lowe’s to sprinkle on their lawn used to be doggy doo…. or some kind of critter doo. Plus, visible landmines might keep the kids off the lawn and deter salesmen and religious/political workers…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOL. If all I had was a tissue, I think I’d do the wrong thing–walk briskly past and pretend it wasn’t ours. Bless you for at least trying to pick it up. My dog has a habit of pooping more, once I’ve gotten the first pile into the bag but before I’ve tied the knot. Trying to use the same bag is dicey, the “bird in the hand” theory. I carry two bags now, always. Stuffing one in each pocket is part of the getting-ready-to-walk routine. Mine eats his own puke, too. And the cat’s. Eeeeeeeew. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yes. Jett is guilty of occasionally filling multiple bags on a single walk. And sometimes, I do try to reuse the same bag. Especially in a pinch. That rarely goes over very well. But I do what I gotta do. Or, at least, I try to. You can see how well that’s been working out. πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. One time, long before it was ‘required’ by snoopy neighborhood watch programs to carry an abundance of doggy bags of the poop pick up variety, our beloved Springer pooped and vomited on the driveway of our local policeman’s home…this on my way back from walking my middle child to the kindergarten bus stop and oh yeah, with her baby brother in tow, too.
    You know how that goes, even with a smallish dog, sometimes they drag you, do their thing then & there you are are left with the task of making things right.
    Anyway, my last plastic bread bag wasn’t going to cut it and of course, it all being on cement made it worse…So I marched right up to the front door, rang the door bell at around 9AM and hoped the neighbor who was also a policeman wouldn’t be cranky at having to deal with what I had to tell him.
    He opened the door and it was obvious he hastily pulled on some pants – the guy probably just got in from working grave yard…oh dear.
    I explained what happened, showed him the damage and told him my intent to go back home to get the necessary items to really clean it up – I wasn’t trying to run out on my responsibility, ya know?

    Here I am, baby boy in tow with our Springer now happily bouncing around on his leash, wanting to engage this new guy in some game, pleading for mercy…

    Anyway, Mr Neighborhood policeman was soooooooooo sweet. He came out then and there – turned on the hose in the front yard and walked over to the mess (it was huge) and sprayed it down, smiling the entire time.
    He told me not to bother coming back – all was well.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh, I know! I’ve got this great poop bag dispenser that attaches to the leash, but sometimes I don’t realize when it’s almost empty. The days when we don’t have but one bag remaining are the days when we need an entire roll of bags… 😜

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ha ha ha! I so relate to this, as I used to be a dog owner. πŸ™‚ Love the part of having one measly tissue when your dog poops on the lawn (and not yours!) Too funny.

    Have a great weekend. I’m about to go look at an apartment. Breathe and let go.

    Liked by 1 person

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