Two of the most dreaded things in life:
Going to the doctor…
Pair those two things together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
Especially when you add a couple of kids to the mix.
Then things really start to get ugly.
It’s a disastrous combination.
Meow Mix tastes like crap!
When is that guy coming in here again?
This, evidently, is how my boys enjoy passing the painful expanse of time waiting for the doctor.
Eww! Who farted?
Are you sure it wasn’t you?
Poop smells terrible…ly good!
What is the matter with you?
I’m tired! And I’ve had too much caffeine!
The room goes silent for a brief moment before they move on to battling it out over the leather spinning stool.
Oooh! It’s so soft and smooth. It’s like hugging the inside of a cow!
(As a vegetarian, this thought is especially unpleasing to me.)
They direct their attention to whatever Nintendo DS game they’d brought along for the ride.
This level sucks! Freaking Mario! You suck so bad!
The door to the room opens, and my older child redirects his attention.
He accusingly points at the doctor and indignantly exclaims:
We’ve been waiting forever for you! What took so long?!?
Don’t talk to the doctor like that! I’ll slap you!
Here, I’ll take care of that.
And he slaps himself.
Can we go to 7-11 and get Slurpees after this?
I don’t think so. Stupidity equals no Slurpees.
I’m gonna stick a cactus in your eye!
If your murder me, you’ll go to jail!
I’m gonna throw you off a three-story building! No, off a ten-story building! No, off the Empire State Building!
(Note: this is not at all what I envision when I encourage them to aim high.)
Keep that up and you’re going to be on America’s Most Wanted.
What’s America’s Most Wanted?
At this point, the doctor good-naturedly interjects:
You don’t want to be on wanted posters in post offices all over the country, do you?
Ooh, yeah! I want to be on America’s Most Wanted!
Can you hurry up and give him his shots now?
I’ll throw you out the window!
No, you won’t.
Last time you had to get shots, you screamed like a girl!
Why you gotta be so rude?
Augh! Don’t you dare! Don’t you do it!
Hold still or they’re gonna send a football player in to tackle you for your shot!
Wanna go? Come on. I’ll take you down!
The doctor’s gonna whack you with his reflex hammer if you don’t knock it off.
Hey, good job! You did it!
And just like that, it was all over.
Can we go out to dinner?
Ha! Like I’m going to take anyone anywhere after that mayhem.
But at least we made it out of there without any of us ending up on America’s Most Wanted.
~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a fantastic weekend!~