Go to Michigan!

Go to Hell!

Evidently, this simple three-word phrase is heavily frowned upon in some places.

Especially in Bible Belt country.

And especially when used by a child.

In school.

(Gasp!)

How do I know this?

Well, from recent experience, of course.

I honestly don’t believe that is, by any stretch of the imagination, the worst thing a person could possibly say.

At the same time, I also don’t personally go around telling all my friends to go to hell…

Plenty of people struggle to speak a single, coherent sentence without the added flair of numerous, strategically placed curse words.

I am not one of those people.

Yes, I do occasionally use such words here on my blog for comedic impact.

But not in my everyday conversations.

And certainly not when speaking to my kids.

My child-free brother, on the other hand, ironically tends to pepper his speech so heavily with curse words that nobody even seems to notice anymore.

Including him.

Or my kids.

It’s like our brains have been trained to filter through to register only the important information.

In fact, I asked my sons whether they ever notice their uncle cursing.

After careful consideration, they both answered at once:

No!

But then my older one paused for a brief moment before correcting himself.

Well, there was that one time, on Easter.

One time?

And on Easter, of all days?

Seriously?

But that was more a question of curiosity, on my part.

Besides, my poor Easter-cursing brother lives too far away to be all that big of an influence.

If anything, YouTube is by far the bigger offender of the two.

It’s paradoxically helpful and a bad influence, all at once.

Damn it, YouTube!

But anyway…

This past Monday, I received a somber phone call from the assistant principal informing me that my little darling would be spending the entire day in in-school suspension for this uncharacteristic transgression.

I had to marvel at the severity of the consequence.

And, of course, I also had to question how that statement had even come about in the first place.

Oh, that!

Yeah.  

So-and-so said “hi!” to me in a weird voice.

So I told him to “go to hell”!

Right.

Because I can’t imagine any other plausible way to respond to such an appalling greeting.

And the best part?

That’s actually the kid’s real voice.

And, the child seemed to find this response humorous enough to laugh.

Geez.

The joys of middle school.

The struggle of trying to figure out who you are.

The struggle of trying to discover where you belong.

The struggle of simply trying to fit in.

This, evidently, is where the smartypants humor kicks in.

Who doesn’t love the class clown?

I know I’m a sucker for humor.

If someone makes me laugh, they’re my friend for life.

There’s no escaping my friendship.

Ever.

That’s pretty much all there is to it.

At any rate, I had to attend a conference at school the next morning.

And I had to put on real pants before going, because it seemed like it would probably be a good day to do so.

Perhaps I should’ve worn my World’s Okayest Mom shirt, too, but I didn’t think about it beforehand.

At least I didn’t burst out in laughter at any point during the meeting.

But I wonder if I should’ve pointed out that Hell is also a place in Michigan, and so perhaps my child was merely recommending a vacation idea…?

Or perhaps not.

Oh, well.

At least this makes for good writing material, right?

So…

If Hell is a place in Michigan…

Is it okay to tell someone to go to Michigan?

Sigh.

On a side note, maybe we really ought to go to Hell…

Hell, Michigan, that is.

Hey, you have to admit, it does sound rather intriguing…

~Happy weekend, everyone! Hope you all have a heavenly break from it all!~

Go to Hell! I mean, Michigan. Yeah. Go to Michigan!

Go to Hell! I mean, Michigan. Yeah. Go to Michigan!

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48 thoughts on “Go to Michigan!

  1. I was just commenting to my wife over the weekend how many commercials run year-after-year this time of year here in Philly…for Michigan. The Tourism Bureau there apparently feels those of us in the Keystone State would like to visit Hell…in summer no less. The slogan they use on the ads is “Pure Michigan.” Perhaps they should change it to “Pure Hell.” I do think if we ever zero in on which location Hell actually resides within it would or should not be an issue telling someone to go there. I see where Michigan also has a Paradise. That state really has something for everyone, doesn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lmAo man…this is hilarious to me. If it makes you feel better, when my oldest daughter was in pre-k (she was 4 I think), a little boy told her something and she turned around and replied, “That’s bullshit!” I had to tell the Christian teacher at the Christian pre-k that I had no idea where she’d gotten this phrase from :-/

    And yes, maybe he could learn to say Go to MIchigan, instead lol because that’s clever.

    One more thing, my 90-year-old grannie now replaces all of her cuss words with “magenta” because she has a three-year-old great grandaughter who repeats her every word smh

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my! One has to wonder what the middle-of-summer temperatures are like in Hell. Hell, Michigan, that is. 😉 I taught my own kids that the best comeback when someone wishes them a nice trip to H-E-L-L is to simply reply, “I don’t believe in Hell.” In the middle school realm, anyway, this often results in gaping looks of shock. How in the Heck can they insult you if you don’t even believe that such a place exists? :O

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now that’s a clever response!

      It’s a cozy 39 degrees in Hell right now, so it might actually be a decent place to go in the summer to cool off! Who would’ve thought? 😄

      Like

  4. Ha! I had a substitute teacher from Hell, Michigan, and she loved calling herself “The Sub From Hell.” She was awesome.

    They sure are serious about such a relatively minor curse word! Good on you for not laughing, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “The Sub from Hell” has a rather catchy ring to it. I like it! 😄

      Yeah, I thought a day of in-school suspension seems kinda harsh, especially for a first time offense. But then, religion is an enormous deal out here, and I suspect that was probably the bigger issue. 😬

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love how the uncle’s cursing is so pervasive that the kids don’t even notice it… There was that ONE time, on EASTER? LOL! Somebody had probably just said hi to him in a weird voice or something. Congrats to you for getting through the conference without laughing or telling the principal to go to Hell; I admire you, SuperMom. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • How funny! I’ve been watching all those Malcolm in the Middle reruns on Netflix lately. It usually makes me feel better about my kids and my parenting skills. Although maybe not so much at the moment… 😝

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I suppose that by your reasoning it’s also ok to say “Go to f*#k yourself” especially in Pennsylvania where Intercourse is an actual town. Ok, maybe that was a little bit of a stretch by me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love all those bizarre town names. I’d written a post about that a while ago, and may have to follow up with another since there’s such an insane amount of hilariously wacky town names. Like Half Hell. And Batcave. Oh, and Humptulips. Yeah, seriously! 😄

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This reminds me of the time, back in middle school, when we were waiting in the library for the start of Health class and the class clown quipped that when students didn’t know where to go, the teachers would tell them to go to Health. He was immediately yanked out of his chair and sent to the principal. Several of the girls protested that he hadn’t said anything wrong, but even the pun was enough for serious consequences. J.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I believe your son got in trouble NOT for saying “GO TO HELL,” but for creating massive technological confusion with GOOGLE’S GPS system (since HELL is also located in the Grand Caymen Islands.) What kind of parent teaches a child such devious acts? (LOL) 😀

    Your writing is truly precious. It is important, however, to make certain one does not drink ANY FLUIDS while reading. There is a 50/50 chance it will wind up on the computer monitor rather than continue along the alimentary canal!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow! You must have had some interesting teachers with genuine job satisfaction. Of course, with that particular age group, I can definitely understand why they might’ve been a wee bit frustrated. 😄

      Like

  9. have mentioned I have lived abroad several times …. once for nearly a decade. On my return it does take time to adjust and once on one of those long public transport bus hikes across a city jumping off and on I needed a comfort stop. Asked a nice young couple where the nearest loo was and pleasant looking young chap said ‘go to hell’. She saw my shock and confusion and kindly pointed out that it was a large pizza chain and they had a public loo two doors up! A pizza chain called Hell? Did not feel good … being told that

    Liked by 1 person

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