A Dynamic Duo

Two of the most dreaded things in life:

Going to the doctor…

And waiting.

Pair those two things together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Especially when you add a couple of kids to the mix.

Then things really start to get ugly.

Yeah.

It’s a disastrous combination.

Meow Mix tastes like crap!

When is that guy coming in here again?

This, evidently, is how my boys enjoy passing the painful expanse of time waiting for the doctor.

Eww! Who farted?

Are you sure it wasn’t you?

Poop smells terrible…ly good!

What is the matter with you?

I’m tired! And I’ve had too much caffeine!

The room goes silent for a brief moment before they move on to battling it out over the leather spinning stool.

Oooh! It’s so soft and smooth. It’s like hugging the inside of a cow!

(As a vegetarian, this thought is especially unpleasing to me.)

They direct their attention to whatever Nintendo DS game they’d brought along for the ride.

This level sucks! Freaking Mario! You suck so bad!

The door to the room opens, and my older child redirects his attention.

He accusingly points at the doctor and indignantly exclaims:

We’ve been waiting forever for you! What took so long?!?

Don’t talk to the doctor like that! I’ll slap you!

Here, I’ll take care of that.

And he slaps himself.

Can we go to 7-11 and get Slurpees after this?

I don’t think so. Stupidity equals no Slurpees. 

I’m gonna stick a cactus in your eye!

If your murder me, you’ll go to jail!

I’m gonna throw you off a three-story building! No, off a ten-story building! No, off the Empire State Building!  

(Note: this is not at all what I envision when I encourage them to aim high.)

Keep that up and you’re going to be on America’s Most Wanted.

What’s America’s Most Wanted?

At this point, the doctor good-naturedly interjects:

You don’t want to be on wanted posters in post offices all over the country, do you?

Ooh, yeah! I want to be on America’s Most Wanted!

Can you hurry up and give him his shots now?

I’ll throw you out the window!

No, you won’t.

Last time you had to get shots, you screamed like a girl!

Why you gotta be so rude?

Augh! Don’t you dare! Don’t you do it!

Hold still or they’re gonna send a football player in to tackle you for your shot!

Wanna go? Come on. I’ll take you down!

The doctor’s gonna whack you with his reflex hammer if you don’t knock it off.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, good job! You did it! 

And just like that, it was all over.

Can we go out to dinner?

Ha! Like I’m going to take anyone anywhere after that mayhem.

But at least we made it out of there without any of us ending up on America’s Most Wanted.

~Happy Saturday, friends! Have a fantastic weekend!~

Why settle for brawling at home when you can share the joy by brawling in public?

Why settle for brawling at home when you can share the joy by brawling in public?

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34 thoughts on “A Dynamic Duo

  1. This brings back so many memories of trips to the doctor with my own children. As much as I dreaded them, I now look back on them with pure fondness. Thanks for letting me relive a small sample of what I kind of went through.

    Liked by 1 person

    • While I don’t particularly enjoy going to the doctor, I suppose any outing that may result in insanely bizarre conversations is well worth it when I’m getting good writing inspiration out of it. 😜

      Glad you enjoyed a fond trip down memory lane! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This kind of entertainment would be great the next time I have to spend two hours at the doctor’s office because they don’t have their act together. I guess I need to schedule appointments that don’t coincide with school times…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Next time you have to go to the doctor, I highly recommend bringing a child along for cheap entertainment. You can offer to babysit for a family member or friend… conveniently when you’ll have a scheduling conflict and be left with no choice but to take the child along with you to your appointment. 😀

      Like

    • As a matter of fact, whenever these boys of mine are on a roll, I whip out my phone and start frantically typing notes on the notepad so I can accurately capture the insanity, verbatim. Some of it is just too good to not jot down for future use. 😝

      Liked by 1 person

    • Snowflakes sound so peaceful. There’s nothing like sitting by the fireplace, snuggled under a blanket and drinking hot tea while watching the world get blanketed in a soft layer of pure white. ❄️❄️❄️

      The crazy energy of crazy kids is pretty contagious, so perhaps that’s what you’ve been experiencing… 😝

      Liked by 1 person

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