He eats his veggies without a word of complaint.

He’s got a surprisingly great sense of humor, too.

And he actually seems to care about my feelings…

Instead of blatantly bulldozing over them like some people I know.

(Cough, cough, cough)

But he enjoys a good treat as much as my other two.

And I know for a fact all three of them will gleefully eat off the floor whenever the opportunity presents itself.

But that’s animals for you.

And kids, too.

The numerous parallels of kids and dogs are hard to deny.

As are the pros and cons of each, respectively.

In an already male-dominated household, adding a male dog to the mix naturally made the most sense.

Sure, the dog eagerly goes around sniffing crotches and behinds.

But otherwise, he’s got fairly impeccable manners.

In fact, I’m realizing that this new dog of ours is quite possibly the best behaved one in the house.

It’s true.

I mean, aside from yesterday’s Hot Dog Incident.

Did you know if you turn your back on a package of hot dogs while preparing dinner, the dog is gonna move in quickly and claim it for his own?

Yeah, well.

Live and learn, right?

But it isn’t really so different.

Kids and dogs both have a tendency to cram questionable objects in their mouths.

The kids would eat pennies when they were babies…

This dog eats chunks of his Nerf frisbee.

But he gives me hugs, any time, any place, without fear of embarrassment.

He’s loyal and unconditionally loving.

Let’s take a look at some of the virtues and vices of kids and man’s best friend, shall we?

Pro of dog:

Very few wants and needs.

Con of kids:

Need lots. Want everything.

Con of both:

Demand loads of attention.

Pro of dog:

Doesn’t talk, and more importantly, doesn’t back-talk.

Con of kids:

Argue and back-talk incessantly.

Pro of dog:

Eats the same thing day in and day out without complaint.

Con of kids:

Complain if you have the nerve to feed them the same thing twice in one week. (Unless it’s pizza or mac and cheese.)

Pro of kids:

Food seldom goes to waste. (Because they already ate everything. In the entire house. In one sitting.)

Con of dog:

Eats tennis balls. And his frisbee. And our dinner.

Con of dog:

Eats flies right out of the air whenever he’s outside.

Pro of kids:

Well… I’ve never noticed my kids doing any such thing…

Pro of dog:

Doesn’t demand newest iPhone.

Con of kids:

Demand newest iPhone and Beats headphones and newest laptop.

Con of dog:

May not demand these gadgets, but might chew up yours, though.

Con of kids:

Addicted to all things electronic.

Con of dog:

He’s addicted, and I mean addicted to Chuck It balls. (They must be laced with crack.)

Con of dog:

If dad is choking, it must be a good time to lick him in the face until he chokes harder.

Con of kids:

If dad is choking, get agitated by the rude distraction and crank up the volume on the tv.

Pro of dog:

Wakes up refreshed and excited for a new day.

Con of kids:

Wake up like sleep-deprived, starving zombies.

Pro of dog:

Enjoys the feeling of being clean.

Con of kids:

Shower? Again? Why?!?

Con of kids:

Laughed at me when I almost fell out of my chair.

Con of dog:

Laughed at me when I almost fell out of my chair.

(Hmmmm…)

Pro of kids:

Eventually learn to use toilet.  Don’t have to use diapers or a pooper scoop for life.

Con of dog:

Will poop and pee, any time, any place, forever.

Con of kids:

They’ll fart nonstop and bodily functions become the dominate mealtime conversational topic.

Pro of dog:

Doesn’t require shoes or clothing.

Con of kids:

Not only is it considered unacceptable to show up to school naked, it’s also not cool to show up in outgrown clothes that are soooo three months ago.

Pro of dog:

Loves being active. Always wants to go for walks and play.

Con of kids:

Go outside? To do what? Is the house on fire?!?

Pro of dog:

Gives hugs and kisses without expecting anything but love in return.

Con of kids:

If they’re being unusually affectionate, watch your back. And your wallet.

Pro of kids:

If you’re lucky, they’ll help take care of you when you are old and decrepit.

Con of dog:

If you die and nobody else is around, he might consider eating you.

Wow.

Aside from that last argument, it almost seems like it’s completely one-sided.

That it should be no contest.

That unconditional love = pets.

And unconditional needs = kids.

But that’s hardly the case at all.

They’re both rewarding and heartwarming, in their different ways.

Sure, a dog won’t laugh if you leave the house with your shirt on backwards or your pants inside out.

But kids?

Oh, they’ll laugh, alright.

They’ll laugh about it now, and they’ll laugh about it every day for the next six months…

Until you do something even more foolish to take their minds off of your previous transgression.

And then you can all laugh about it together.

~Happy Saturday, everyone! Hope you all get to spend an enjoyable weekend with your kids, dogs, cats, pet snakes, or whatever brings you joy and happiness!~