The average couple in Delaware fights 24 times more frequently in a single month than the average UFC fighter battles it out in an entire year.
A whopping 73 times per month, to be exact.
How are there even enough hours in the day for that?
Do people have to schedule their brawls on the calendar?
Set daily fight reminders on their phones?
Dedicate extra time during the workday to hostile quarreling by text?
And what’s all the arguing even about in the first place?
Team Yankees or Team Red Sox?
Potato or potahto?
Blue-green or green-blue?
Seriously, what the hell?
Do people keep an ongoing list of possible topics to argue about?
I’m all for making to-do lists, but not of this particular variety.
Have these people not heard of choosing their battles?
Or do they all thrive on the thrill of perpetually high blood pressure?
Did they all marry complete assholes?
Or their polar opposites, at the very least?
Or possibly something from a different species altogether?
Like a boxing kangaroo?
I don’t know whether to congratulate the people of Delaware for setting such a high precedent or recommend that they all seek psychiatric help.
Because this can’t possibly be good for their health.
Where did they find these people to survey, anyway?
The county jail?
Preferably people who are guaranteed to be featured on upcoming episodes of Cops?
I’m personally a fan of peace, so this is all well beyond my level of comprehension.
In one month.
With the same person.
This number doesn’t even factor in all the other human beings they’re all forced to interact with in the course of a day.
Does anyone in Delaware have inner peace?
Because I’m getting ulcers just thinking about it.
The national average for arguments between couples is only 19 times a month.
Still a fairly hefty number.
But it pales greatly in comparison to good ol’ Delaware.
What the hell is in the air in Delaware?
The EPA must really be letting things slide there.
Why is there no travel ban in place for Delaware?
Bickering, brawling, squabbling…
I’m starting to wonder if it has anything to do with the close proximity to Washington, D.C.?
Maybe these are all attorneys who are paid to argue for a living?
And then they leave work and continue to argue with their spouses/significant others?
The very first state.
The Diamond State.
The Greeks believed diamonds were tears of the gods.
Kinda makes sense.
I’m sure there are plenty of tears being shed with all this mayhem.
Nowadays, diamonds are viewed as a symbol of love.
And I’m sure there’s plenty of love in Delaware.
Alaska, on the other hand, sets the standard with the least amount of arguing.
A relatively miniscule nine arguments per month.
It’s probably far too cold there for anyone to even bother getting out of bed in the first place.
Hey, wait a second!
Maybe that’s the solution to all of life’s problems…
~It’s time to mix things up a bit! Starting next week, Comically Quirky will be adding an exciting new mini-feature! Back by popular demand, Jett the Dog (a.k.a. @thebiglybestestdoggie) will star in Tuesday Tails ‘n’ Tweets, as he shares more hilariously quirky random thoughts about the challenges of…well…being a dog. So stay tuned, and have a great weekend!~