Luck of the Draw

Odds of a renegade vending machine toppling over and crushing you to death: 1 in 112 million.

Odds of a lefty dying from improper use of right-handed products: 1 in 4.4 million.

Odds of getting injured by a musical instrument: 1 in 8,000.

It takes just one.

One attempt, one blunder, one horrifying misfortune.

One time of belligerently assaulting the wrong vending machine that took your last dollar and then sadistically withheld your Snickers bar before sending you off to eternal celestial bliss.

One time of using a right-handed box cutter against your better judgement and awkwardly hacksawing a crater-sized gash through your own wrist.

One time of succumbing to a fit of sneezes, then subsequently impaling yourself with a sissy little flute.

If you play the lottery, you’ll understand this phenomenon.

The phenomenon that strikes fear into the iciest of hearts.

The fear that the one time you didn’t play- you know, when you were bedridden with pneumonia- was the one time your “lucky” numbers were finally drawn.

On the record jackpot day in history.

Odds of going back to work the next morning: 1 in 1.

So much for that.

The odds of winning the Powerball Jackpot: 1 in 292,201,338.

The odds of winning the Mega Millions Jackpot: 1 in 258,890,859

Not particularly promising.

Even so…

What if you’re missing a golden opportunity by not playing every single game, every single day?

Can you really afford not to play all 18 gazillion lottery games?

Powerball, Mega Millions, All or Nothing, Fantasy Five, Lucky for Life, Wild Card, Keno…

Oh, the madness.

What if, what if???

And what about scratch tickets?

Diamond 7, Trucks and Bucks, Lucky Gems, Triple Payout, Lucky 7s, Cool 9s, Bingo…

How can you sleep at night? All those opportunities you could be missing?!?

What if your lucky lottery numbers really do get drawn on a day you didn’t play?

What then?

Did it ever occur to you that it may have been your one and only chance?

Does lightning strike twice?

Odds of getting struck twice by lightning: 1 in 9 million.

Which is considerably higher than hitting the jackpot.

But still.

What if?

Will you be relegated to a life of misery?

Should you just accept defeat and pick new unlucky lucky numbers?

You know…

Lottery is technically a form of gambling.

So why the hell not just move to Vegas, you addict?

And may the odds be ever in your favor.

On second thought, you’re probably not that lucky.

In spite of the dismal odds, winning the lottery is still on my to-do list.

In spite of the dismal odds, winning the lottery is still on my to-do list.

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15 thoughts on “Luck of the Draw

  1. And not only do you have to keep buying those tickets, you must ensure you have your hair done, and make-up nails looking fresh, because when you win…they are going to most certainly put you on TV. I just looked at myself, and no…I would not want this version broadcasted. Even when buying the ticket, must look good…because the minute you exclaim I WON, people are going to whip out their cell phones and record it. Again, blasted across cyber space me in wrinkled tshirt, simple shorts, flip flops, grey hair at temples, sloppily tossed in a somewhat bun (if you can call that) and tired eyes without a hint of make-up to help…. is not how I want to be “fwd” on for everyone to comment. So you have to look good for that “winning moment.”

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    • Wow. That level of pressure is almost enough to discourage me from ever playing again, as I sit in front of my fire place in a Batman t-shirt and Star Wars pajama bottoms, reading other blogs while eating cookies right out of the box. Definitely not a Kodak kind of moment. So I guess it’s just as well I didn’t win the lottery last night. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ha! Could you imagine someone popping up at your window and snapping a shot of you as you shove a cookie in your mouth. Here’s the latest lotto winner, already eating her cookies and crème.

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      • I suppose I could attempt to be appropriately dressed for such possible exposure a few days out of the week. And for the other remaining days…well, that’s when ensuring ALL the blinds in the house are fully closed may come in handy. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d take a stab that the odds that someone out there plays the same lucky numbers as anyone else is a heck of a lot less than the odds those numbers will hit! That is, unless you worship strangely high numbers like 34 and 46 and 59… heck, I’ve always been fond of 61 for some reason. Lottery drawings heavy on numbers in the birthdate range get hit almost every single time… usually by multiple winners. Maybe we should think “unlucky numbers” when filling out our tickets…. or just save the buck and not play at all like I do (or don’t, actually!)…

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    • I’m inclined to use birthdays and ages for my “lucky” numbers. But since I don’t play consistently enough, the odds are impressively high that my special combination of numbers had already seen their day in the sun. In the meantime, I’m gonna go set my alarm clock for 2:30 am. I’ll have to work again tomorrow morning… unless my numbers are drawn tonight. 😛

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  3. I was chuckling all through this because I know someone to whom the lottery thing happened… my stylist agreed to squeeze me in for a haircut and because he did, he missed taking his usual break at the local market to grab a soda and buy his Pick 3 ticket. Fifteen minutes later, I watched on the television in his salon as his numbers came up… on the only day in YEARS that he hadn’t played them. Turned out to be a waaaay bigger favor than he thought… and I felt terrible 😦

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