So, I almost strangled myself to death the other day.
In a fitting room at Kohls.
With a sundress.
It’s true.
The sadistic contraption had way the hell too many straps.
Clothing and injury.
These two things evidently go hand in hand.
I’ve said it before.
And I’ll gladly say it again.
I don’t understand the world of fashion.
Not one teeny, tiny bit.
Upside down jeans are poised to be the next big trend in denim.
Whoa.
And not the good kind of whoa.
More like, woe.
Upside down pants with upside down pockets and useless belt loops that graze your ankles?
Hmm.
Too kooky.
The best part, though?
They’re only $495!
But at least they cover one’s butt.
Unlike crotchless jeans.
Which are essentially a couple of scraps of denim, held together by…
Chains.
And complete with a fully exposed rear, to boot.
Definitely worth $142, don’t ya think?
Or how about the practically nonexistent jeans that couldn’t?
Couldn’t cover a thing, that is.
With 90 percent less fabric than the average pair of jeans, the $223 extreme cutout jeans with exposed pockets and exposed butt cheeks are really something.
Or not much of anything, depending on how you look at it.
And let’s talk about floss jeans.
Described as extreme lace-up jeans…
The floss-like threads comprising the leg portion are essentially thin bungee cords that wrap around the legs.
They look insanely time-consuming to put on or get off.
And downright dangerous.
It would be more efficient to wedge a wild and wiggly lunatic into a straight jacket than to squirm and squeeze your way into a pair of floss jeans.
At least they’re only $168.
Nice, right?
Ha!
For that kind of money, I expect clothing to…
a) Not to be safety endangering.
b) Not make me die of hypothermia from lack of coverage.
c) To cover my literal butt.
Is this so unreasonable?
Oh wait.
Maybe that’s just, like, not cool.
Or something.
I don’t know.
I’m not a fan of holey stuff.
Especially paying for intentionally damaged goods in the name of fashion.
Not with my hard-earned money, thank you very much.
I refuse to pay for “distressed” monstrosities.
And for heaven’s sake, no more buttless jeans!
Oh, now here’s a real winner!
Clear knee jeans.
For only $95.
Complete with…
Stylish knee windows!
And fully covered butt and crotch areas!
Jackpot!
But why stop at clear knees…
When you can rock a full pair of clear “jeans” for only $100.
They’re pants… without actually being pants.
Or how about half jeans, a.k.a. one leg jeans?
They’re perfect for those who can’t decide whether they’re hot or cold.
Nothing like half a pair of pants.
With even more butt cheeky exposure!
Oh, and let’s not forget about zipper jeans that zip all the way around.
Presumably to air out your cheeks at your discretion.
Wow.
What a mess.
Fashion fads.
They come and they go.
But the fashion industry is clearly flying by the seat of their buttless, crotchless pants.
~Happy Friday, friends! Anyone in the market for pantless pants? If so, you’re in luck! I’m sure some designer, somewhere out there, is busy turning your dream into reality! Haha! Have a great weekend!~
Pants? Torture device? You be the judge…
comically quirky 
I read this blog. It’s nice. We also run a handmade clothes shop on etsy.
visit our shop to get awesome clothes.
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Thanks for letting me know this i really needed to know this because I was thinking about buying some leggings or jeans whatever their called.I really wanted to have some because they look comfortable so thanks for informing me.
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Thanks for sharing this informative article. I am also working in one of the best clothing brands and having so much to learn and achieve there https://yesonline.pk/collections/unstitched
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Excellent post! And TFS dear
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Thanks! 😀
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Oooh I like a nice high waist band. Got me some Boyfriend jeans for the first time. They don’t fit right but at least they are not hanging down my arse.
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Haha! Why the high waist? What’s wrong with the fashionable “plumber crack” look? 😆
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Park a bike…
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The lesser, the better – seems to be the new fad! Well that looks like a tangle of wires, did you just call it jeans? Although I have tried to get into the fashion bandwagon but had a couple of falls, on the face, I have come to believe that fashion is what suits you best. As for the rest – they have great humor!
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Less is definitely less! I think you’re right- these designers must have some sense of humor. A rather sadistic sense of humor, that is. 😆
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Oh it is!
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This is like totally me.
Love the article.
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Thanks! Glad you can relate 😀
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you are most welcome dear.
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I’m in the same boat as you Angelica. I don’t understand fashion these days. I guess it’s all style before comfort huh? Always have a fun time reading your relatable posts.
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Fashion makes no sense to most sane human beings. I’m sure style and comfort can coexist peacefully, but designers sure seem to think otherwise. 😛
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This was a laugh riot! I am not the Lone Ranger in search of regular classic jeans, phew! But does all this even exist? This is extreme provocative fashion torture. Skinny jeans are freaking sufferance enough for me! Ditto to your article sentiments- jeans fashion repels me. I don’t understand the point of it all.
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Oh, don’t get me started on skinny jeans! I will never understand how people can wear those things without fear of accidentally tearing the ass out of them by, oh, I don’t know, breathing, for instance. It’s undoubtedly a fashion no-no in my little world. 😛
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Yeah but if you don’t wear skinny jeans your flat boots look odd. Like a farmer with trews tucked in.
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😆
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New meaning that less is more $$$
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That seems to be the disturbing trend. Yikes!
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It seems that we are paying more and more for less and less fabric. lol.
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I agree! 😄
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If you want to make a fashion statement without having to pay designer prices…. just put your jeans on backwards and tell everyone the Kris Kross look is coming back. As long as you don’t have to go to the bathroom, it’s also a very practical style…
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It doubles your wardrobe without added expense, and when the fad fades, you can simply resume wearing them properly. Brilliant! 😝
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Oh, I am feeling very distressed by the descriptions – just a plain pair of blue jeans – entire in their fabric integrity will do me fine thanks. Fashion is seriously wacko.
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Wacko is an understatement. The concept of jeans in their entire fabric integrity is probably a foreign concept in the fashion industry. 😆
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Ha ha ha! So true 🙂 Fashion is crazy these days. I love what you wrote – and that you included the prices. I remember being a kid and getting Jordache jeans, which was a huge deal. Not sure how much they were! I hope you have a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Thanks for a great post, I love to visit and laugh here. 🙂 Blessings, Debbie
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Fashion is beyond crazy! But on the positive side, it gives me plenty to sarcastically write about. 😜
It’s always great having you here! Hope you enjoyed a nice Labor Day weekend! 😊
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Mine say Costco. I guess that’s all I have to add. “It’s a pair of jeans for crying out sideways,” said every guy.
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Jeans are jeans are jeans… Oh, except when they’re missing 90% of the fabric. See what you’re missing out on? 😝
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Now I remember why I avoid clothing stores like the plague. If your reflection in the three-way mirror doesn’t scare you half to death, you might get strangled by an evil sundress. I spent 3 hours in Kohl’s last week trying to find a top to go with a hippie skirt (made of multi-colored and patterned squares, like a quilt). Not one blessed blouse matched any of the 37 colors in the skirt. Most were made of slimy (nylon? rayon?) fabric with bizarre details like buttons up the back (how would you button them?), leather laces, tassels, bell bottom sleeves, etc. I finally settled on a black specimen with glittery white polka dots. At the register, I was (not) excited to learn I qualified for $10 in Kohl’s Cash, so I could return a few days later to peruse fifty more unsuitable tops. I ended up buying a package of underwear I really didn’t need because I couldn’t bear to let that stupid $10 coupon go to waste. Maybe nudist colonies will make a comeback and we can stop buying clothes. If we’re going to run around in crotchless/assless pants, it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to letting it all hang out. 🙂
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Shopping is no fun. No fun at all. Especially when nothing matches. And everything is freakish looking. Maybe you’re right… Perhaps the assless/crotchless fashion is simply the precurser to full on resurgence of nudist colonies. No more stress in having to shop for pricey clothing or worrying about whether things match. Sounds pretty good… 😄
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I will totally wear these for $495. That’s what you’re offering me,right?
🙂
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Hahaha! Uh… Sure! But you have to wear them all day long, in public, at a very high profile, highly televised event. Like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade… 😂🤣
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Hahaha! Relatable! A good old pair of Levi’s always did the trick. How did we go so very wrong?
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How did we go so very wrong? I’ve been wondering that exactly same thing! 😣😝
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Hah! Like I’m one to talk with my “Davy” Dukes. At least I don’t spend an arm and a leg for them. I’ll just hack up cheap thrift store jeans, thank you. 😉
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Sure beats spending hundreds of dollars on jeans that look like they’ve gone through a meat grinder! 😆
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Haha. True. I’ve perfected the art of cutting a pair of “Davy” Dukes so I’ll just save my money. 😉
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And I’m sure you do it at a mere fraction of the price of most designers 😄
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Haha. Well short shorts for guys are so passe so I doubt any designer would promote them in the modern era but if they did I’m sure they’d be outrageous.
Nah, I’ll just stick to hacking up worn out thrift store jeans. Works just as well. 😉
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For that kind of dough, I could buy a whole new wardrobe!
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Absolutely! And all the clothing could even consist of enough fabric to wear in public! Now there’s a novel concept… 😜
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Well said, utterly ridiculous clothing, and don’t get me started on the prices.
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Utterly ridiculous and utterly expensive… Sure sounds like a lose-lose situation to me. 😉
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It is so much easier being a guy.
We don’t have to worry about getting knotted up in a sundress or wearing crotchless jeans…at least most of us don’t.
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Yeah, most guys will never experience the misery of accidental strangulation by a sundress. Lucky, lucky. 😜
Fortunately, the choice to parade around in ridiculous jeans or other literal half-assed excuses for clothing is something nobody ever has to purposely subject themselves to. 😆
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