Just do you.
I could totally get behind that mantra.
Truly, I’d love to.
If the context were to be completely different.
With their newest commercial, they’ve accomplished the impossible.
Defiantly boasting of the coolness of doing whatever the hell you want, with an alarming tone reeking of utter desperation…
Let’s just say they’ve stooped to a new low.
You want to run a marathon?
Why would you want to do that?
It sounds super hard.
Just have a Diet Coke!
Yeah, we know it’s bad for your health.
But who cares?
Might as well die happy while all your organs start mutating and eating you alive from the inside out!
Way to go, Coca-Cola.
You’re empowering people to be the utmost mediocre versions of themselves.
You’re all but admitting your product is total crap, while encouraging people to aim low.
What a spectacular way to rebrand.
It’s the quintessential opposite of Nike’s Just Do It slogan.
But I get it.
Sales are plummeting as people become more health conscious, and you guys need to convince your target audience that your product is still relevant and cool.
So now you’re trying hard to appeal to millennials.
Just do you.
You only live once.
So why not develop a fine new addiction?
Coca-Cola or cocaine?
Either kind of coke will probably do.
After all, why the hell not?
Look at all the pretty new colorful cans!
And so slender!
And still every bit as bad for you!
But who cares!
Yeah, I know.
Serves me right for watching five minutes of Hulu after last week’s trashing.
Because I can!
Clever catchphrase, paired up with idiotic rationale.
Diet Coke makes you feel good!
Just like drugs!
Oh, you love meth?
It makes you feel great?
You keep right on doing you!
Everyone and everything else be damned.
Did you know Coke is great for shining pennies and removing rust from toilets?
And also for removing skunk odors…?
Which begs the question:
How could it not be good for your insides?
Sure, it can cause breakouts.
And mood swings.
And metabolic disorders.
But what’s not to love?
Why run a super hard marathon when you can just drink a Diet Croak?
Uh, I mean, Coke.
At least completing a marathon is something one can look back on with some degree of pride.
So what are you proud of?
Oh, I just had a Diet Coke.
Because I can.
I’m a badass, defiant rebel like that.
Because. I. Can.
I don’t know about you, but I think I’d rather live in a yurt.
I hate to say it, but desperation is not an attractive look for you, Diet Coke.
~Happy Friday, friends! For the record, if you’re a fan of Diet Coke, I’m not judging you in the least. I merely found this style of “marketing” to be too humorous to not poke fun at. Have a fantastic weekend!~