Frantic Feeding Frenzy

/ Quirky Girl

It’s become an unofficial contest.

A challenge of sorts.

How quickly can these two boys of mine eat all the food in the house?

Or better yet…

All the newly purchased groceries?

Before they’re even out of the shopping bags?

Last week, I bought an overflowing cart full of groceries on Saturday.

We were nearly out of food by Tuesday.

Almost nothing left for dinner.

Almost nothing left to pack for school lunches.

One over-dramatic child resorted to drinking from an expired gallon of water from our makeshift storm shelter closet.

(Wait… Water actually expires?!?)

What’s next on the to-eat list, Jett’s dog food?

At least The Bigly Bestest doesn’t eat all his food in one sitting.

Gotta love teenagers.

Especially boys.

The time it takes teenage boys to eat seems to be directly proportionate to the quantity.

For instance:

A box of eight waffles will get devoured in approximately eight seconds.

Which averages out to one second per waffle.

And a six-pack of yogurt cups will last all of six seconds.

This pattern continues in a sickening whirlwind for several minutes.

Until all that’s left are raisins.

And so they move on to rummaging in my purse.

Until they gleefully discover a tin of mints.

Snacking on mints.

Wow.

At least these two haven’t yet resorted to drinking maple syrup out of the jar for a quick pick-me-up.

Sheesh.

They’ll claim that there’s nothing to eat, when clearly there is something still left.

Sure, it may not always be their first choice.

But when you’re snacking on mints, is that really the time to be picky?

How can you tell me you refuse to eat blackberries?

So don’t tell me there’s no food in the house when there are perfectly good berries here.

Eat the damn berries!

Oh, you’re starving?

But not enough to eat that delicious asparagus sauté , huh?

Or some plain yogurt?

Well, that’s fine.

More for me!

And whatever we don’t eat, we apparently save for the ants.

That’s right.

Ants.

Entire freaking colonies of ants.

Because we have yet to master the art of properly closing bags when we’re done snacking.

And so they march across the bottom shelf of the pantry, systematically working their way up the shelves like some kind of microscopic parade.

Until they’ve effectively invaded every last item in the kitchen pantry.

Cereal boxes.

Crackers.

Cheese puffs.

Jett’s special dog treats.

Well.

At least there was hardly any food left to begin with.

~Happy Friday, friends! Have a great weekend!~

Actual footage from our mealtime frenzies.

Actual footage from our mealtime frenzies.

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36 thoughts on “Frantic Feeding Frenzy”

  3. I loved this Angelica! I kind of know what you’re going through. My teenage son is now eating me out of house and home. Sometimes I even have to be creative with what we have left in the frig just to make a meal.

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  5. At least your kids are not given to eating non edibles unlike a certain puppy dog I know and love who ate my wedding ring! Oatmeal is filling and relatively cheap and easy to make. (Yum, that actually sounds good right now!) Also, cans of ravioli. And don’t forget ramen! Good luck with the ants.
    Mona

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    • Yes, but ants do a fine job of eating outdoors. There’s a broad enough selection of things for them to graze on, it’s truly unnecessary for them to invade peoples’ homes for more goodies. How greedy must they be? I guess they must really want a sip of our stash of expired water, huh? 😜

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      • Two. With a nephew that finished out high school living with us. So, three teen boys at once. Yes, it did! We have food actually still left at the end of the week now. Like, I seriously have three different types of cookies sitting on my cabinet right now. Its awesome!!! 🍪😜😂😂😂😂

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