Driving Mr. Mascot, Part 2

/ Quirky Girl

Slow down.

Slow down!!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLOW THE @&*% DOWN!!!

With 30 minutes to spare after dropping my younger child off at his guitar lesson…

It was the perfect opportunity to continue working with my older son (a.k.a. Mascot Boy) on his driving skills.

And so he took the wheel.

Figuring it was only three miles from the music school to our house, it wouldn’t necessarily be an unreasonable walk for my younger one if scary driver Mascot Boy and I didn’t make it back alive from driving practice.

Unfortunately, the fact that it’s been unseasonably hot out made it a less than optimal scenario.

But it’s always good to have a plan, right?

Mr. Mascot decided he’d like to practice in a shopping parking lot that day.

Did you know different rules apply in parking lots?

Namely, there are no rules .

Especially in a Walmart parking lot.

Between vehicles blindly pulling out in front of other traffic with no regard to right of way, and overall mayhem in general…

The very notion of safe driving seems to go right down the toilet.

All I knew is that I sure as hell didn’t want to die in the Walmart parking lot.

I’d rather get eaten by my dog.

Not that my precious Jett would ever eat me.

But still.

Dying at Walmart/in the Walmart parking lot is definitely not the way I’d like to go.

Especially with a 16-year-old driver behind the wheel.

And not only does this 16-year-old believe he already knows everything there is possibly to know about driving…

I’ve somehow recently ended up with two backseat drivers whenever I’m driving.

Because even though my 13-year-old hasn’t had any formal driving instruction, he too  believes he now magically knows everything there is to know about driving.

Specifically, that he and his brother know everything.

And I, the driver with two decades of experience, know nothing.

As if I suddenly need coaching on how to safely maneuver a vehicle.

That didn’t feel like a complete stop.

You forgot your turn signal! Right in front of that cop over there!

I’m pretty sure even I have better judgement than you!

Meanwhile, Mr. Mascot has taken a liking to barreling full-speed toward red lights.

I’m starting to think I ought to be wearing a blindfold when I’m in the passenger seat.

He attempted to park next to the only car in the back row of the parking lot.

Which happened to be a BMW vaguely resembling The Batmobile.

Which happened to be one that we really can’t afford to gently nudge from behind or do a drive-by mirror sideswipe on.

After one unsuccessful attempt of parking straight in between the lines, I strongly encouraged him to find a different spot.

Away from other cars.

All other cars.

After surviving the Walmart parking lot, we headed back to the music school to pick up child number two.

We arrived safely.

The parking lot was under heavy construction.

So we soared over a massive mud bump, Dukes of Hazzard style.

But ultimately, we didn’t get pulled over by any cops.

And even more importantly, we survived.

So it’s a win.

I’ve come to realize that my son’s learning to drive comes at a price.

The expense of fuel.

And the expense of my sanity.

Which has long been precariously dangling by a thin thread.

Oh, but at least I’m getting a break from driving, right?

If your idea of a break is anxiety, panic, or a heart attack, then yes.

Thanks to me, my dear child, you are gaining experience.

Thanks to you, my dear child, I seem to be losing experience.

Or my sanity.

One of the two.

Or both.

~Happy Saturday, friends! Click here if you’d like to read Part 1 of our exciting driving experiences. Have a great weekend, and watch out for nervous Student  Drivers and their equally terrified parents! Haha!~

The Danger Zone... it's a real thing.

The Danger Zone… it’s a real thing.

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27 thoughts on “Driving Mr. Mascot, Part 2”

  2. Too funny Angelica. I only wish that I could be a fly on the ceiling in your car throughout all this. I can only imagine you pressing down on that imaginary brake pedal and your hands grasping onto the framework of the car.

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  3. I completely feel you on this one. We have two teen drivers that now drive solo. The youngest gets her permit in 6 1/2 months. She chomping at the bit, excited for the day. I’m telling my husband, you do realize that I don’t do any teaching until you’ve spent months doing it first. I don’t passenger well to begin with, add in one young, inexperienced, know everything already driver, and I might be kissing the ground when I get out of the car!

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  4. Yes, I also know the panic of supporting a sixteen-year-old student driver. Friday night the two of us were sitting in a restaurant, waiting for our food, and she was watching the drivers outside and commenting on every mistake she saw, from the woman texting to the man using only one hand on the steering wheel. J.

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  6. Parking lots really are the wild wild west when it comes to traffic rules (I should know since I spend so much time in one, and am very guilty of not following the rules myself!) No matter how slanted the parking spaces are in a certain direction, some moron will drive up the aisle the wrong way and then STILL try to turn at a 140 degree angle into one of them…. having to also avoid all the carts shoppers were too lazy to return to the corral.

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  9. Mavericks, the both of you, driving around in a Wally World parking lot. I think that is more dangerous than the open road! Good luck and teach the kid well, he’ll be the one you depend on to drive you to church and the grocery when you’re 86 and demented from all those frazzled nerves. 🙂

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