In honor of my one and a half year anniversary of living in No Man’s Land, here’s a brief update on my progression of half-assed assimilation:
- I still don’t eat meat. I’ve been a vegetarian for far too long, and having real live cows, horses, and donkeys as neighbors has only reinforced my beliefs a hundred times over.
- I still don’t care for the horribly maintained country roads. It may well be a smoother ride meandering through town on a three-legged donkey than chancing some of the brain-rattling roads out here.
- I still don’t like country music. I prefer to surround myself with things that actually make me happy. Depressing music that could easily coerce me into a dark corner to slit my wrists with a corkscrew on a cold and cloudy day? Ha! Like I don’t already have enough problems.
- I still don’t like the eerie sound of tornado sirens. Or actual tornadoes. They’re a rather terrifying phenomenon that I can live without.
- I still can’t believe the official state animal is not a skunk. I mean, seriously. Even a million tons of the state flower (whatever the heck that even is) wouldn’t be enough to mask the breathtaking aroma of one of those suckers.
Okay, so none of this technically qualifies as progress, per se.
Wait a second!
There is a silver lining!
I recently surprised even myself by correctly identifying a lone donkey among a herd of cows.
This is huge. Just ask my realtor.
When my husband and I first came out house-hunting, I had mistaken a donkey for a horse in a nearby field.
To which my realtor responded, “Well, bless your heart!”
Which reminds me- I still don’t care for that phrase.
Don’t think for a moment I don’t “get” that sarcastic and condescending undertone just because I’m a New Yorker/Washingtonian/Arizonan.
Now if all y’all will excuse me, I reckon I need to find me one of them there donkeys and go down yonder.
(Hey, you have to at least give a girl credit for trying!)
Pretty sure this is a donkey…
comically quirky 
I’m sure you’d have no trouble picking out my Rainbow Donkey from among a field of moo-cows and horsies…
I miss the old tornado sirens we used to have. Our city replaced the old blowhorns with some kickass subwoofers about 10 years ago, so now we get this crappy sound that’s like the EAS alert on TV followed by a pre-recorded voice telling us to “TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY!!!” when a warning has been issued for our county… usually after the threat has already passed since I live in the far western portion of it.
LikeLike
Wow, that’s an impressive safety alert failure. Clearly the officials don’t realize the importance of alerting the public prior to any threat. But hey, better late then never!
That’s true… A rainbow donkey probably would catch my attention. I’d be looking at it and trying to figure out what kind of exotic creature it is, but at least I’d be able to differentiate between rainbow donkey and the cluster of cows eying me strangely. 😛
LikeLike
Are you sure that’s not a mule?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmm. I thought a donkey is a mule… So I really can’t be sure. But that obviously goes without saying. 😀
LikeLike
There is a difference, but hey, I’m not certain of the difference…one is a cross with a horse…Help someone who knows about these things!
LikeLike
I could not exist for a single day in No Man’s Land…which makes sense based on its name so I harbor no guilt whatsoever. Keep away from the radio.
LikeLike
Fortunately, it’s nowhere near as horrible as I make it sound sometimes. If anything, it had broadened my horizons. Even if those particular horizons are filled with cows and donkeys. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, bless your heart.
I don’t like the way “fields” smell. The “farm” land they have in Irvine, I swear I can smell the pesticide chemicals they use and the entire city smells like it. My friend bought an overly-priced home that was really a townhouse, that they lied and called a home… and that is the aroma they have when outside their home. YUCK! I’m like, don’t you SMELL THAT?
LikeLike
Mmm, fertilizers and pesticides. If that doesn’t scream “nature,” I don’t know what does.
At least I do live far enough away where I don’t smell the earthy goodness from my house. 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hilarious and outrageously funny. Keep the laughter coming.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Outrageous, indeed. 😀
LikeLike