Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Well, one thing’s for certain:
There’s no escaping reality.
Fire! Fire! Carbon monoxide warning! Get out! Get out!
No.
Not this crap again.
But this time around, it wasn’t merely the obnoxious chirping signifying a dead battery.
Or the smoke detector getting triggered by my disastrous attempts at cooking.
No.
This was a full-scale notification of distress, with every single alarm throughout the house screeching in synchronized cacophony.
At a ridiculously ungodly hour of the night.
Which is obviously when I do my clearest, most rational thinking.
I’m normally the world’s lightest sleeper.
Yet I jolted from a deep sleep in a state of utter confusion.
What was going on?
Was this seriously real?
The Bigly Bestest Doggie would probably know.
For surely, if anything were truly wrong, he’d alert us and then heroically save us the way Lassie saved Timmy.
Right?
Or not.
Loud noises terrify The Bigly Bestest Doggie.
And so he just laid there in his bed, looking for a cue of what to do next.
And then it hit me:
We had absolutely no concrete plan of action in place.
No clear-cut escape routes.
What the hell was wrong with us?
What kind of parents would wait for a moment like this to start planning?
I mean, we did have a plan.
Once upon a time.
In our old house.
But apparently we hadn’t given it any thought since moving several years ago.
Did I mention my husband was out of town for the evening on a business trip?
I briefly bemoaned my myriad of failures as a mother, figuring I’d probably drop dead from a panic attack anyway before my senses finally kicked in.
Only one kid stirred with all the commotion of the alarms.
The other zombie either somehow managed to sleep through it or simply didn’t want to be bothered to get out of bed.
My oldest demonstrated impressive priorities as he sleepily muttered that he couldn’t afford to spend $200 on another phone.
I forced both kids to move their butts and get out before rapidly searching for a potential source of fire.
After examining every single room, closet, and the garage, I dashed outside to check the perimeter.
The alarms were shockingly audible outside, too, their ear-splitting decibel enough to wake up the entire neighborhood.
Speaking of neighborhoods…
We just so happen to have a rather passive aggressive Facebook page for our development.
And while occasionally helpful, the discussions can get downright ugly sometimes.
I could almost picture it…
The audacity!
The nerve of those rude neighbors allowing their fire alarm to go off and disrupt our sleep!
The next time that happens there’d better be real flames bursting through the roof!
And why is that dog of theirs running frantically down the street?
Hello, animal control?
Fortunately, the alarm stopped on its own several minutes later.
Upon discovering it had been a false alarm, I got the boys settled back into bed for whatever was left of the evening,
I warily laid back in my own bed, unable and unwilling to sleep.
I could’ve sworn I felt a surge of heat as I thrashed around in bed.
Adrenaline?
Or was something really on fire?
I bolted out of bed to do another thorough check.
Then I noticed the flashing red light on a detector above my bed.
Something in my bedroom must’ve triggered the alarm.
But what?
A sadistic insect?
Unusually high humidity?
A defective smoke detector?
(Because that’d be incredibly comforting.)
Or was it my domestic ineptitude?
God knows I hadn’t dusted all that recently…
So I suppose that could’ve been it.
I’m far from coordinated when woken from a zombie-like state of sleep.
And you know what the best thing to do when you’re exhausted and can’t see straight?
That’s right!
Haul a gazillion-ton expandable ladder out of the garage!
And then attempt to drag that ladder through the house without taking out a wall or knocking yourself out.
Obviously.
Isn’t that what any normal person would do?
That beast of a ladder could’ve reached the top of the Empire State Building.
Hell, that thing could’ve reached the top of Mount Everest.
But I couldn’t figure out how to open the monstrous thing.
And once I finally got it open, I didn’t pay any attention to the orientation of the battery when I yanked that sucker out of the alarm.
So I fumbled around with that for several more minutes.
Thank goodness it was only a false alarm.
But it was still downright scary.
And it showed just how ill prepared we were.
Which is even scarier.
The next day, the boys and I discussed fire safety and evacuation plans.
I think it’s safe to say that while we now have an effective plan in place, I also effectively scared the living crap out of them.
Now I’m worried if there’s ever another false alarm, they’re going to bolt out of bed and jump out their second-story windows without being 100 percent certain there’s actually an emergency.
I can picture it now.
Oh well.
Better safe than sorry.
Oh, and that ginormous ladder?
It’s still sitting in the middle of my bedroom, two weeks later.
But good news!
It’s being repurposed!
The ladder works surprisingly well as a clothes hanging rack.
The Industrial Look is fashionable, right?
Repurposing is awesome!
Beep beep bo bleep!
~Happy Friday, friends! Anyone here a fan of irony? Well, guess what? As I sat here typing this, my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the wail of tornado sirens and hail slamming vigorously against the windows. Fortunately, everyone is safe. But I think we’ve had enough fun for a while…~
Could this be the future of bedroom design? If so, I want due credit for starting this trend!
comically quirky 
Smoke/CO2 detectors are so loud I’m surprised the fire, smoke, tornadoes, etc, don’t extinguish, clear or turn tail. Waking up to them, ungodly for sure. But even when testing them in the middle of the day, their cries seemingly can be heard from a mile away…which I guess is the point of having them in the first place. They definitely fall into the category of “better safe than sorry.”
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Ha! Now that would be a far more effective alarm- one that would scare the crap out of the actual source of the alarm, rather than terrifying us poor unsuspecting humans. 😆
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You have such a great way of telling something that’s stressful or not funny in such an funny manner. That’s quite a gift! I could picture it all. Seriously though, glad it was all a false alarm. Hard to react calmly when you’re woken from a sleep. For the record, Harry’s a sook too and wouldn’t know what to do either. 😏
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Oh, thank you! I guess since I don’t always have the luxury of being close enough to the ocean to calm my nerves, I’m forced to channel the insanity into humorous writing instead. It may not be quite as therapeutic, but it works well enough. 😉 😛
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And I do love it!
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Thank you! 😁
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The smoke alarm batteries in my bedroom always die in the middle of the night. Some genius installed the alarm at the peak of a cathedral ceiling and it takes ladder that requires two people to carry it to reach it. The ladder usually remains for multiple weeks as well. 😉 Glad it was a false alarm!!
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Thanks! Yeah, most of the alarms throughout our house are in areas with higher ceilings. What thoughtful design planning. And how true, it’s almost like those alarms are only capable of making a racket in the wee hours of the morning. Fun times. 😛
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Someone needs to invent an alarm that goes off when your smoke detector’s going off for no reason. A false alarm alarm. If nothing else, the dueling beeps might harmonize really well together so it just sounds like you’re at a really loud techno concert…
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Yes! Great idea! We need to invent the false alarm alarm! And then an alarm for false alarm alarm, too, in case that one also malfunctions. Brilliant! 😀
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Not a dull moment, QG! But it sure is a shocker to be woken up to a fire alarm that too in the midst of the night. It is good that you now have a plan in place. We have had a few false alarms too, so many that we are now comfortable with it, not a good sign at all.
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Yikes! That’s my concern, too. Too many false alarms, and nobody will believe it if there truly is an emergency. But yeah, we sure are good at finding ways to keep ourselves entertained, huh? 😉 😛
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Absolutely! There are times when I keep reminding myself that I need to make an exit plan, just in case, but too many false alarms have spoiled the plan.
Not a dull moment.
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No, never a dull moment, indeed. 😆
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Ours perpetuatley goes off due to the steam from the bathroom – it never used to for years and years, but now I think it is senile and steam confuses it! Probably should get it checked – yeah, that would be a good idea.
Glad your swas only a false alarm, but boy does it scare you, huh!
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Oh, great. Nothing like a senile smoke detector! I hadn’t realized they could suffer from the same human afflictions, but now I almost feel sorry for it. 😛
We did replace all the batteries, so hopefully that’ll help. 🙂
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😂😂😂 glad there was no fire lol
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Oh, me too. That was about all the fun I could handle for the next decade or so… 😛
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Glad you’re okay, but I’ve been wakened by an alarm like that. Think it was a prank by another apartment resident. And the ladder? Been there done that, made me laugh, thanks.☺️
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Thank you! That’s never fun, is it?
Good news, though! After 2 1/2 weeks, we finally moved our monster of a ladder out of the bedroom and back out to the garage where it belongs. No more laundry organizer for me. 😛
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People usually use treadmills for that : ))
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Hope the weather has settled and you are all safe. Thoughts and love.
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Thank you so much! ❤
Hope you're having a great week so far! 🙂
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Thank goodness everything was okay. It often takes the unexpected occurrence to show how unprepared we are. We often times think that it’ll never happen to us or we have that false bravado of feeling we’ll know what to exactly do in that particular time of crisis. But reality eventually bites us in the ass and gives us a good wake up call. Glad to know that I’m not the only one that’s ill prepared.
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And true enough, reality does indeed have a knack for biting us in the ass. It’s especially hard to be prepared when you’re jolted from sleep and expected to think clearly. Experience tells me this is not very effective, in my case. 😛
If there’s a silver lining in this experience, it’s that we now have a solid plan in place. And we changed all of the smoke detector batteries. So I suppose all was not lost. 🙂
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I know it wasn’t funny when it happened … but the way you tell it is very funny!
And I’d like to know how they design things like smoke detectors to ONLY malfunction and go off at 3:00 in the morning. It happens every time.
I hope the rest of your weekend goes better!
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Thank you! Some sadistic person must’ve worked that massive flaw into the design for the fun of it. In fact, I’m almost convinced that’s the case… 😛
Hope your week is off to a great start! 😀
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Yes, I’m sure some bored engineer thought it would be a hilarious prank to play. That engineer better hope we never find out who they are!
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Ha! That’s the truth! 😛
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