Oh, the Things It Could Be!

Google is to a hypochondriac what meth is to a junkie.

Oh, come on.

You know the deal.

You’re suddenly afflicted with sharp stomach pains from hell…

So you turn to Dr. Google to shed some insight.

Inevitably, Google leads you to WebMD for totally reliable self-diagnostic help.

After scanning through symptoms and possible causes, you manage to convince yourself it’s not simply constipation or indigestion.

No.

It’s undoubtedly a raging bout of appendicitis that is about to do you in, right there in the middle of the Summer Fun section at Walmart.

Unless you make a beeline for the nearest hospital right this very minute.

All you know for certain is you’re obviously dying.

I swear, the symptoms for migraines and brain damage are identical.

Ok, well.

Maybe not exactly.

But seriously, have you ever noticed how so many different health issues all have the same set of symptoms?

Oh, the things it could be!

Got a headache?

It’s obviously an aneurysm, and that clock is just a tickin’.

Or it could be head trauma.

What’s that?

Don’t remember hitting your head in the first place?

Well, duh.

Wheezing and coughing?

Could be asthma.

Or a sinus infection.

Or congenital heart failure.

Fatigued?

Could be the flu.

Or Lyme disease.

Or just good ol’ PMS.

Hallucinations?

Could be schizophrenia.

Or epilepsy.

Or just poorly interacting medications.

Irritability?

Could be hypothermia.

Or a sleep disorder.

Or meningitis.

Nauseated?

Could be food poisoning.

Or a heart attack.

Or perhaps you’re pregnant.

(Congratulations!)

Forgetful?

Could be delirium.

Or dementia.

Or head trauma.

(Seriously, quit knocking your head around!)

Oh, the things it could be!

Lucky for me, I have a high pain tolerance.

Which is great, because I’m freakishly allergic to aspirin and Advil.

And apparently, most antibiotics don’t work for me, either.

Hell, I can’t even take Benadryl to counteract an allergic reaction because it knocks me out cold.

But I do take comfort in knowing I can just conk myself over the head with a frying pan to ease the pain and be good to go.

That’s all the so-called healthcare I need.

~Happy Friday, friends! Hope you have a happy and healthy weekend, free of any un-fun doctor or WebMD visits!~

This cute little bear has the right idea. Just stick a band-aid on and call it a day.

This cute little bear has the right idea. Just stick a band-aid on and call it a day.

(Oh, the Things It Could Be originally appeared on Comically Quirky on 8/5/16.)

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39 thoughts on “Oh, the Things It Could Be!

  1. My dad has some interesting health issues and my mom is a serious Googliphile…makes Thursday night dinner kind of crazy sometimes. He’s enjoying dinner and she wants me to read stuff she’s printed out! Loved this. Even after my doctor says my gallbladder is fine, I’m sure it has to come out, ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Take care of yourself! 🙂 I love your humor. Funny, when you wrote about conking yourself over the head with a frying pan, I was thinking of an analogy with forgiving our judgments … maybe with a slightly gentler approach. Many blessings to you. Give your dog a pet for me ok?
    Love, Debbie

    ps – I’m doing a “Happy-ness Experiment” for the next 7 days if you have any interest in joining me. Pretty simple & fun. Check out my blog post on it today (if you want to!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! Yes, forgiveness is far more beneficial when done without the use of a frying pan. 😛

      I’ll be by to check out your blog challenge soon… I’m already far behind, and summer has only just begun!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I try to avoid looking up symptoms because I’m pretty much a hypochondriac, so if I read about it, I have it. Too scary, and of course you fixate on the worst one. Fun seeing how you’ve listed it out like this! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think the internet, particularly Google, is just plain bad for our health. Nothing like pairing an overactive imagination with the all-knowing wisdom of the internet. Must be why ignorance is considered bliss! 😆

      Liked by 2 people

  4. OMG Angelica. this post is so on point. There are times when I turn to Google and self diagnose myself and it’s a dangerous thing. It seems as if I have all the symptoms of every disease out there. Worry and anxiety sets in and it just creates a chaos in my whole immune system. I’ve been instructed by my doctor to refrain but it’s truly hard to do so in this day and age. I’m glad I’m not alone in perusing the internet for clues to my health.

    Liked by 2 people

    • “It seems as if I have all the symptoms of every disease out there.”

      Yes!!! 😂🤣😂 This is precisely how I feel after spending even just five minutes Googling symptoms. Nothing good ever comes out it…

      Liked by 1 person

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