Sadistic Shopping Frenzy

God, no.

Not this again.

How is it already that time again?

I’m just not ready yet.

And I’m pretty sure my kids aren’t, either.

Want to know the secret to blowing through loads of money in a matter of hours?

Have kids!

Have lots of kids!

And then cram those crazy kids into the car and go shopping for their gazillion back to school needs!

I don’t even want to think about how much we’ve already spent.

And I only have two kids, not a whole busload of them.

Yeesh.

With a week and a half until school starts, we hadn’t gotten around to shopping for most of the necessary school supplies.

Until yesterday.

Prior to yesterday, we’d only managed to shop for underwear, socks, and shoes.

And very little else.

Because last week was far too soon to even think about all this back to school nonsense.

And because I’m clearly a glutton for punishment, we went to Walmart.

Or, more specifically, we went to Walmart twice.

In one day.

So much for one-stop-shopping.

The only redeeming thing was that we’d gone to two different locations.

Walmart #1  had most of what we needed…

 But it didn’t have much of a selection of binders.

Who knew it was so difficult to find the perfect binder?

One that zippers shut and doesn’t pop open and create an explosive mess?

Is that too much to ask?

And we just had to have pens in a minimum of 5,000 different colors.

And that mini automatic pencil sharpener…

Because who in their right mind enjoys the tedious task of sharpening six dozen pencils in one sitting?

It was either that, or pay five times the price for the convenience of pre-sharpened pencils.

At least the pencil sharpener will pay for itself soon enough.

If it lasts long enough, that is.

But at least I knew better than to wait until tax-free weekend to start shopping. 

I can barely handle Walmart on a good day.

An hour of pushing and shoving my way through Walmart is almost enough to drop me to my knees in the center of the wine aisle while hyperventilating into a paper bag.

So there we were at Walmart, smack in the middle of the chaos.

Like that’s ever a good idea.

And then those boys of mine did what they do best:

They wandered off to the electronics department. 

So much for that.

Ten minutes later, they were busy trying on new heads.

Plush mascot heads, that is.

For whatever unfathomable reason, there was an enormous bin of assorted animal heads by the checkout area.

Such an interesting choice of so-called impulse items.

Was Walmart getting ready for Halloween?

In August?

As if back to school madness wasn’t already maddening enough.

But at least I managed to buy myself some cool new notebooks. 

Because why the hell not, right?

Besides, I needed a few more notebooks.

It sure beats scribbling my jumbled, random thoughts on toilet paper in the middle of the night.

Anyway…

A few days earlier, I had taken my younger son to Dick’s Sporting Goods to look for clothes.

Usually, he’s all about Nike.

Nike, Nike, Nike.

And nothing else will do.

But he didn’t like a single article of clothing at Dick’s.

He did, however, see exactly one backpack he liked.

An $80 Under Armor monstrosity.

More heavy-duty weapon than child-friendly carryall, it resembled The Hulk, condensed and smashed into a sturdy, yet incredibly unsightly, backpack.

Its water-resistant properties and ability to take out a large rodent obviously justified the exorbitant price tag.

I would have considered spending that much on a single backpack…

If- and only if- my child would’ve been willing to walk to and from school every time it rained.

You know, to get our money’s worth.

Oh, and it would’ve also needed to last until he’s 18.

At the very least.

Sounds reasonable enough, no?

Needless to say, we left without getting a backpack.

He didn’t like anything else there…

But he did buy a plush deer.

Priorities, priorities.

I suppose there’s no need for shirts or pants when he’s perfectly content wearing nothing but shorts and his favorite hoodie, anyway.

But alas, it’s almost time again.

Back to the madness.

Back to school.

As long as we make it through the year without telling everyone to Go to Michigan, I’m sure we’ll be just fine.

~Happy Friday! Can you believe it’s August already? Where is the time going? Geez! Anyway, hope you all have a fantastic weekend and enjoy the last few weeks of summer break!~

This, apparently, is what school supply shopping looks like...

This, apparently, is what school supply shopping looks like…

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45 thoughts on “Sadistic Shopping Frenzy

  1. Ugh… I feel your pain! We’re doing back to school shopping. Thank goodness the boys order most of their clothes online because they hate shopping more than me. The girlie has to try things on though…it wasn’t too bad except everybody else decided that was the perfect day to shop as well! :0

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  2. Your post has once again left me smiling and feeling nostalgic for brand new school supplies, I agree, August is way too soon to find oneself in Walmart buying it all, I still have a summer to-do list to attend to! Your boys look awesome btw!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I about died when I saw the big display of animal heads sitting in the backroom a week ago. Has the furry craze gone mainstream now and I wasn’t informed? I wish I had a picture of our two overnight managers coming into the meeting last night in a shark and unicorn head to compare with the pic of your boys. At least it gave me the inspiration for my next comic….

    Holy crap, we have zipper binders (and folders) up the ying yang in the back room! We will still be trying to sell through our back to school zipper binder stash in December (Zipper binders make a great Christmas gift!) Maybe, like our store, the one you visited just has them all collecting dust in the backroom because there’s just nowhere to put 50,000 binders when customers don’t gobble them up like they do the notebooks and glue (Thanks to Gak, our glue sales have been through the roof).

    And how glad am I that my state is too broke to do the tax free weekend thing. Mecca treats them like a three day Black Friday now, and I don’t need to be breaking up fights over pencil sharpeners and protractors…

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are unicorn heads, too?!? Great. Now I might have to venture back out to Walmart for that! Sometime after school starts again. For the sake of my sanity. (Did I mention I made my boys puts those panther and tiger heads back?) 😝

      When people start brawling over protractors, that’s a sure sign the world is going completely mad. 😜

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  4. ahhh the back to school struggle i too will feel that sting again in another 4 years or so…. also u can never have too many note books i have a whole cupboard full of note books lol you always have to have something to write on always. number one rule of writing 😛
    that picture is priceless btw

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Growing up in the Midwest it’s still hard for me to fathom kids going back to school at the beginning of August, I want to protest and March for a change in the calendar year! I feel your pain, you should be at a pool or the lake or shopping for dresses in Paris!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Makes me glad to be an Aussie .. no Walmart, no summer school holidays, winter here must be 23 degrees today and sunny .. so reading this post of tragic ventures is sort of voyeuristic 🙂 … oh but sorry for your suffering .. your sons are cute but rather odd looking, do they take after their father lol

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  7. There was nothing like the thrill of a new binder (Trapper Keeper, if the planets aligned). Kept me organized for about 2.5 days.

    And “I can barely handle Walmart on a good day” = one of the most relatable sentences ever. Bravo!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Trapper Keepers were cool! My brother usually got those, but I rarely did. Evidently, being naturally organized has its drawbacks… 😄

      In all fairness, Walmart does have its perks. For instance, if you need to feel better about yourself, take some time out of the day and go there just to people watch. Instant self-esteem booster! 😜

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Best thing about back to school in my day was SCHOOL SHOES! School supplies were fun, too. There was no “list” like they have nowadays, where, in addition to personal notebooks, pens and pencils, etc, kids also have to supply the teacher with ziploc bags, Kleenex, and Extra Strength Tylenol. Loved the bit about the backpack your kid would have to carry in the rain until he’s 18 to get your money’s worth. My mom made me carry a Snoopy lunchbox for ten years for the same reason… at least Snoopy wasn’t too un-cool. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Those old school lunch boxes were built to last for a kid’s entire school career! I used to have a really cool E.T. one that’s probably now a collector’s item. 😜

      Extra Strength Tylenol! Lol! Which teacher- and parent- doesn’t need a box (or ten) of that! 😝

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ah Angelica… “Back-to-School” shopping…I can truly relate. Just went through that last week and it was such a headache. Different types of pens…gel, ballpoint, erasable…geez when will it end. LOVED the part of the Under Armour backpack…was hella funny!!! Hilarious post!!!

    Liked by 2 people

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